I'll Be Seeing You
by VioletsRBlue
Summary: On the afternoon of Danny's funeral, Emily McCawley, Rafe's sister and Danny's first love, remembers her time with Danny; the good, the wonderful and everything in between...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

May 1942

Asking me if I can remember the first time I laid eyes on Danny Walker is like asking me if I remember taking my first breath. I couldn't tell you anything of the exact second, but I know that I'm here now, because I did. Danny has always been a part of my life, part of the memories I love the most and the nightmares I still can't shake away, but there has never been a moment when he wasn't there. Even in all the years we were apart, there was still a connection, a bond that could never be broken and therefore he was always close to my heart. Distance had not been able to break that bond, but here, now, hours after the erection of the granite memorial in the backyard and his ashes has been scattered to the wind from the old crop duster, I sat on the porch swing I had sat on so many times before as a child and wondered if death would be the same.

I was twenty-four years old, moderately successful in my life, unmarried, perhaps even still retaining some the beauty I grew up with, but right now I felt little more than fifteen years old with gawkiness, immaturity and the uncomfortable feeling of not quite knowing my place in the world or where my life would lead me. I knew without even thinking, that my world was never going to be the same again.

The low murmur of mourners from inside the house was barely audible over my thoughts and the constant squeak of the swing as I swayed back and forth. There was a peace around me because of the unknown solitude I had found. I didn't think I would be missed. Every last person's attention was on Rafe, my brother and the woman he had brought back from Hawaii. Evelyn; a beautiful naval nurse, with a permanent frown and Danny's child growing in her womb. My heart had cried rivers when I had learned she was pregnant. Selfishly I immediately hated her, again resorting to my fifteen year old inner self, but after seeing her pain, so much like my own and yet so vastly different, I had found a way to open my own heart to her. A part of Danny was alive within her and if there was anything this world needed, it was a soul like his…especially now.

My eyes unconsciously moved out to the sunset beyond the barn, the western fields and I lost myself for a moment in its beauty. My left foot pushed me back and forth in the swing and I closed my eyes, hearing the voices of the past fall around me. Images soon followed and I saw three boys running out of the house, the screen clapping loudly behind them, a little girl with red gold ringlets pushing the door back open following the boys, demanding to be paid attention to. I smiled to myself, hearing my own voice in hers. I then years into the future and saw the barn and an eighteen year old Danny, gently brushing his fingers through the soft curls of a girl of seventeen, their eyes locked together taking them into a world where nothing existed except for the two of them.

My eyes opened as I wondered if I would ever know that feeling again; Innocence, Simplicity, Wholesomeness…from where I sat, even in the quiet, unblemished farmland of Tennessee, it seem quite unlikely. With the country at war, thousands of Americans already dead at the hands of the Japanese, and the German's tearing their way through Europe the thought of what once was seemed farther away than it should. I would give anything to have those days back. To be young, without knowing any sort of pain, here with my brothers, with Danny. When the world didn't seem quite so dark and the enchantments of sunsets and stars still captivated.

I continued to rock the swing and closed my eyes once more, wishing, praying to God to let me have a second chance, to make it all right, to make all the pain go away. If only I could travel back myself, there was so much I could change with just a single action. It wouldn't be hard…but, I thought, opening my eyes, what would I lose then? Could I stand to lose anymore? Brushing away a lone tear, I shook my head at the thought. No, I had lost so much, so many already, I wasn't sure my heart could take it again. In fact, I knew it couldn't.

Perhaps I was destined to be one of those women, who lived her life, alone, completely solitary, with only her memories to keep her company. From where I sat the idea didn't sound so horrible, I could already think of a thousand happy moments that I was sure could take me from here until the end…


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this chapter took so long to post. Even now I'm still not sure I got it down right...Writers block SUCKS! **

**Enjoy and review...I live for reviews!**

* * *

Chapter Two

August 1937

What you should know about me is that I am no Hemingway. I can string together a sentence just fine, perhaps even throw in a few adjectives and adverbs here and there to add some color, but I will never be able to convey my feelings the way I would like from mind to paper. It's sad really. Being the southern girl that I am, I should have no problem with weaving a good yarn, but I was more than a bit of a perfectionist it that right. I could never live up to my own standards. I really am my own worst critic.

However, this is a story that must be told, as all good love stories should.

It all started, years ago, in the very same porch swing I was in now. I was seventeen years old...

Swinging back and forth, but with bare feet propped against the porch railing, pushing myself idly in the hot August afternoon. There was a book nestled in my lap and my left hand was curled around a cold glass of iced tea. Though I paid little attention, there were clanks and bangs coming from the work shed not too far from the house. Pots boiled and dishes clinked from the open window of the kitchen, the unmistakable sounds of my mother cooking dinner. It was a summer afternoon like any other.

My eyes glided over the pages of the book in front of me, 'Lady Molly of Scotland Yard' and I took a sip from the glass. A cool breeze suddenly flew in from the east and I took a moment to savor the air against my hot, damp skin.

"Hey Sissy," the screen door behind me opened and slammed and my oldest brother Brett playfully tugged on one of my long curls that hung over the back over the swing. "Reading again?"

"We can't all be as illiterate as you, Brett." I replied, not removing my eyes from the page. The playful banter was as familiar as breathing to me.

"Oh ouch, my ego is now bruised, are you satisfied?"

"Immensely."

He laughed and sat down next to me on the swing. Brett, at twenty-two, no longer lived at home with us, but was here every Saturday for dinner. He claimed that the key to survival was at least one meal a week from Ma's kitchen. He lived and worked only a half hour away in Madison, but still the house was emptier and quieter than I liked it to be. I was the youngest of three. Rafe, eighteen, had just graduated from high school that past June, and he, along with his best friend Danny, had instantly gone to work for my father. Dad's crop dusting business was small, but profitable and I knew he welcomed the extra hands.

"When does school start for you?"

I marked the book and closed it, taking another sip of my tea. "Two more weeks."

"Last year too? You'd better put down the books and start picking out some potential husbands, little sister." He said with a wink. "Otherwise you might be a twenty-year old Old Maid."

I gave him a playful glare. Though I knew he was joking, it was sad to say that plenty of my friends were already married and some already had children. I knew there were more to follow. Shelby, Tennessee was just another small farming town and however much I loved it, there was really nothing here. My own mother had married at sixteen and had Brett when she was my age.

That life may have suited some, but I had other plans.

Brett and I chatted more. Joked a bit and caught up on the past weeks activities. Just as the sun was beginning to set Danny and Rafe emerged from the shed, sweaty and covered in grease.

"When the hell did you get here?" Rafe asked, coming up on the porch, wiping his brow with a rag.

"I can always count on a good welcome from you, Rafe." Brett replied, shaking his hand. "Hey Danny."

"Hey."

"Didn't bring your girl with you this time?" Rafe asked.

"Susan, no, she's out of town."

"Ah, or is that just the excuse she gave you so she wouldn't have to fight her urges to fawn over me at the dinner table like last time?" he asked with his cocky Rafe smile.

It was a joke of course; Brett knew that, but none the less tackled Rafe to the ground and began to call threats out to him. I rolled my eyes and stood up, smoothing out my skirt and stepped over them.

"I'm going to wash up for dinner." I announced, grabbing the book from the swing.

"I'll come with you." Danny answered.

The two of us went inside, leaving my two goon brothers on the back porch to rid themselves of the brotherly torture that had built up in the past seven days. We went upstairs to the bathroom and I quickly washed my hands in the sink before stepping aside for Danny who was obviously going to need a bit of elbow grease to clean himself up.

What you should know is that Danny is just another brother to me. Albeit a much kinder one than Brett and Rafe, but all the same, he had been around since before I can clearly remember and always brought a certain comfort for me with him. He was always the one to defend me against the wrath of the other two. Always stood up for me when I wanted to tag along, and always made sure I was never left behind for other games.

"What were guys doing out there?" I asked, handing him a wash cloth from the rack.

"Replacing a fuel line." He answered, soaping his arms up and using the cloth to scrub away the grime. He did the best he could at the sink, even getting under his nails, but I noticed a spot on the back of his left shoulder.

"Here, give me the wash cloth." I offered and began to wash it away for him. When I looked up I looked directly into the mirror and for a brief, strangely awkward second, I made eye contact with him. Suddenly, very suddenly, I was aware that my hand was still resting on his tanned, muscled arm and I quickly removed it, throwing the now black cloth into the sink.

He cleared his throat. "Thanks."

"No problem."

Rafe and Brett's footsteps then came thundering up the stairs. I stepped back even further as they stepped onto the landing and into the bathroom. Brett, though clean and well pressed when he arrived, was now disheveled, his hair in need of a good combing.

"Emily, dear, come help me set the table!" Ma's voice came up the stairs.

Danny's eyes were on me as I answered. I couldn't read them at all, and felt strange once more. Quickly I removed myself from the bathroom and hurried down the stairs to help my mother.

* * *

A few days later I found myself, on yet another suffocating hot day, sitting on the edge of a short fishing pier that jetted out onto Spring River, letting my bare feet dip into the cool water below. The sun was high and bright in the sky and next to me my best friend Charlotte Mills was sitting just as quietly as I was, her toes flicking across the top of the water. A few yards down a group of kids were splashing in the river. Charlotte's little brother Greg was one of them. Her mother had sent us down to keep an eye on him.

"I'm so hot." She breathed, gathering her black hair off her neck and pulling it off to the side, "I feel like I'm going to puddle right here and drip into the river."

My own red-gold waves were piled high on my head, but I fanned myself with a bare hand, agreeing with her."Yeah."

"Doesn't a root beer float sound divine right now? A nice cold glass of root beer with a big glob of vanilla ice cream?"

I giggled, "You're going to make my mouth water."

"I'm already there," she laughed.

We both continued our fit of giggles, but as it slowly came to a stop I found myself thinking about Danny like I had so many times in the past few days. The thought of him seemed to always be sitting in the very back of my mind just waiting for a moment when there was nothing else to think of and then jumped on me. I was more confused now than I was then about why I was feeling this way.

"Char?"

"Yeah."

"I need your help with something."

"Okay."

And so I told her. It didn't take long as there wasn't very much to say, but she was quiet and listened to every word I said with care, just like she always. When I finished she was silent for a moment, hugged her knees to her chest and squinted in the bright sun.

"Maybe your eyes just accidentally caught up to one another. Things like that happen everyday, but…well if that was the case I don't think it would be bugging you like it is."

"No." I replied, shaking my head.

"Oh hey," she nodded off toward the bank, bringing the topic to a premature halt, "Isn't that Rafe?"

I looked behind me and saw Rafe's old red Ford coming over the dirt road behind us. I waved and he waved back, coming to a stop.

"Hey." He said, getting out of the truck.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as he approached. Magically he produced two coke bottles and handed one to me and the other to Charlotte.

"Ma said you were down here…I thought I'd be a nice big brother."

"Thanks." Charlotte said with a smile and blush that I'm sure Rafe paid no attention to.

I, on the other hand, knew my brother too well take that answer, and the gift of pop for truth.

"Rafe? Really?"

He crinkled his brow and smiled, his white teeth a sharp contrast to his dark Tennessee tan. "Saw right through that, huh? Ok, I have a favor to ask you. And before you answer it, I want you to know that I fully intend on making it up to you."

"What?"

"I have a date tonight..."

Without even looking to her, I could see Charlotte's face fall. Rafe had been a particular crush of hers for a number of years. However I knew she wouldn't make a scene.

"…with Jenny Harris."

I shrugged my shoulders, "So."

"So, her parents don't trust me."

I nearly laughed and I could sense Charlotte holding back her own giggles. It was safe to say Rafe wasn't exactly a father's dream come true for his daughter. He didn't do particularly well in school, though he was smart as a whip, and tended to always be in trouble. Sometimes even Danny couldn't save him from it.

"So I said we could do a double thing. We're going to see the Bride of Frankenstein. You wanted to see that right?'

"Rafe, I don't know."

"C'mon, Em, please."

"Who's going to be her date?" Charlotte broke in.

My gaze swung towards her, "Charlotte!"

"Um, I don't know…if I asked Danny I'm sure he would." Rafe replied, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"No, Rafe I don't think-"

Charlotte clamped her hand over my mouth. "She'd love to."

I jerked her hand down, glaring at her. "What's your problem?"

"C'mon Emily, he's your brother. Help him out."

"Please, Em." Rafe practically whined.

With both faces staring at me so there was no way I could say no. I exhaled, defeated. "Oh Fine."

"Great." Rafe said, clapping his hands together. "I'll go let Jenny know then. We'll leave right after dinner, ok?"

I nodded and he smiled broadly and said his good-byes before running back to the truck and hopping in. Before we knew it, there was nothing but a cloud of dust behind him.

"What on earth possessed you to do that?" I nearly snapped once he was out of sight.

"You did. It's the perfect opportunity for you to fix this problem with Danny."

"I don't have a problem with Danny."

"Ok, fine, you don't. Then it's the perfect opportunity for you to make Rafe do your chores for a week."

She was making a joke, a very bad one, but all I could think of was the fact that she had practically thrown Danny and I together. We hadn't spoken in a week, and in all the years we had known one another that was the first time that I had ever happened. I no longer had that old familiar, comfortable feeling when I was around him and it was all because of some stupid look. It frustrated me. I hated not being able to control my feelings, emotions. Perhaps I was even a bit scared, though of what, I could not say.

"Em, it'll be fine. You're going to have fun."

"Right."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the great review, guys! Hope you enjoy this one and leave some love!! **

Chapter Three

Sunsets were a welcome end to any summer day, especially those accompanied with cool breezes and splashes of color across the sky. The harsh heat of the day was shooed away and one was able to take a deep breath and catch all the wonderful scents in the air. It was on such an evening that I found myself sitting on the first step of the front porch, clad in one of best dresses, my knees tucked casually under my folded arms, waiting for my brother to come out the front door behind me. Though I'd never admit it aloud, I was nervous.

Once we had seen her brother safely home, Charlotte had invited herself back to my house, making it her mission to dress me for the "date". I use the term loosely simply because I did not consider it a date at all. Rafe had popped his head in at one point telling me that Danny had agreed to the masquerade, dashing any hope I had of him not being able to come. Ma and Dad were fine with the arrangement, even encouraged it after realizing the house would complete empty of children for the evening.

My long golden curls were roughly combed and detangled and shined brightly after Charlotte worked her mysterious magic. She pinned two side strands back and pinched my cheeks for color. She then went to my closet and proceeded to pull out and criticize every piece of clothing she grabbed up before deciding on a yellow and blue print dress with a matching belt. She held it up to me, thought for a moment and then found my best pair of saddle shoes to go with it.

I had walked her out only ten minutes before, after she had approved of her work, and decided to wait outside for Rafe. So there I sat with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

I hated that I had told Charlotte about Danny, it just made the situation more confusing. Of course I couldn't be sure there was a situation at all. Perhaps I had just made it all up in my head. If that were the case, Danny no doubt thought I had lost my marbles. But hadn't he looked at me with the same confusion that afternoon? I brought my hand up and rested my chin, now I couldn't even remember.

Footsteps crunching on the gravel drive in front of me pulled me out of my thoughts and brought me face to face with a clean and neatly pressed Danny. His brown hair was combed to the side and he wore a crisp white button down with tan trousers. His hands were stuffed in his pockets.

"Hey." He said, stopping under my gaze.

I stood up, not quite sure why, my hand on the banister. "Hi."

"You, uh, look nice." He said, pausing mid sentence to clear his throat.

"You do too."

We smiled awkwardly at one another, confirming my suspicions that there was indeed something happening, something new and something that suddenly seemed not as terrible as I had thought.

His eyes suddenly fell south and he shifted his feet. "Can't believe Rafe talked you into this."

"Yeah neither can I.

And there was that silence again. That, annoying, awkward silence. Thankfully Rafe chose that moment to come outside.

"Oh, hey Danny."

Danny looked up, shaking away the nervous look that had been apparent on his face.

"Hey."

"You guys ready to go?" he asked us both.

"Yeah."

"Sure am." I chimed in, pushing any Danny related anxiety aside. The sooner this night started the sooner it would be over.

* * *

An hour later I sat in a dark theater with Danny to my left and Jenny Harris to my right, nibbling on a piece of buttered popcorn and silently cursing my brother for picking such a scary movie. I had lost count of how many times I had wanted to jump in shock or cover my eyes in fear. It seemed that every other girl in the audience was clinging to her date like a leech and it was silly to think that the guys didn't enjoy the closeness either. Even Rafe had his arm draped casually around Jenny's shoulders. She occasionally buried her face in his arm at scary moments and he held her closer. If I hadn't of been so preoccupied with my own thoughts I would have found it endearing.

Danny and I, for our part, sat stiff in our chairs, even keeping our feet distant from one another on the floor. I kept my focus firmly on the popcorn bucket between us and the screen. I watched as the monster kidnapped Dr. Frankenstein's wife, I watched as the doctor and his assistant diligently created a date for the monster, but as the music became more ominous and the fear reached its peak I suddenly gasped as the doctor announced "She's alive!" and the Bride of Frankenstein's eyes popped open. What I realized, after it was too late, was that my hand was gripping Danny's arm, my nails practically digging into his skin.

"Oh." I pulled my hand away and managed a sheepish smile. "Sorry." I whispered.

But he was smiling. "Its okay." He whispered back.

It was silly, the theater was dark and I could barely see my own hand in front of my face, but his smile had come in clear as day to me. Brown eyes twinkling with warmth, white teeth stark against his tan skin, and a warm tingly sensation that struck me from head to toe…goodness!

* * *

Through the next hour of the film I only pretended to watch the screen, in my head, I kept seeing his smile playing back over and over again.

After the movie was over we followed the crowd out of the theater and into the lamp lit streets of Shelby, Rafe and Jenny hand in hand, Danny and I side by side.

"Good movie." Rafe remarked as we walked towards his truck.

"Yeah I liked it." Jenny replied, "Scary though, huh Emily?"

I glanced at Danny, not being able to help myself and smiled, "Yeah." My heart nearly jumped when he smiled back.

"Hey Danny, can I talk to you for a sec?" Rafe then asked.

Danny shrugged his shoulders and followed Rafe off towards the dark windows of Johnson's Drug Store. Jenny and I stood in silence the few seconds that they were gone, when they came back Rafe put his arm around Jenny again.

"Em, you all right to walk home with Danny?" he asked me.

I looked from Rafe to Danny, then to Jenny. It was obvious the two of them wanted to get rid of us. Danny said nothing, his hands still stuffed in his pockets. I silently wondered how they were going to explain our absence to Jenny's parents if I agreed to it, but the thought of being alone with Danny, especially after the small moment we shared in the theater, didn't seem to bother me as much as I thought it might.

"That's fine." I answered. After all, the moon was bright, the night was warm and the company was welcome.

We said our good-byes at the truck, Rafe telling me to tell mom and dad not to wait up for him. When they were gone, Danny and I turned to one another.

"Full of himself, isn't he?" Danny said with a laugh. "Don't wait up." He mocked and I laughed along with him.

"You don't mind walking?" he then asked.

"No, it's not that far." I answered honestly.

"Okay."

He offered to get me a pop at the gas station, but I told him I was fine and we began the walk home. It was a good twenty minutes or so along the road, fifteen if you cut through the fields, but neither one of us seemed keen to take the shortcut at night. Instead we walked side by side on the empty road, the full bright moon ahead of, guiding the way.

"It was a good movie." He said after we had walked the first few minutes in silence.

I nodded. "I liked it."

"Yeah I have the bruise on my arm to prove it." He teased, with a smile.

"I am so sorry about that."

"Nah, I told you it was fine…look" he held out his arm to me, "I doubt there will be a scar."

I smiled and gave a tiny laugh. The small talk was becoming awkward.

"I don't go out much, in case you haven't noticed."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, not since Mary anyway. Seems like I've been too busy, ya know?"

I nodded. Mary Jackson was Danny's last girlfriend. I had met her a few times, she was very quiet a girl and they hadn't dated more than a month or so before she called it off. That was more than a year ago and she had since married Tim Hodge and moved to Nashville. I didn't know how Danny felt about her or even if he felt at all so I said nothing.

"You don't go out very much either, huh?"

I turned to him as we walked, finding the question oddly out of context. "No, I guess not."

"Rob Burns always had a thing for you. He used to follow you around school like some lost puppy."

"He wasn't really my type."

"Do you have a type?"

"That's an odd question."

"Just a question. I can't even really remember you having a boyfriend."

I stopped walking then and stared at him, more like glared at him. "Are you trying to insult me?"

"No, I was just making an observation… why I didn't mean anything by it."

I didn't say anything. He seemed to be…nervous. Never in my life had I known Danny to be nasty in anyway. This attitude was very out of character.

"Sorry, I'm being an ass. I don't know why, but I'm nervous. I've always be pretty comfortable around you, but lately…I don't know, something has changed. Its like your not Rafe's little sister anymore. I feel like I need to impress you or something."

"You don't have to do that, Danny."

He shrugged, looking straight ahead "Like I said, you're not Rafe's little sister…You're a girl…a girl that I like."

We both stopped, whether it was because of the turn the conversation had taken or the fact that my driveway was only a few feet away, I didn't know. But in the moonlight, I saw his eyes and my heart melted.

"You like me?" I asked the question in a meek voice that didn't even sound like my own.

He smiled, "Yeah... I have for awhile."

Though I was nearly burning to ask for how long he had liked me exactly, I remained quiet, a small smile permantely fixed upon my face. I felt like nothing could make it go away.

"And I think now would be the perfect time for me to kiss you." He said in a voice so faint it was near a whisper.

"Kiss me?" my own voice was on the verge of cracking as I asked the question. My face was suddenly hot and I could feel knees begin to shake.

"If it's okay with you?"

I couldn't even manage the words and answered with a simple nod, caught up in the magic that the moment had created.

But before I could even think of answering the question he was there, his lips coming over mine, warm and soft. His fingers threaded carefully through the curls of my hair and his hand came up to cup the back of my neck, urging me closer to him and then I just seemed to fall into him. My head was swimming, my skin was warm to the touch and then suddenly he stopped, abrubtly pulling away.

The air between us was still and the only sound was the rapid breaths I expressed and the pounding of my heart in my chest. His once warm eyes were now dark and heavy with conflict.

"I should go."

"Go?"

"Yeah." He backed away even further, hands now back in his pockets. "Tell Rafe I'll see him...I'll see him later." And then, without another word he turned and walked away, leaving me standing alone on the empty dirt road with nothing but the moonlight to lead me to my front door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to each and every one of you for your wonderful reviews! Without them I probably wouldn't continue this..seriously! lol And pardon if there are any grammar or spelling errors in this chapter**.** Its late and I did the best I could. Much Love!**

Chapter Four

I didn't sleep well that night and even when I did manage to slip into dreamland, I never stayed for long. I was full of questions and that I could provide no definite answers for. Nothing frustrated me more than to be out of control in a situation. I liked my mind cool and sensible without a hint of confusion or lack of self assurance. In this case I was lacking in all of those categories. And on top of everything, I was angry. Hurt, embarrassed and angry.

Grandpa says the McCawley's are known for their irrationality, stubbornness and sometimes, even their temper. I considered myself lucky for so long to never have that issue with any of those things, but when Danny had walked away from me I nearly kicked rocks and went chasing after him. It wasn't any rational thought that kept me from doing so either, it was spinelessness. The kiss hadn't been my first, Henry Garrison had taken care of that in the fifth grade, but it was the first that had meant something to me and his abrupt exit had crushed me and I was afraid then of being hurt more.

When I went downstairs the next morning, I met Rafe at the landing. He took one look at the violet circles under my eyes and my overall disheveled appearance and raised an eyebrow, but I was down the stairs before he could say anything.

I moved through the day in a fog. I did my chores without any of my usual speed and if my parents noticed, they were silent on the matter. I was afraid to have any moment of silence or idleness where that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach would have a chance to return.

The last chore on my list was sweeping the porch. I did it everyday, but just as I had done everything else that day, I moved at a snails pace. The sun was high in the sky, it was almost noon. Ma was in the kitchen making lunch, Rafe and Dad were doing something in the shed. I was surrounded by quiet and it was beginning to get to me. I swept the straw broom under the front door and moved the dust to the end of the porch and pushed it off, focusing on the swishing sound of the straw against the wood of the porch floor.

"Emily."

I turned suddenly, startled by the sound of my name and almost dropped the broom when I saw Danny standing on the porch steps.

"Hi." Was all he said.

I said nothing. I didn't know what to say and even if I did, I probably still would have stayed silent. How could he stand there and say 'Hi' like nothing had happened?

He waited for my reply but when several moments passed of me just staring at him, he nodded, understanding and climbed the steps, coming to a stop in front of me.

"You're mad at me." He concluded.

My silence was his answer. He nodded and nervously shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers.

"Guess I deserve that." He mumbled. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

I shifted my gaze. I could feel the sincerity in his words, but that didn't mean I wanted him to know that.

He stared at me, I'm sure waiting for some kind of response, even if it was just a small movement, but I did nothing. Looking back on it now I realize how stupid that was, and how childish, but I wasn't thinking with my head. My hurt feelings were doing all of the work.

"Do you even realize what you are apologizing for?" I suddenly asked a surprising iciness to my voice that I had never heard before.

He looked up and stared for a moment. "For kissing you." He then replied. "I took advantage of you."

"That's ridiculous and you're ridiculous for thinking that of yourself. I'm angry because you ran away from me like I was the plague or something AFTER you kissed me."

His head fell in shame, "I'm a coward."

I didn't argue.

"I shouldn't have done it though. It wasn't right. It was too fast."

"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?" I asked. "It's not like I just met you last night."

"But I'm guessing you hadn't even thought of something like that happening between us until last night." He came back, startling me into silence. "I haven't been able to keep my eyes off of you for months now," he continued, "But you haven't even given me a second glance, not until the other day at least. Whatever you're feeling it's all new to you, but me, it's been stewing inside of me for a long time now. I haven't told anyone how I've felt. I've hidden it and it seems I've done a pretty good job up until now.

"I stayed up all night thinkin' you had told Rafe what happened and that I was going to end the day with a black eye the size of Texas after he was done with me. But you know what; it would have been worth it. I may have apologized just now, but that was for you, so you wouldn't hate me, but I don't regret what I did, not at all."

His words were so strong and powerful I felt like I had run head first into a brick wall. I opened my mouth, but there were no words to be found. I stammered and searched for something, anything to say.

"I didn't tell anyone."

"I figured." He replied. "When Rafe wasn't beating down my door at dawn wanting my blood."

He was exaggerating of course, but it wasn't far from what could have been the truth. Rafe was quite hot headed and rather chauvinistic on occasion.

"What now?" I then asked after a long, long moment of silence.

"We should just forget about it."

"What?" I couldn't hide my shock…or disappointment

"We just need to go back to the way things were. It will be less complicated that way."

I stared at him, speechless.

"Look you're starting school in a few days and your focus should be there, not on me. Rafe and I are taking that second job at the scrap yard. We'd never see each other. You've actually got a future to strive for, Emily and I'm sure as hell not going to get in the way of that." He said hurried, all in one breath, then sighed. "And then there's the obvious. Rafe. He's my best friend and I'm not going to put him in any kind of awkward position."

I was quiet then, taking in everything he had said. The rational part of my mind had returned and I realized everything he had said made sense, especially the part about Rafe. It just wouldn't be fair to him at all. But there was a small voice inside of me, perhaps from my heart that was screaming "No!" I pushed it down, ignoring it and nodded.

He nodded back, but his eyes were downcast as if he already regretted his decision. "I'm sorry, Em."

I nodded my reply. I didn't feel like talking anymore.

"Well…guess I'd better go. My dad is probably wondering where I am." He turned and started down the steps and then stopped and looked back at me. "Don't get offended if I avoid you, at least for a little while."

I nodded again, understanding and watched him turn back and continue down the steps, across the gravel drive and disappear behind the trees.

* * *

I walked into the house only a few moments later and shut the door behind me. I could hear Ma moving around in the kitchen so I walked towards the living room and found myself sliding onto the bench of the upright piano that we had inherited from my mother's grandmother many years ago. It was old and dusty, and though I had had lessons as a child, I very rarely played. I pressed a key, and then another, my fingers slowly remembering the graceful glide across the ivories. Though it was no where near perfection, I started to play Moonlight Sonata.

I thought as I played. Thought about Danny, about his kiss, about his words on the porch only minutes before and about everything I was feeling, from both my heart and mind. Perhaps it had been too fast, the kiss. As I thought about it, it really did seem rushed, but I don't recall thinking that at the time. In fact I remember those moments right before his lips touched mine as be agonizingly long. It wasn't hard to figure out that I did in fact like him, did want more from him than just a friendship. Perhaps I had for awhile. Maybe it wasn't as fast as he made it out to be.

When I was twelve or thirteen I remember realizing for the first time that Danny was in fact handsome. It was pointed out to me by Mrs. O'Leary, one of my mother's friends who was visiting one afternoon. She and Ma had sat on the porch sipping lemonade. I had sat with them, listening to their gossip quietly, careful not disturb when Danny came by asking for Rafe. Ma had told him he was upstairs and Danny thanked her and gone inside. When he was out of hearing, Mrs. O'Leary remarked.

"My that boy has gotten handsome! He has his dear departed Mama's eyes, his Papa's build and a smile to melt butter."

Ma had chuckled and agreed.

I had too.

Nothing had ever come of it though. No girl hood crushes or anything of that sort, he was still just a "brother" to me. He truly did "live" at our house.

I stopped playing then and shut the lid over the keys, the thought of Danny's father, Cole Walker, coming in to my head. If there was ever a reason for Danny to want to be away from home it was because of his father. He was a good man, or so my parents had told me, but his demons haunted him daily and nothing he seemed to do would make them go away. He drank to escape them, in excess. The Great War, Danny's mother's death, and Lord knows what else…every last bad memory was temporarily cured by a bottle of some sort. I knew he had beat Danny. I had seen the bruises. I had seen the pain in Danny's eyes as he was torn between loving and hating his own father. But suddenly, a few years before, it had all stopped. It was whispered among parents that the drinking had finally taken its toll on the man. He stopped working, stopped tending to the farm and let it all go to pieces. That was when Danny had gone to work for my father. He was the one that put food on the table, clothes on their backs and all while still in school. I don't know how he did it. Mr. Walker had become something of recluse. He rarely, if ever, came out of the house now and I heard from Rafe that he was bed ridden most of that time.

I exhaled deeply and looked up, catching a glimpse of the framed pictures lined up on the top of the piano. Rafe, Brett and I on the front porch a few years back, Ma and Dad on their wedding day, a seven year old Rafe sitting on Dad's lap in the crop duster…my family had wonderful memories. We had our share of hard times just like any other family, but somehow, life had always been carefree and happy in our house.

It wasn't any wonder that Danny wanted to be a part of it.

Was that another reason he hadn't wanted to disrupt things by starting a relationship with me? Maybe he was afraid of losing the place he held in our lives by becoming something more than just Rafe's best friend.

It didn't matter though. He had said we needed to go back to the way things were and I had agreed. I had to ignore that feeling in my heart. That black, empty feeling that was now present whenever I thought about tomorrow and the days after that without having him close. Yes, I had to just push it aside and forget all about it.

I was strong, I could do that.

Besides, it's not like I was in love with him or anything.


	5. Chapter 5

**I realize its been FOREVER since I posted a new chapter and I'm so sorry! lol First I went on vacation and then my computer got a unwelcome cup of milk poured on its keyboard so I had to send it off to Dell to get fixed! ANYWAY I hope I actually still have readers out there (that's a hint to review, my Loves!) and I hope that I did at least an okay job with this chapter :)**

**ENJOY!!!**

Chapter Five

_September 1935_

"I do like the red checkered, but I do think the gingham would wear longer." My mother observed quietly to herself. I stood beside her in the general store and sighed, the basket of groceries heavy in my hands. She had been going back and forth on the two bolts of fabric in front of her for nearly twenty minutes now, trying to decide which one would make better curtains for the kitchen window. Even Mrs. White, behind the counter, had started to look a tad annoyed.

"Ma…"

"Oh I know." She replied, laughing softly, "I'm being a pain." She closed her eyes twirled her finger around and let it land on the red checkered. "There, Dottie. This one right here. If they do fade, I suppose it will give me an excuse to make new ones six months from now." I nearly rolled my eyes at the thought of doing this again so soon.

Mrs. White cut off the desired amount and bound it neatly around its own bolt before handing it to Ma. "Will that be all?"

"Is there anything you needed, Emily?" Ma asked me and I shook my head, desperate to get out of the confines of the hot and stuffy store that was packed to the brim with people.

We moved to the cash register, where Ma paid and Bobby White, Mrs. White's son and a classmate of mine, packed our purchases up for us.

"Thank you for your help today, dear." Ma said on our way out. I was following close behind. "I know you'd rather be with your friends, especially on an afternoon like this." She referred to the bright cloudless sky and record breaking temperature that had sent most of my friends down to the river to swim or sunbathe.

The truth was that I hadn't really wanted to go in the first place. In fact if I had had my own way I would have stayed at home, safe in the privacy of my own room today, but when Ma had asked me for my help on the weekly shopping trip, I couldn't exactly say no.

We stepped outside and my eyes squinted, adjusting to the brightness of the sun. We had parked across the street from the store, but just as I was about to step down off the curb, Ma's voice had me turning back.

"Well Danny, what are you doing here?" She exclaimed, her arms outstretched for Danny who was coming out of Werner's Drug Store. She hugged him tight, while I stood there, awkwardly frozen in place. Danny and I hadn't seen much of one another since that day on the front porch all those weeks ago and every time we had, there was always a strange unease that seemed to be present.

"It's been strange not seeing you everyday. I can imagine you've been working hard just like Rafe has at the scrap yard."

"Yes ma'am." His eyes cut to me for a moment, but were quickly back on Ma. "It's been paying off though."

"Well you're looking like you're in need a good meal. I've had the pot roast in the oven all day and won't take no for an answer. Emily is going to get to work on the potatoes as soon as we get home, aren't you, Dear?"

"Sounds nice, Mrs. McCawley, but I don't think I can make it."

"Oh." Ma paused for a moment, I'm sure to wonder why he had declined her invitation, something he had never done before. In fact Danny was never really one to wait for an invitation, especially when it came to Ma's pot roast. I knew the reason and I was surprised the whole street hadn't picked up on the tension I could feel settling between him and I.

"Well, Dear, you know you're always welcome." She finally said. "And if you should change your mind, we'll be there."

He smiled a smile that only my eyes could see as forced. "Thanks.

Ma turned back to me. "Well Emily, we best hurry home before I think of anything else I don't need to buy." She joked and then gave Danny a tight squeeze before bidding him good-bye and leading the way towards the car.

Danny's eyes were on me again and for a long second I was trapped beneath their warm, poignant stare, but reluctantly and for reasons I wasn't quite sure of, I pulled away and turned my back to him and walked away.

The past few weeks had been hard. I had gone from that afternoon in my living room last month with an open mind. Danny was right, I told myself, it was something that needed to be forgotten, something that didn't really matter to me at all in the first place…but that didn't help. If anything that frame of mind made me all the more miserable. True to his word, he had kept his distance from me and it had been hard in the beginning, but some where along the line that pain had turned into frustration because for all my trying, all my attempts to keep him of my mind, the thoughts came back at me ten fold. He haunted me, both awake and in my dreams; the thought of him was always with me.

I had told Charlotte what had happened, of course. She was my best friend after all and when one needed advice, who better to go to than their closest friends. But even she was at a loss for words after I had finished my tale. All she could do was sit there and stare at me, looking as confused and helpless as I felt. And while my parents and Rafe had noticed my more melancholy mood, they chalked it up the angst of a teenager and left it at that. Rafe occasionally teased me about a mystery boy, but I shut him up with a shove or stamp on the foot and ignored him his mocked yelps of pain.

Later that afternoon, after I had helped Ma with dinner, I went for a walk. I didn't have any particular destination in mind; I just needed a quiet moment to myself. It was still warm out, but not overly so, and I let my feet carry me through the harvested corn fields, down the grass hills towards the small creek that streamed away from Spring River. It was its own little oasis with its own little grove of trees that provided a natural shade on sunny days just as this. The creek water danced softly over the smooth bed of stones, the leaves on the trees rustled as the wind moved through them and I sat down on the softest patch of grass, settled my back against a middle aged oak, and took in the perfect combination of it all.

I crossed my legs, smoothing out the skirt of my dress, let my head fall back against the sturdy trunk behind me and closed my eyes. I let my mind peacefully go blank, thinking only of the wind, the trees, the sun, and not of anything else. Moments like these brought me back down to earth. I could clear my mind, throwing all troubles and thoughts out in front of me and patiently pluck them back one at a time and deal with them at my own pace, in my own way. Up until now that had always worked for me, but Danny had thrown me through a proverbial loop and still, after all these weeks I had yet to find a way to fix this problem. Instead I chose to sit there, eyes closed, mind void of all troublesome thoughts and let the peace wash over me.

That lasted only a few more moments.

I didn't even have to open my eyes to know he was standing next to me. I could feel his eyes on me, I caught that familiar scent of his cologne on the wind…my heart beat faster knowing he was near.

I opened my eyes and saw him standing there, looking somewhat startled at the sight of me. He was casually handsome in khakis and a dark blue button down with the cuffs rolled up. His page boy hat sat slanted on his head. I nearly went breathless at his handsomeness.

"Hi."

"Hi." I repeated.

"You probably want to be alone. I can go-"

"No…it's okay."

"I don't want to bother you."

"Really," I assured, "Stay."

He didn't look entirely convinced, but moved closer to me and sat down next to me under the tree. We were both silent for a long moment, not looking at one another, staring straight ahead at the creek before us. I drew my legs up and wrapped my arms around them.

"How ya been, Em?" he suddenly asked.

"Good, I've been good. How about you?"

He nodded, "The same."

"Rafe says you guys have been really busy at the scrap yard." I then said, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah, it's um…its good work."

"Yeah…"

And then the silence consumed us again. He shifted next to me, propping an arm up on a bended knee, inadvertently moving himself just a tad closer to me. An inch, maybe half an inch was all it took to send the blood rushing to my face and get my heart racing.

"So Rafe says you've been moping around the house for the past few weeks about some mystery guy whose name you refuse to give up."

I was startled, not only by what he had said, but the way he had said. There was an edge of playful humor that made me want to giggle.

"Oh yeah?" I turned to him.

"Yeah." He smiled handsomely. "Anyone I know?"

I couldn't help but smile back. "Um…maybe."

He laughed and our happy eyes met one another and locked. His hand came up and gently he traced the line of my jaw with his fingertips.

"I hate not talking to you. Not seeing you." He then said in a near whispered voice, his eyes themselves saying so much more.

His touch on my face was so warm, so soft, that I found myself leaning into it, my eyes closing. It was one of those perfect moments where you truly do feel as if you were the only two people on the planet. His scent was suddenly all around me and realized then that the mixture of his cologne, soap, and the summer sun was far more intoxicating than anything else I had ever know. I pleaded silently for him to kiss me.

But instead, he pulled away.

"What am I doing?" he pushed himself up and stepped away. "This isn't right. I told you this wasn't right."

I stood up, "Danny-"

"I have no control when I'm around you." He interrupted. "Do you have any idea how that feels? Keeping my distance only seems to a make it worse. I dream about you every night. I see your face wherever I go. The thought of you is never far from my mind, awake, asleep, it doesn't matter. And the worst part…the worst part is that Rafe is always there! He looks at me and he knows that there's something going on that I'm not telling him. I'm lying to you, lying to him and even lying to myself. Right now, I want nothing more than to just sit here with you and not have to think about how I'm being selfish, about how I don't care about how this will affect the one person in my life who has He stopped, his chest moved up and down with each rapid breath he took and I went to him.

"You said I didn't understand this. You said that it wasn't real, but it is. Everything you just said, I feel it too."

"You're only seventeen…"

"A whole year younger than you! Oh yes, that's really saying something."

"Emily, you don't understand."

"Then explain it to me." I challenged looking him square in the eyes.

He shook his head. "How can I when I can't even explain it to myself?" his hands came up and cupped my face, the pads of his thumbs running delicately across my skin. I rested my hands on his arms, feeling the muscles flex at my touch.

"Why don't you just kiss me?" I whispered.

"Yeah, why don't I?"

And then he did. It was soft and sweet kiss that sent tingles shooting throughout me. I had never in my life felt anything so wonderful. When it was over he pressed his forehead to mine and wrapped his arms tightly around me. Both of us gazed at the other, the stars twinkling brightly in our eyes.

"I hear music when I kiss you."

I couldn't help but giggle. "You do?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what do you hear?"

"Right now, um Cole Porter."

"Is he all you hear?"

He considered the question for only a moment before smiling and grinning down at me, "It varies from kiss to kiss."

"You're trying to be charming."

"I AM charming."

I giggled again, but it was short. For all too soon I began to think of the future, not in terms of years or months, but minutes and seconds and my gaze broke and fell away from his.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." He replied after a pause. "We tried ignoring one another and that sure didn't work. Maybe…maybe we should just…I don't know, keep it to ourselves."

I looked up. "Like a secret?"

"Yeah"

"And then what?"

"If you're looking for answers, you've come to wrong place, Em. This isn't a habit for me…sneaking around with my best friend's sister…I don't know what to do. I know I like you, I know that Rafe wouldn't like us together, but I know I want us to be together. Right now keeping it a secret is really the only option I can see. I don't want to lie to him, but I also don't want to NOT see you. I can't do it. So don't ask me to."

"I don't want that either. I just wish there was another way."

"Me too."

We both fell silent. Above us, the sun was beginning to sink into the horizon and around us the air was cooling. I thought of what had just happened; what we had said, what we had done, and it warmed me. After the emptiness that had consumed me for the past month, it was a welcome and desired feeling that I, selfishly, didn't want to let go of. I realized then, that I wanted the feeling to last; I wanted the moment to last. This wonderful moment where I was in his arms and his kiss was still so fresh on my lips and where we were hidden in our own little oasis where no one from the outside would even to think to look for us. Realistically I knew, we couldn't say here forever, but was I willing to let go of the promise of more moments like these? Some that might even be better than this one, if that was at all possible. No. I couldn't do that. I wanted to be selfish; I wanted this moment and all the others that would come after it. I didn't have to look that far into the future and worry about the consequences, not now, not yet. I was too young. I deserved this, I know I did.

"Okay." I spoke up. "It's a secret."

"Yeah?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

He pulled me close, his arms wrapping me in a warm embrace. His whispered sweet promises and kissed my cheek. When we parted, I saw the sky becoming darker and knew it was time to end our time together…for now.

"It's getting late."

He looked up and agreed. "Yeah. C'mon then, I'll walk you home."

"Okay."

And hand in hand, with only some certainty about the future, we began the walk back to my house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Can I just say that writers block SUCKS? I can't believe I went this long without posting a chapter. I must finish this story, I must, I must, I MUST!**

Chapter Six

Some weeks later I found myself sitting in the booth at the A&W in town, sipping on my root beer and chatting with Charlotte who sat across from me. Our math books, which we had brought along, sat open in front of us on the table, but neither of us had paid them much attention. It was a Saturday after all, and there were much more important things we needed to concern ourselves with- such as Charlotte's new boyfriend, Billy Wilson. I sat there, listened, smiled, and laughed as she talked about going to the movies with him the night before, about how he had walked her home from school everyday this past week. She was clearly besotted with him and I was happy for her, but secretly I was relieved that her life had taken this sudden turn so that I wasn't tempted to tell her about my own. I had promised Danny I would keep our secret between the two of us, but it wasn't easy. I was used to telling Charlotte everything and I had to keep reminding myself of that promise.

The past few weeks had been wonderful for me. Everyday after dinner Danny and I would meet at that same spot by the creek. In a way I guess it had become our secret place. No one else seemed to even know about it and the unusually warm weather had continued allowing us comfortable, warm, cozy evenings under the shade of the trees talking about our days, holding hands, and sometimes just sitting there in complete, blissful silence next to each other. It nearly killed me that I couldn't tell Charlotte any of this, but somehow I was managing to cope.

As Charlotte began to talk about the plans she and Billy had made for tonight and our waitress came by and filled our glasses for us, I saw Danny, Rafe, and Johnny Grant, one of their friends who also worked at the scrap yard, walk into the diner. I wasn't sure how, but somehow Danny knew I was sitting there and gave me a quick smile and tiny wave that both my brother and Johnny failed to see. I smiled back and then quickly took a drink of my freshened root beer before Charlotte would notice. The three of them took seats at the counter and I tried to hide the butterflies that always seemed to start fluttering within me whenever I saw Danny.

"Hold on now, boys. I spy a table with beautiful scenery!" Johnny suddenly exclaimed from the counter. Charlotte and I both looked up just as he started to make his way over to us. Rafe and Danny followed just as Johnny slid into the seat next to me.

"And how are you doing on this beautiful day, Rafe's Little Sister?" he asked, his eyebrows waggled at me.

"Watch it now, Grant. It's too hot for me to hand your ass to you this afternoon." Rafe warned, sitting down next to Charlotte. Poor Danny was forced to pull a chair up to the end of the booth and there was no mistaking the glare on his face towards Johnny.

Johnny's arm slid around my shoulders and he winked at Rafe. "C'mon McCawley you can trust me. I'm a nice guy." He turned back to me, "How have you been, Emily? I don't see you very much anymore."

"Because you graduated," I said simply, taking another sip from my glass.

"Yes, I did, didn't I? Well let's remedy that problem, go out with me tonight."

I had to stare at him. Johnny had always been a somewhat conceited, rather annoying fellow, but never had he paid one ounce of attention to me. Where had this come from?

"Grant, you're asking for it." Rafe warned, but he looked amused. Danny did not. I gathered I was the only one at the table that had noticed him though. Even Charlotte seemed amused by the spectacle going on in front of her.

"C'mon Emily, a burger and maybe a movie, I'm not asking for much." Johnny pressed his eyes on Rafe. Obviously he was trying to get under his skin.

"Thanks but I don't think so." I finally said. "Charlotte and I have plans." We didn't really, but Charlotte knew better than to say so.

"Oh c'mon-"

"She said No!" Danny suddenly snapped.

There was second, maybe two of silence that followed. I remember seeing the anger and annoyance in Danny's dark, burrowed glare and sinking back as far as the booth cushions would allow.

Johnny's laughter broke the awkward silence.

"See what you've done now, Em? Even Walker, the quiet boy, is getting all scrappy. You best start cooperating and just say 'Yes' to our date tonight."

That's when Danny lost it.

In a flash he had stood up, kicked the chair out from underneath him and had his fists around the collar of Johnny's shirt, pulling him up to glare at him face to face. "What part of 'No' don't you understand?" he demanded.

"Danny." Rafe said calmly, but Danny either ignored him or was too far gone in his anger to hear him.

"C'mon you piece of shit, answer me!"

"Walker, drop me! I was just playing around! What the hell's gotten your shorts in a bunch?"

Of course the sudden spectacle had brought every eye in the small restaurant down on our table. Even Smitty, the manager had come out from the back to see what was going on.

Rafe stepped forward then, "Danny, damn it, stop!"

"Boys, I'm going to tell you once and only once to stop this. You've got a fight, take it somewhere else. This is a place of business and a family business at that. I won't have you coming in here and causing this kind of scene." Smitty said.

"All right, c'mon, you've had your fun. Just let it go." Rafe spoke again.

And then Danny just dropped him. Johnny fell against the booth as he attempted to regain his balance and find his footing. "What the hell is your problem?" he glared.

"Get out of here, Grant!" Rafe told him.

"Rafe—"

"GO!"

Cussing under his breath, Johnny did as he was told and walked out of the A&W without a word or glance to anyone. All eyes went back to Danny who still looked angry enough to pull the horns off a bull. No one said anything. A gaping black hole seemed to have been ripped through my abdomen and I was torn between throwing up everything I had consumed that day or taking refuge underneath our table for the next week or so. Lucky for me my lack of ability to move even my pinky finger saved me from having to do either.

"C'mon, let's get out of here." Rafe finally said, clapping a hand on Danny's shoulder. My brother nodded a farewell in our direction and led Danny out of the restaurant. Charlotte turned to me after they were gone, her eyes wide and her expression stunned.

"Jeepers."

"Yeah."

"Who knew Danny had such a…well an aggressive side. It's always the quiet one huh? I can't really blame him, Johnny is such a creep. You know he was only hanging on you to bother Rafe."

"Yeah."

"Emily, dear, its takes two to have a conversation."

"Huh—oh. Yeah, sorry, I guess I'm pretty shocked too."

She sipped her pop, "I'm sure Rafe will sort him out. Anyway," she folded her hands and leaned across the table, "Back to Billy."

Our conversation continued like nothing had ever stopped it. Charlotte prattled on and on about Billy, about a dress pattern she had fallen in love with in a catalog, and the new Errol Flynn movie we both wanted to see, but had yet to come to theater in town. I was gracious and attentive, but all the while my mind was still on Danny. I wondered where Rafe had taken him, if he had cooled down, or even if he had gotten himself more worked up. The menacing thought that maybe Danny had lose his senses and up and told Rafe the truth about why he was really so upset, also crept into my mind. I pictured my brother, mad as hell, coming back into the A&W and yelling at me for being a liar and horrible sister. My stomach turned at the thought and my head began to pound. Eventually I had to break our conversation and tell Charlotte I needed to get home. I felt horrible, but I wasn't going to be very good company with my mind racing the way it was. She smiled and nodded and we paid our bill and left together, getting on our bikes and headed to respective homes.

When I reached my house, I leaned my bicycle against the porch steps before going inside. Dad was in the living room sitting on the sofa. The radio was on and the day's paper was opened in his hands.

"Hey Kiddo," he said.

"Hi. Rafe home?" I cautiously asked.

"Not that I know of."

I exhaled a sigh of relief and went upstairs to my room. After I had shut the door and closed the curtains, I fell down my bed and closed my eyes to ward off the pounding ache in my head.

Everything was going to be fine, I told myself. Don't worry. It's all just fine. Now sleep…

* * *

I came downstairs a few hours later, not feeling much better than I had when I had gone up. Feeling like death, I walked into the kitchen, but nearly jumped back a hundred feet when I saw Rafe sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich.

"Hey." He said.

I paused, "Um, hi." And then I took another long pause before asking. "Everything okay?"

"Hmm, oh yeah. Don't know what the hell got into Danny, but its fine now. You all right? Ma said you were asleep up there?"

Relieved, I sank down in to the table chair across from him. "Just a headache."

"Oh, well, the folks are over at the Nelson's for dinner. I just made a sandwich for myself. Got a date with Anne tonight. You going to be okay by yourself?"

I nodded. I noticed that he was already cleaned and dressed to go out.

"Okay. See ya later then, Shrimp." He gave me a playful punch as he walked past me and out the door. Seconds later I heard the front door open and shut and then his truck engine roar to life outside. I sat for a few minutes in silence after he left. I knew why my head hurt, why my stomach felt like it had been caught under a cattle stampede…it was guilt. Rafe didn't deserve this. Neither did Danny or I for that matter. We didn't have anything to be ashamed of…anything to be scared of. I knew Danny had his reasons for what we were doing, but after the past three weeks, with everything going as great as it was why couldn't we just forget about everything and throw away the secret?

I shook my head and got up from the table. Hungry, I began to make myself some dinner. I pulled the bread out of the box and began to slice it up for a sandwich. Distractedly, I heard the front door open and close again, but assumed it was Rafe and went on about my business. It was only when I looked up a few moments later that I saw that I was wrong.

"Danny."

"Hi…where is everyone?"

"Out. What are you doing here?"

"Hoping to see you actually." He came over to the counter next to me and leaned against it. "I'm sorry about this afternoon. I shouldn't have let that ass Grant get to me like that."

"I'm not mad at you." I told him, now putting slices of ham on the bread.

"Well regardless, I owe you an apology. And probably one to Charlotte too. She probably thought I was three sheets to the wind by the way I was acting."

I laughed. "Not quite." I finished my sandwich and looked up at him. "Are you hungry?"

"So we're going to forget all about it then."

"If that's alright with you... Are you hungry?" I asked again.

"Sure."

"Ham?"

"Sounds good."

I set about making a second sandwich as Danny sat himself down at the table. I then poured two glasses of milk and brought the simple meal to the table. After we were both done Danny helped me clean and put away the dishes before we wandered into the living room to listen to some music.

I sat down on the couch while Danny went to the radio and began turning the dial, looking for a clear station. Tucking my legs underneath me, I smoothed out the skirt of the green patterned dress that I wore and when I looked up I saw Danny standing in front of me, holding out his hand. Dream and Little Dream of Me by the Dorsey Brothers was playing softly on the radio and he smiled and said, "Dance with me?"

I smiled back, but couldn't help from looking to him to looking around the room and then back at him with question. "What if someone comes home?"

"Well then I throw you to the ground and run out the back."

"As long as you have a plan," I conceded and took his offered hand. He guided my spare arm to his shoulder and slipped his own around my waist before we fell into a slow easy step. We swayed back and forth to the soft music, his eyes locked onto mine and my hand practically shaking in his.

It's hard to identify your thoughts in moments like those, where you feel the world has slowed its rotation just for you. There's no one else, no interruptions, just you and that person who's staring lovingly into your eyes. I could feel the romance practically sizzling around us.

The song went on as did our dance and somehow my body moved closer to his until I was leaning against his strong figure, my hands on his shoulder. I closed my eyes; the song was ending, but floated into another and our dance kept on going. I drew in a deep breath as we rocked back and forth, taking in the spicy and sweet scent of him. I could hear his heartbeat and the beats matched my own. Both his arms were around my waist now, both of mine around his shoulders and though neither of us spoke, we both looked up and at one another and then kissed.

His lips were sweet and gentle over mine and moved in a soft fluid motion that sent my heart pounding. His hands came up from my waist and I felt them going up to the back of my neck and tangling into my hair. A groan hitched in my throat as he deepened the kiss and pulled me closer.

"Emily." He pulled away, my name sweet on his lips. My eyes were still closed, but I smiled and pressed my lips back to him for more, my arms tightening around his neck.

"Don't stop." I murmured.

My words ignited something in him. His kiss went from slow and saccharine to fast and thrilling and he literally swept my feet off the floor and sat me down on the couch, taking great care to never break our embrace. We fell softly down on the cushions together, his lips only living mine to sweep over my chin and down to my neck and back again. Our senses surged with excitement and as the moment heightened and intensified, a nagging voice inside of me suddenly screamed "Stop." I ignored it at first, cupping his face in my hands and letting his run up and down the sensitive skin of my arm, but the voice persisted and badgered until I finally couldn't take it anymore and gently pushed him away.

"No."

He was practically panting and to my embarrassment, I was too, but it had to stop. After a moment he nodded and sat back. I moved up to a sitting position and tried to collect myself. My heart was pounding and my skin was hot to the touch and to my shock, my hands were shaking. Danny must have saw, and quickly took one of my hands into his.

"I'm sorry."

He smiled. "No, its fine." He pulled me close and laid my head against his shoulder. I noticed his pulse was racing too.

"We can't keep this up." I said after a moment and looked up at him.

The same look that I imaged was on my face was on his. One of someone who had just been so happy and then suddenly realized how seldom that happiness would come around in the future because it needed to be kept hidden. Then he nodded.

"I'll tell him."

"I can't let you do that by yourself."

"It was my idea. I'll take care of it." He paused and turned to me a half smile on his lips. "Besides, it might be nice to beat the hell out of John Grant and tell him it's because I don't want him talking to my girlfriend."

I smiled back. "I like that idea."

He pulled me close and gave me a squeeze of encouragement. "Don't worry, it will all be fine."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

There was no question that I was nervous. My palms were damp with perspiration, my heart was beating a mile a minute in my chest, and I felt as if my whole head was trapped inside one of those seashells my Aunt Edith always sent us from her visits to beach. I couldn't even hear the tune I was playing, though I could see the music in front of me and I knew and felt my fingers touch each ivory key. If I dared look away from the sheet music in front of me I might have been able to gage at least some idea of how I was doing by the look on Mrs. Russell's face, but I lacked that type of bravery. Why oh why had I agreed to do this? When Ma had suggested that I start taking piano lessons from our Pastors wife I hadn't thought twice about it. In fact I was somewhat excited to do so. Finally that old piano in our living room would get some use, but when I walked into the Russell's house and Mrs. Russell, a kind women in her early forties, had sat me down at her shiny new piano and asked me to play what I knew so she could get some idea of my musical ability, I had suddenly become a knot of nerves. I should have pleaded dumb so she wouldn't have asked, but that wasn't how my mother had raised me. I sighed and kept going.

As I finished, I felt her shift on the bench next to me and then to my surprise, she gave a slight clap of her hands in my direction.

"Wonderful, Emily, I had no idea you knew so much. How long have you been reading music?"

"I don't know much about it." I admitted, "I really just guessed."

"Well I think you've done a fine job." She smiled and patted my hand. "You're a smart young lady, and this skill seems to come easily to you. Not many people can say that, I know I myself took years to even come close to mastering it, and even now I still have my troubles." She stood, smoothed her skirt and then went to the bookcase next to the piano. She pulled out a book and handed it to me. "This is the sheet music I use for my intermediate students. The ones who have been playing for a few years or so. Go home and practice it and come back and see me next Sunday afternoon after church."

"Thank you." I replied. I slipped the book into my satchel and stood up, draping it over my shoulder.

"Tell your Mama I said Hello and that you did a fine job. Though I'm sure I'll be telling her that myself as well." She said, walking me to the door. "Oh and do give the lovely beaux of yours a kiss on the cheek from me. He's been illusive lately, that one. I hardly ever see him in church anymore."

I stopped. My heart fell into my stomach. "Excuse me?"

She smiled. "Why Danny, dear girl. You two are going together aren't you? Adeline mentioned something about it over dinner a few days ago." She said, speaking of her daughter who was a year younger than I. "She said she had seen the two of you holding hands as she was walking back from Mrs. Pritchard's on Wednesday afternoon."

Adeline wasn't a gossip, I knew. She was a very sweet, quiet girl, so I wholly believed that she hadn't said anything to her mother and father to be nasty to me or to Danny, but that didn't change the fact that I was seriously shocked and upset.

"I think he's a fine young man, dear. He's not the troublesome type. I told your Mama as much after church this afternoon."

Oh Lord!

"Um…yes, thank you, Mrs. Russell." I had forced a smile and then quickly made my escape out the front door into the brisk November afternoon. I walked and ran as fast as my feet could carry me home. I was so jumbled with nerves and confusion that I didn't even think about what to say when I got there. I hadn't seen Ma since this morning. I had gone to Charlotte's after church and then Mrs. Russell's from there. If she knew, had she told Rafe? Or Dad? Or anyone at all for that matter? I could only imagine the lecture she was going to unleash on me as soon as I made my entrance into the house. However when I walked through the front door I was surprised to find that she wasn't waiting there for me, hands crossed and ready to pounce. God, help me, I loved my mother, but there was underlining fear in that love. She had raised two boys before me and did not put up with insolence. I learned early on from Brett and Rafe's antics not to make her mad.

I cautiously took of my coat and hung it on the hook and hearing her in the kitchen I moved on slow tip toes through the hall and dining room to the kitchen doorway. Her back was to me as she peeled potatoes on the butcher block table in the middle of the room. I gulped, took a breath and then stepped softly into the room. She heard me, because of course she had been waiting for me after all, and turned around calmly.

"How was your first lesson." She asked.

I paused, not expecting that to be the first question out of her mouth. "It went well. Mrs. Russell gave me some sheet music to practice."

"That was very nice of her. Perhaps you can play some for Danny?"

I gulped. There it was.

"Ma—"

"No. I will do the talking and you will do the listening." She moved towards me and I sunk back against the wall suddenly feeling very nauseous. "Emily Anne, I know I am nowhere near a perfect mother. There is no such thing really, but I have taught you right from wrong and the difference between the truth and a lie. Tell me why I did not know about this? Tell me why I heard it from our pastor's wife that you and the boy I consider to be another son to me and the boy who also happens to be your older brother's best friend is also your boyfriend?" She sighed. "Never, in all of my life have ever been so embarrassed and disappointed. I was forced to sit there and act as I knew exactly what Marion Russell was talking about!"

She took a breath, bringing her hand to temples. I felt the hard knot in my stomach grow and the need to vomit increase. She then told me to sit down at the table.

"Emily…I don't even know how to react to this? You are not the type to sneak around and lie."

"I know."

"Then why? Can you tell me why you did? You know it would have taken getting used to, but if you and Danny had wanted to date I would have allowed it and daresay your father would have too."

"I know." I numbly mumbled again.

"I have a thousand thoughts running through my head right now. Why's and How's…" she trailed off and looked me square in the eye. "I don't even know if this is the extent of your lies. What else have you been doing that I don't know about?"

Her tone was unmistakable and I immediately shook my head. "No, no Ma, we haven't done anything like that." I told her firmly. And though she appeared hesitant at first to believe me, I could tell after a second or so that she did. It didn't stop me from feeling even more horrible than I already did though. Now the fact that we had even kissed seemed sinful to me. I sunk deep into the chair and closed my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she then whispered.

"I wanted to. I really did…and I was going to…"

"How long has this been going on?"

I shrugged my shoulders, suddenly losing all concepts of time and memory on how long this had exactly been going on? Longer than a few weeks, a month? Two…I couldn't remember.

She sighed again, clearly irritated and at a loss on what to do with me, while me on the other side of the table began to feel my guilt bubble up inside of me. I felt the tears hot and stingy brim and fall over my eyes before I could even think of biting my tongue to make them stop. I began to sob right there in front of her, vulnerable and regretful and being my mother, the woman that gave me life and had always loved me no matter what, she got up and came next to me, putting an arm around me and pulling me into her embrace.

"Emily."

"I'm so sorry." I cried into her. "I wanted to tell you. I hated that I couldn't. Danny…"I trailed off, a cry choking in my throat.

"Danny what, Darling"

"He…didn't want to lose Rafe. Or you or Dad, or even me I guess…if we did and it didn't end well."

Looking back on it now, what I said didn't make much sense at all, but for whatever reason, my mother understood exactly what I meant. She smoothed my hair and let me cry which I might have done all night if it were for my brother coming into the room and giving us both a look that plainly asked what the hell was going on?

"Did somebody die?" he joked.

"No, Rafe" Ma scolded, "We're just doing what women do best, expressing our emotions. Now get out of here before you get pulled in too."

Rafe bolted and I look up at Ma, full of questions. "You didn't tell him?"

"No." she handed me a hankie from her apron pocket. "That's not my story to tell. It's yours and Danny's." I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath, noting to myself that though Danny had promised not long ago that he would tell Rafe the truth about us, he still hadn't. For whatever he hadn't deemed any time in the past week as "the right time", but I couldn't deny that if I were him I wouldn't have acted in the same way.

"And you will tell him, Emily. I won't have any more secrets in this house."

"Yes ma'am." I then paused. "May I go see him?"

She looked at me for a moment before nodding. It must have been odd for her to hear that, Lord it was hard for me to say it, but I was thankful none the less. I hugged her before I left to put my coat back on, apologizing again for lying. I didn't feel better as I began the walk to Danny's house, but I didn't feel as bad as I had.

The late autumn sky was already dimming as I began my walk, thankfully I knew the way by heart, but there was at least the warm orange and pink sunset to lead me in the right direction. As I approached Danny's house though, something suddenly didn't feel right. I had that hard knot in my stomach again and as I got closer I began to break into a run. Sherriff Mallory's car was parked outside and so was another that I didn't recognize. Leaning against the patrol car was one of Rafe's friends, Kit Jackson; he was a deputy and dressed accordingly as he was clearly on duty. He straightened up as he saw me approach.

"Kit—"

"Em, you don't want to go in there."

"Why?" I was suddenly panicked now. Something was wrong, VERY wrong. "Kit, what happened?"

"It clearly happened sometime early this afternoon." A strange man in black interrupted, coming down the porch steps, he carried a doctor's bag. "I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did with his liver being so bad though. You did you duty taking care of him, son."

"Above and beyond I'd say." Sheriff Mallory then appeared, clapping a hand on Danny's shoulder who stepped up beside him.

"I'll send some of my boys over within the hour to pick him up and take him to the mortuary." The strange man spoke again to Danny.

Danny nodded.

Sheriff Mallory walked the strange man to his car and saw him in and shut the door before he noticed that I was standing there. Danny seemed to have noticed the same time at the porch.

"Jackson?"

"I'm sorry, Sir. She just showed up." Kit quickly apologized, but I ignored him and ran up the porch to Danny.

"Danny?"

His eyes were dark, and lines and circles of pain and worry were all over his face. I watched as he swallowed hard and then stuffed his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders unable to focus his attention on me. Sheriff Mallory's footsteps came up behind me.

"His dad." He told me and at his words Danny seemed to break, tears came, sobs pushed through him and he began to shake. He would have fallen if I hadn't of been there, I know, but I had my arms around him fast. Giving him all the strength I could; hoping and praying that I could help with this grief that I didn't understand.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

In whispered voices it was said to have been cancer of liver that had taken Cole Walker. The years of alcohol abuse had taken their toll not only on his emotions, but his body as well. He, of course, had known. A doctor in Nashville had told him all about it and even offered treatment, but he had refused and came back home, telling only Danny the truth. And so it had been Danny and Danny alone who had taken care of him, nursed him and helped him along the road to his imminent demise. Even now, all these years later I can't understand what would poccess a father to ask that of his son. To carry that type of burden around, presumably for the rest of his life? It didn't make sense to me then and it still doesn't now.

Ma promptly forgot all that had happened earlier in the evening as soon as she saw Danny and I come up on the front porch with the sheriff on one side of us and his deputy on the other. Though it filled me with guilt to do so, I managed to move aside from the tears and solemnity and into the living room before my father or brother could even think that I had ever left. Ma's arms were around Danny, pulling him close and stroking his hair as if he were a 4 year old boy who had coming crying to her with a scraped knee. Dad listened in silence as Sheriff _ explained. _ had taken Rafe aside, for a moment I felt their eyes on me, but my gaze was firmly planted on the floor, feeling that if I moved it even an inch I would lose all the contents of my stomach, so I didn't care to wonder why.

The bed was made up for Danny in Brett's old room downstairs. It had once been a pantry, but after about a thousand scuffles between my brothers in their shared room upstairs, my father had decided a conversion of the room was in order to bring any peace into his house. It was a nice room. Cozy, with a bed, desk and a worn upholstered chair that used to sit in the living room. Ma had me bring in an extra pillow and blanket and Rafe gave up some pajamas and a change of clothes for the next day. Dad was a bit more subtle in his effort to make Danny comfortable, handing him a bottle of whiskey when Ma wasn't looking.

I didn't sleep that night and by the show of faces the next morning, I don't think anyone else in the house had either. The coroner came and talked to Dad and Ma who seemed to take over all aspects of the funeral without a word of contest from Danny. Rafe saw to it that Danny got two weeks of paid leave from the scrap yard, but kept to himself how he managed to get it. In the back of my mind, I knew he had promised to take up Danny's share of the work on top of his own. For me, Ma decided I needed to be kept home from school. There was food to be made, letters to be written and family to make room for. Upon hearing about Danny's "misfortune" as they called it, my father's parents made immediate arrangements to come to the funeral and give their support. Not to be outdone, my mother's parents also decided to come. None of Danny's family seemed to be reachable, which frustrated my mother but seemed to have no affect on Danny himself. It was almost as if he expected it.

Grandma and Grandpa McCawley arrived the morning before the funeral and Grams and Pap, my mother's parents were there later that afternoon. Between my mother, my grandmothers, my father, my brothers and everyone that they knew, the whole town seemed to show up for Cole Walkers funeral and though it didn't take me long of sitting in the church to realize it was because of Danny that they had come, their good gesture still brought tears to my eyes.

Afterwards, the mourners were invited back to our house for a late lunch/early dinner and to give their respects to Danny.

"We will be needin' another batch of rolls, Eleanor." Grandma McCawley said to Grams, coming into the kitchen with an empty platter. "Mourning creates a great hunger."

"Oh Sally." Grams tisked, but her hands were already covered in flour, rolling out more dough. Ma was beside her, preparing a chicken to go into the oven and I was at the table, carefully and slowly shelling peas.

"It warms my heart to see all that support out there for Daniel. Always a precious one, he was. Always so bright, but respectful and loving." Grandma said, sitting down next to me. "From the first day I met him I knew he was that way. Oh Patty, do you remember that day we first met them? They couldn't have been living here long, maybe a week or so? All of us frantically looking for Rafe…" she trailed off, noticing my perked ears and smiled. "Oh that brother of yours, Emily has always been a handful. There he was at 2 years old, barely out of nappies, and he goes and runs away. You were nothing more than a bump under your Ma's apron and she was beside herself with worry. Everyone was looking for him, then Brett calls out 'Here he comes' and low and behold, there he was, hand-in-hand with little Danny, walking towards us with Danny's mama with a huge Cheshire cat smile on his face. I would have popped him myself if it weren't for that smile. But I digress, there he comes with Danny and Danny's mama, she herself in a delicate condition—"

"Danny's mother?" I asked, completely unaware that I had just interrupted my Grandmother in mid story.

However, she brushed away the offense and patted my hand. "Why yes, Belle Walker. Dearest lady. Danny got all of his love and charm from her, it should be noted. Terrible the way she passed. Giving birth to that little girl already gone to heaven and then going herself not even an hour later."

I looked over at my mother, who was already looking at me, a memory of pain in her eyes.

"You followed not even a month later, Emily." Grams then said, putting a hand on my mothers and giving a comforting squeeze.

"It was such a shame." Grandma continued after a moment. "Belle was the glue that held that family together. Cole always had his demons. They followed him home from the Great War and never left, but she was able to see past all of that and bring out a side of him that no one else could. When she died, that part of him died with her."

"I had no idea...that's terrible."

"There are a lot of things in life that are. We must always trust in God though. He has a plan for us all. Even a time like now, "she gestured with her hand, "All of this has happened for a reason. None of us know what it is now, least of all Danny, but someday, He will show us." Her eyes shone with tears as she leaned over the table and patted my outstretched hand.

The sound of clanking dishes and voices from the dining room brought us all out of the silence we had fallen into after that. Grams and Ma went back to cooking and Grandma busied herself with taking a damp rag and wiping down the tables and counters. I finished shelling the peas and put the water for them to boil on the stove.

Later on, after the guests began to take their leave and the kitchen was clean Grams and Grandma shooed me outside telling me I needed some color in my cheeks and to go play. Being that I was seventeen and not seven, I took myself on a walk instead. The day had been cool, but not overly so, but I rubbed my arms through my cream colored sweater anyway as I began walking. I couldn't stop thinking about Danny, his father, his mother…and his sister. Strange as it might seem, I had really never given the later two much thought at all. As I had been told earlier, Belle Walker had died before I had even been born and I never even known there had been a baby. Danny had never mentioned it, neither had my parents. How awful that must have been for Danny's father; losing his daughter and his wife so closely together and left alone with Danny who couldn't have been much over one year old at the time. Life had certainly dealt him more than his fair share of pain. I knew he had fought in the Great War, so had my father, but he hadn't been in the army like Mr. Walker, living and fighting in filthy trenches watching his friends suffer and die as they fought the Germans. Then when it was over, being a survivor he had brought those cold memories home with him. Maybe when he had married he had expected a new chapter of his life to start and imagined a bright future with happiness and babies and love…that surely wasn't all that he got.

I suddenly felt pain for Danny's father. And for Danny.

I was far from my farm now, almost to the river, but I turned and began walking in the direction of Danny's house. Something was steering me towards it and I felt that going by and saying a prayer couldn't hurt either. As I approached the front steps I spied smoke coming from the chimney. Obvious as the sign was, I came up onto the porch with curiosity and opened the door without knocking. Danny was sitting on the floor in the living room, the fire crackling in front of him as he stared into it. I knew he had heard me come in, though he hadn't let on that he had, but I shut the door quietly anyway, and moved slowly on soft feet towards him. There was a half empty bottle of whiskey next to him on the floor opened and ready to be drunk. The scent of emptiness was in the air and though the fire raged, I felt a definite chill through my sweater. I sat down on the floor next to him and crossed my legs Indian style.

I didn't say anything. At first it was because I didn't know what to say, but after the silence began to coast over into one minute and then another, I felt that silence was probably the best thing for the moment. He knew I was there, knew he wasn't alone, but he wasn't expected to carry on a conversation with me, to be questioned about how long he had been here and what he was thinking about. I just sat there next to him, watching the fire, watching him, listening to the old clock tick tock on the mantle above us. After many minutes had passed, he moved his hand to pick up the whiskey bottle and took a long swig. He gulped down the burn and cradled the bottle in his hands, studying it, turning it within his palms.

"You're wondering why I didn't say anything, aren't you?" he then asked, his voice hoarse from the alcohol and tears.

I shook my head and half whispered my denial.

He scoffed. " I would be…I am…"

"He asked you not to?"

He nodded. "Begged me in fact, told me he didn't want or deserve anyone's help or sympathy. Said he wanted to just go the way God intended for him to. I guess he didn't figure in the pain, the nausea, the fevers, the yellowing of his skin. He thought he'd just lie in bed and it would happen without incident, but it didn't. I had to take care of him. Keep him comfortable. It was all me."

"He was very lucky to have you." I told him, weakly.

He shook his head. "And I was unlucky to have him." He took another drink from the bottle. "It pisses me off, all those people over there at your house…they weren't his friends. He didn't have any! None of them are our family, I don't even know if we have a damn family. They're putting on this show for me and I want t tell them to shove it up their asses. They see me crying because I'm relieved! It's over, Em, I finally have my life back."

"Oh Danny—"

"I sound heartless, but it's the truth I swear it. I have a future to look forward to now. I don't have to worry about getting home in time to give him something for the pain or sit here with him wondering when I'll get to see you again. It's gone it's over, and I'll never have to deal with it again."

To say that the silence that followed Danny's words was uncomfortable would have been an understatement. I could feel the air around us crack much like the fire in the hearth. My gaze fell to my lap and clasped my hands tightly together and squeezed as I released a breath. I felt him shift next to me though I didn't look up. My voice seemed to be a hostage to the shock. I sunk back and conceded to the silence.

Next to me I felt Danny move and then take another drink from the bottle. He swallowed and was silent again, and then his head fell. I looked up at the sudden movement just in time to hear and see his tears begin to fall. My heart broke for him, obviously so confused and conflicted by his feelings. He seemed to be all over the gamut with his emotions and could I blame him? Wouldn't anyone be so torn after going through what he had? It seemed like he had never had any sort of emotional bond with his father, yet there was obviously some care in his heart for him if he had taken care of him all this time. I didn't understand then, and even now I don't, how love wasn't black and white and how very complicated the gray areas in between were.

I slipped an arm over his shoulders and moved closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder. I didn't say anything, mostly because I couldn't think of anything to say, but I wanted him to know I was there. He wasn't sobbing hard, but the tears were flowing. He brought the bottle to his lips once more and took a long swig. I watched, seeing how whiskey was taking over him and then took the bottle from his hands and set it on the floor beside me.

"You're not going to find your peace in an empty bottle." I told him.

He nearly smiled and agreed, "No, I won't. You're definitely helping though."

"By bossing you around?" I smiled

"No, for caring."

"A lot of people care." I told him, standing up to be more assertive. "And you need to let them. The whole town came today to support you because they care. You don't have to put on a show for them or for anyone else. They understand more than you think. My grandmothers had nothing but good things to say about your father today. He wasn't always so cold and you know that. Even if you can't remember it, you know in your heart that he was."

He nodded.

"He loved you, even if he couldn't show it. And he loved your mother…and your sister too."

He glanced up at me, a bit shocked I'm sure at the mention of his long dead mother and baby sister. "I didn't think you knew about that."

I sighed. Not liking the sad turn our conversation had taken back to death and fell into a seat on the couch. "I didn't until today."

"I don't remember her at all… I'd give anything for just one memory."

"God didn't leave you without a mother completely though. You have mine…ours. She loves you so much, Danny. As far as anyone's concerned you are her fourth child and Dad's the same. To Brett and Rafe, you're a brother…"

"And to you?" he asked lightly, already healing at my words.

I smiled and flushed. "I'm still deciding."

He stood from the floor and came over to sit next to me. "If you love me like a brother or if you just love me?"

"I obviously think of you as more than a brother." I joked.

He smiled and released a chuckle. "I was hopin' so."

I laughed too.

And then he kissed me. It was a deep kiss, one that sent sparks shooting to every corner of my soul and body. However many times our lips had touched over the last few months, the man still knew how to surprise me. I sighed into him, enjoying the small passionate moment and letting my hands find their way to his shoulders. He murmured his love for me as he broke the lock of our lips to trail a line of kisses down to my neck and I remembering shivering, though the fire was still going strong not even five feet away.

His hands began to move and explore my body. I could feel their soft touch moving up and down my sides and back over my arms and then down again over my breasts. The cream colored wool sweater I wore suddenly seemed as thin as tissue paper and just as that thought left my mind; Danny began to peel the sweater away, carefully and mindfully as if he were opening a much anticipated gift. As my sweater fell to the floor beside us the realization of what was happening hit me. My arms were bare, save for the short cuffed sleeves of my black dress, and the slight touch of Danny's finger tips made them shiver even more. I knew, logically, that I should put an end to this like I had on the other occasions, but his tears, his pain and his need for comfort silenced that thought quickly. I didn't want to stop, I had no desire to push him away and tell him this was wrong. It didn't feel wrong, it felt so terribly right.

I was falling back on the couch then, slowly and carefully with his hands still on me. He shed his own jacket and then began to undo the buttons on my dress. My breathing was heavy now. So was his. The anticipation had my pulse racing and soft moans flying from my lips and I felt strangely dizzy, especially after his hands moved over me with more intensity and urgency.

"I need you." He breathed.

I said nothing, but answered with my own deep kiss.

I hadn't even noticed that his pants had come undone, that my skirt had been pushed up, but they had and without preamble, without warning, without a thought, it started to happen. My nails dug into his arms and my breath became rapid and strangled. He stopped, sensing my discomfort and kissed me sweetly telling me again that he loved me. It didn't cross my mind then that we had never uttered those words to one another before this night. All I could do was repeat after him, telling him with tears in my eyes that I loved him too and then it continued. We kept going until the pain was completely gone and a sense of pleasure and fullness came to replace it.

When it was over, still laying over me, he kissed me again and again while my arms were wrapped snugly around him.

"I love you." He told me again.

"I love you too."

We laid there together for over a half hour, kissing and holding one another, whispering our love for each other back and forth. It wasn't until we had dressed, walked back to my house and rejoined the guests without a hint of suspicion did I realize the severity of what had just happened. I had promised my mother that nothing like that had happened or would happen. I had lied and could never go back in time and change it. Everyone noticed that Danny was in better spirits. Rafe clapped a hand on his shoulder and exclaimed his pride over Danny's strength.

No one noticed the loss of innocence in my eyes or that I had escaped upstairs to my room at the earliest possible moment after the last mourner had left to lock myself up and let own tears flow and chastise myself for my actions.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning : This is very poorly proofed lol. I just wasn't feeling it tonight, but was so anxious to post! Hope it doesn't bother anyone too much :) Enjoy and as always R&R so you can feed my addiction! **

Chapter Nine

I was up even before the before the sun. Of course, with my mind running a mile a minute with so many thoughts all night long, it would be more fair to say that I wasn't up early, because I had never really gone to sleep. However you saw it, the house was still quiet when I walked downstairs and into the kitchen to put on the water for tea. I lit a kerosene lamp to push out some of the lingering autumn morning darkness and rubbed my arms for warmth through my thick sweater. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I moved around the kitchen, making myself that much needed cup of earl gray and then left as soon as I was done, going into the living room and pulling a large afghan over my legs as I sat down on the sofa.

I sipped the tea, letting the hot liquid rush down my throat and warm me from the inside out, and then closed my eyes, enjoying the peace and the break from my own inner thoughts, the ones that literally had kept me awake all night. I'd never in a million years deny that I was in love with Danny. I may have only realized it and spoken it for the first time the night before, but I did, I truly did. But whatever my feelings for him, it still ate at me knowing that I had so prematurely and so easily allowed my virginity to disappear. I knew my mother had raised me better than that. Her expectations of me, though unspoken, were clear and unmistakable. I had seen how the wrong decision could so easily change a girls life. In such a small town it was hard not to hear the stories of those girls and their tarnished reputations, the loss of their waistlines as their middles grew round to accommodate the life they had unwittling created during that "sinful" act. I had repeated that word, sinful to myself so many times the night before, but the longer I spent thinking, the less I began to believe that it had been a sin. I had felt nothing evil or wrong about the way Danny had loved me, nor in the way he had held me or kissed me. What he and I felt for one another was more than just a simple case of puppy love, it was real. I was so confident of that fact. A tiny part of me feared the possible result, but my intuition really felt no threat by it.

I refused then and there to allow myself to feel anymore guilt or remorse over it anymore. Today was a new day. Pain and death were all part of yesterday and today was the day to look forward. I was going to talk to my brother, I was going to tell him how much Danny meant to me. There would be no more secrets (well perhaps just a few) and life would be easy once more. I took another sip of my tea to seal the promise I had just made to myself and then settled back into the couch and reached for the Nancy Drew mystery I had left dog eared on the end table.

I moved through the rest of the day on a cloud of happiness. I felt like I had been reborn and though the somber fog still lingered from the death of Danny's father, I couldn't help but let my sunny attitude shine. Mrs. Russell commented on my happy mood when I showed up for my piano lesson later on that afternoon. Of course I had seen her at the funeral, after all Reverend Russell was the one who gave the sermon, but I welcomed the sight of her kind face as it seemed to bring me back to normality.

"Have you had a chance to practice?" she asked.

I hesitated, but she shushed me before I could answer.

"Silly of me to ask. I imagine things have been quite hectic lately." she said then, guiding me towards the piano bench. We sat down on it together and she opened the sheet music in front of us and instructed me to start Mozart's Sonata in C. I played and from the look on her face after I was finished, I must have played it well. She then gave me another piece to play and before long I realized that we had gone over the hour of allotted practice time. She sent me off with more sheets of music, telling me to play them at home and show off my newfound skills to my family. I smiled and thanked her as I pulled on my coat.

"Same time next week." She called as I walked out the front door.

"Okay. Good-bye."

I shut the door and descended the porch when I saw my brothers truck parked in the driveway. However it wasn't Rafe that was in the driver's seat. It was Danny. He stepped out of the truck when he saw me and waved. I felt my heart swell and my body tingle as I walked towards him.

"Hey." He was smiling too. Happiness, maybe even a touch of bashfulness was written all over his face. We embraced when we met and he held me close for a moment; a long enough moment that filled me with pleasure of knowing I was back in his arms. His body was so warm and his scent so lovely, my spirits sunk slightly when he pulled back. He didn't disconnect himself from me completely though. His hand stroked my cheek, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear and I smiled up at him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Your mom sent me. Said she didn't want you walking home in the cold."

"Oh." I smiled and began to walk around to the passenger side. He followed me and opened my door, helping me in. Once he was in his own seat and we had gotten on the road, he reached over and took my hand into his own for a brief moment and squeezed it. I felt so close to him then, all I wanted to do was slide across the seat and lean into him. What stopped me was him making a left hand turn when he should have made a right towards our house.

"Where are we going?"

"She asked me to pick up Rafe too. He got a ride in this morning."

I nodded, understanding now why Danny was driving my brother's truck. The idea that my mother had planned this didn't pop into my head until we had come to a stop in front of the scrap yard entrance. Asking Danny to pick me up from my music lesson and then ever so casually dropping the idea that Rafe would need a ride home as well. I had to give her credit. She wanted us to tell him.

I had made that promise to myself though, and I intended to keep it. I looked around, noticing that my brother and the other workers were still at work before I looked over at Danny and said, "She knows."

"Huh?"

"My mother, she knows about you and I."

He looked panicked for half a second before he gulped back his shock and nodded. "I guess I should have seen that."

"I promised I would tell Rafe, but with everything that had happened…"

"How did she find out?"

I pulled my coat tighter around my body. "Revered Russell's daughter. She saw us together and told her parents, then Mrs. Russell mentioned it to Ma and…"

"Ah." he stared ahead, "I guess that's one of the drawbacks to living in a small town. Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. I'll tell him."

"We'll tell him." I corrected. "I'm a part of this too. I won't let you take the brunt of…whatever his reaction might be."

He almost laughed. "Jesus Emily, I know exactly what his reaction will be! I dinged his baseball bat on a fence when were kids and he beat the living tar out of me. I can only imagine the kind of hell he'll unleash on me when he finds out what I've done to you!"

I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks when he said that. He reached over to me and draped his arm across my shoulders. "I didn't mean that to sound the way it did. It's all I've been thinking about all day. I've never felt this way about anyone or anything before. I meant it when I said I loved you. I do. I'm in love with you."

"I know." I smiled, "I meant it too."

"Do you regret it?" he then asked softly.

I shook my head, "Not at all."

He was so close, close enough for me to feel his warm breath against my cheek. "I was careful." He whispered, "If you're scared—"

"I'm not."

"I'll marry you." He finished.

I smiled, knowing how very much he meant that. The words comforted me and I turned and pressed my lips to his in gratitude. "I love you."

He smiled in return. "Either way I will. I can promise you that."

The whistle the scrap yard had to signal the end of the work day interrupted our moment then. Danny slide back across the seat to the driver's side, and I quickly pulled out the music Mrs. Russell has given me and pretended to study it with intensity. Rafe appeared only a minute later, opening my door and scooting me to the middle of the seat.

When we got home my brother helped me down the truck and I started to head for the front door.

"Rafe, can I talk to you for a second?" I then heard Danny ask.

I whirled around to see my brother nod and Danny give a quick look to me that clearly said "Stay Away."

"Danny—" I began, but he shook his head and began to lead Rafe towards the work shed. Rafe went along seemingly without suspicion and the two disappeared inside before I could think to stop them or say anything more. I gulped back, anticipation sending my heart racing. I climbed the steps of the porch on shaking knees and let myself inside. I then sat down at the bench of the piano, not bothering to take my coat off or hang my bag on the hook like I normally did. I could slap Danny for leaving me out of this, but at the same time I was somewhat thankful I didn't have to quickly come up with the right words to explain things to Rafe. I imagined how Danny might be explaining it, hoping that he knew Rafe well enough to choose his words carefully and make the announcement less of a blow to my poor brother. Rigidly I sat, waiting as my heart thumped loudly in my ears. If I had thought to unclasp my hands in my lap, I'm sure they would have been shaking. I didn't though, I was too scared to move. I could hear my mother moving around in the kitchen, knowing she was preparing dinner. Most likely my grandmothers were in there too. I had no idea where everyone else was.

After an agonizing 15 minutes had passed, I finally heard heavy footsteps coming up the porch. I braced myself, hearing voices, but not really able to make out what they were saying. Time seemed to crawl, but then the front door finally opened and my brothers boisterous laughing came in with the cold. Confused, I peered around the piano. He saw me and began to laugh even harder.

"Really," he laughed, "I can't believe this. You guys honestly thought I didn't know?"

Danny, who had walked in behind Rafe, had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket and looked slightly amused and confused. I myself was dumb struck. Laughter was definitely not the reaction I had expected.

"You knew?" I stammered, not know what else to say.

"Of course I did! I may be a block head about some things, but I'm smart enough to put two and two together. He's been walking around with his head in the clouds for the past few months and you've been as giddy as that bubble headed friend of yours, Charlotte. Neither one of you brought anyone around either. I figured you had a good reason to keep it secret so I didn't say anything."

"You didn't…"

"No, I didn't. You're my sister, he's my best friend, I trust you both with my life. He already knows what I'd do to him if he hurt you too. Saves me that exhausting business of threatening him." He said then with his cocky grin.

Both Danny and I managed a smile at that.

Then Unexpectantly , my oldest brother walked into the living room from the kitchen, scarfing down a fresh piece of bread with another waiting to be eaten in his hand.

"What's going on?" he asked, obviously noting the odd way the three of us were just standing there looking at one another

"Danny and Emily are going together." Rafe told him.

"Oh." Brett swallowed, "About damn time."

"Now wait a second here!" I stood up fast. "What is that supposed to mean? I can understand that apprehension might have clouded my brain on how people would react to this news, but "about damn time"? What did you have some sort of betting pool going on?"

Brett shrugged his shoulders. "No, not really."

"Ma made it seem like I committed a felony!"

I could see the amusement in both brother's eyes as I said that.

"Well, of course she did. You're the baby." Brett explained. "She did the same thing with me when I started dating. Not so much with Rafe here, I guess being the middle child and all probably worked to his advantage there, but since you're the only girl and the baby on top of that, she's going to be a bit weepy. And well, you know how she is about lies and secrets, if this has been going on for awhile and you're just now saying something that would get under her skin for sure."

I nodded, understanding that.

"Sorry guys, if you're looking for an upset, you're not going to find it here." Rafe spoke up.

"Yeah," Brett agreed, "Now how about we eat dinner?" he started for the kitchen and then suddenly stopped and turned around, "Oh yeah, Emily, you hurt him, I kill you."

Rafe snickered and followed Brett back into the kitchen. When they were out of sight I turned to Danny in disbelief.

"Yeah, I know." He answered.

"I…I'm relieved, but…"

"Same here. I expected a swift punch to the face as soon as I told him, but getting a bark of laughter instead, well it was a shock to say the least."

I sat back down on the bench and not even a second later he slid in next to me, a now fearless arm going around my shoulders. I shook my head and took a breath.

"What did you say to him?" I asked after a moment, my tone unmistakeable.

I could tell he almost let out a bark of laughter himself at my question. "Oh, no, not that. That will stay between us where it belongs."

"You're his best friend so-"

"I might usually tell him something like that, yeah." He finished. "But not this time, this time is different."

I smiled in response, feeling his lips brush across my cheek as he sealed his promise.

"You're my girl now and I promise to be every bit the gentleman, Em. You and your feelings will always come first."

"So you won't be shoving me into any ponds or mud puddles anymore?" I asked, recalling a memory from childhood.

"That's not gentlemanly?" he laughed, without missing a beat, "I guess I'll have to plan harder for our first official date then."

"Yep."

"Yep." He repeated and then pressed his smiling lips to mine.

I had woken up that morning vowing to make this day a wonderful one, and I had. The truth was out and those who hadn't been told exclusively would find out soon, but I had every hope they would accept it as Rafe, Brett and even my mother had. Everything was perfect and the future looked bright and promising.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Its okay to hate me for not updating this poor story in FOREVER. I hate myself. I really do. We can blame life, school, and the evil writer's block that I finally defeated a few days ago. Let's hope it never ever comes back! Enjoy, Readers…if you're still out there! : )**

Chapter Ten

Life is so much easier to move through when there aren't any secrets to carry.

After that day, the knowledge that Danny and I were dating was as common to everyone as the squeaky step that Reverend Arnold stepped on every Sunday to get to the pulpit to read sermons. We were discreet over course, but that didn't stop the knowing smiles or the quick winks whenever we were seen together. He completely he shifted his work schedule around right after the New Year, allowing himself to be free to bring me home from school every day. Charlotte thought it was incredibly romantic and never could contain herself when he would take my books and open the truck door for me. He always offered her rides and she always refused, smiling at me brightly. One particular morning, in early January after he had picked me up, he made what he promised to be a quick detour to his house to pick up things and get the mail. He had been staying at our house, in Brett's old room, for the past several weeks. I left the college handbook I had been leafing through on the drive and followed him inside the cold house. He had grabbed the mail from the box by the door and was starting to go through it while my eyes scanned over the neglect of the home.

"Maybe we should tidy up in here." I suggested, noting the thin layer of dust on the mantle. Dust was forbidden in my mother's house.

He opened another letter, looking up to where I was. "No, its fine. We won't be here long."

I shrugged my shoulders and thankful for my coat keeping me warm, sat down in the rocking chair near the hearth and crossed my arms and legs. He stood up from his place at the desk only a moment later, the mail all opened and cluttered over its surface.

"Anything interesting?" I asked.

He shook his head, coming near me. "I think I'm going to rent this place out."

"What?"

"Well it makes sense, I'm never here. I have no desire to really be here. The place is paid off, just have to worry about the land and the taxes, a lease should cover both of those things." He shrugged his shoulders. "Its something I've been given quite a bit of thought too. I can always go get a room in town if I need to."

"You have one at my house."

He smiled, "Yeah, but how proper is that?"

"I don't give a fig about that."

"Really? What about your parents, or even Rafe? Don't you think it bothers them a little that I'm only feet from your room." He moved closer to me then, practically crawling on the floor with a mischievous smile on his face. "I could come in there at any time of the night, crawl into bed with you…" he was close to my face then, he warm sweet breath covering my cheeks, but I playfully pushed him back.

"You haven't done anything like that. We haven't…at all since that one time."

He kissed me. "Which they don't even know about."

"No, no one does."

He kissed me again, letting his body weight press softly on to me and heating up the air around us. "I do." He whispered. He pulled me up from the chair, his arms coming around me, pulling me in for more kisses. "And you do."

"Yes…"

His hands combed through my hair as his kiss deepened and I felt the effects shoot throughout my body. We hadn't let ourselves get even close to this point since that first time all those months ago, but now that we were here again and I remembered how nice it felt, I wondered why. The couch was only a few feet away, but he made no attempt to move me to it. Instead he let his lips move to my neck, my collar bone and I shivered as his hands began to follow their own path.

He removed my coat and then my sweater, throwing them in the chair I had just been sitting in and then, just like a husband carrying his new wife over the threshold he scooped me up in his arms and carried me into his old bedroom and laid me down on the bed. My heart was pounding in my chest as he came down on top of me, his lips and hands picking up where they had left off. His fingers were just coming to the buttons on my blouse when the sound of a car in the driveway pulled both of our attentions away.

Danny got off of the bed and went to the window.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know." He answered and leaned over to kiss me before he left the room. I wasn't sure if he had intended for me to stay or not, but I adjusted my clothes anyway and went back into the living room. The front door was open and I could hear Danny talking to whoever was on the other side of it. I stayed hidden behind the door until he came back in and shut it, a yellow envelope in his hand.

"Special delivery?"I asked.

He nodded as he began to open it. A few minutes passed before he looked up at me, a mixture of confusion and shock on his face.

"It's from my uncle."

I wasn't aware of Danny having any family. No one besides our family and friends from town had come to his father's funeral and no mention had been made of any of them sending condolences or wondering how Danny himself was doing after the tragedy.

"Your uncle?"

"Yeah." He sat down on the couch and scanned the telegram. "He lives in Atlanta, my mom's younger brother, I guess. He just heard about what happened." He shook his head, obviously in as much disbelief, if not more, than I was. "I've never even heard of him before."

I came over and sat next to him looking at the telegram, "May I?" I asked.

He nodded and blindly handed the paper over to me. I read it carefully. Mr. George Franklin it seemed was Isabel Franklin Walker's younger brother. He lived in Atlanta with his wife and two children and had only heard of the death of Cole Walker a few days before. He explained a falling out between Danny's mother and her family because of their disapproval in her choice of husband. He hadn't known he had a nephew until he had read Danny's father obituary. He wanted to meet Danny, to get to know him and make up for all of the lost years and bad blood in their family.

I was touched by the letter and its sincerity. I placed a hand on top of Danny's handing the letter back to him. "He sounds like he really wants to know you."

"Yeah." He said absently and held up something else from the envelope. "He sent me a ticket to Atlanta."

I won't deny that my heart selfishly sank at that moment. The thought of him leaving me, even if it was in the sake of the family he deserved to know, hurt unbearably. I waited a moment to respond; too afraid I would say the wrong thing and give away my true feelings if I spoke to soon. In the end all I could say was, "Oh."

We left soon after that, going back to my house. After he had helped me down from the truck, he voiced his plan to go find Rafe, kissing me on the cheek before he walked off. I clutched my books and went into the house, shutting the door behind me. My mother heard and called for me from the kitchen. I hung my bag and coat up and went to her, trying to push away the ill thoughts from my head.

* * *

My mother had put me to work rolling out dough for dinner rolls and so I was covered in flour and sticky dough up to my elbows when Danny finally came into the house 45 minutes later, Rafe on his heels. Rafe settled himself at the table, propping a leg up.  
"You believe this crap?" he asked me.

"Rafe—"  
"No, Danny, I'm sorry but some guy you don't even know claiming to be your _uncle_ wants you to travel a hundred or so odd miles from home to meet him…seems all wet to me. I don't like it."

Danny came to stand next to me, releasing an exasperated. I began to knead the dough with more force than I normally would have, unsure if I should say anything.

"What if he's some loon wanting money or to gut you in a dark forest? You don't know anything about him or anyone in that family for that matter. It doesn't take a Hardy Boy to see the potential bad situation here. You're nuts if you go and that's the truth of it."

"Okay, that's enough Rafe." I finally put down the dough and dusted my hands off on my apron. "The chances of any of that are slim to none and you know it. Did Danny even ask for your opinion on going or not? Yeah, I didn't think so. He's an adult, capable of making adult decisions on his own without the interference of a pig headed best friend like you!"

"Jesus Christ, Em, I was just trying to warn him."

"Well don't!" I fired back. Beside me, Danny's arm came around my waist in gratitude. I gave him a small smile.  
"Fine, go then! What the hell do I care?" my brother steamed and stomped out of the room. Frustrated myself, I grabbed at the dough, pulling off chunks and rolling them in my hands before setting them on the pan. Danny watched me silently. I finished quickly and with sloppy results, but I didn't care and practically threw the pan into the oven before going to the sink and pumping water to wash my hands off.  
"You don't want me to go either." He observed behind me.  
I reached for a towel, drying my hands and silently shook my head.  
"Not for the reasons Rafe said. I'm sure your uncle and the rest of your family are nice people, devoid of any mental illness or murderous thoughts, it's just…" I paused, turning around to face him, "I don't like the thought of you being so far away. My entire life, you've always been an arm's reach away. It hurts to think about not seeing you at all for weeks or months…years."  
He smiled, "Years?"  
"Maybe that's a slight embellishment." I admitted, "All the same…"

He came to me, putting his arms around my waist and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I couldn't stand to be away from you for any long period of time. I would take you with me if I knew I could get away with it. As it stands though, I can't, but I have to do this, Emily. I can't know I have family out there and NOT know them. You're lucky; you've always had family around you. Brothers, parents, cousins and aunts and uncles, grandparents, none of whom live more than a day from you. I've never had anyone. Even when my dad was alive he wasn't here. I've pretended for too long that this was my family—"  
"But we are."  
"I think I had to give up that notion the second I fell in love with you, Doll. You can't be my sister and my girlfriend…it's a little strange." There was humor in his voice and it produced a small laugh from me. "See you understand. I'm sure Rafe does too he's just being…himself. I will come back to you, I will write to you every day. I promise"

"You're really going to go then?"

"Wouldn't you?"

I paused for only a moment before nodding. He was right of course I would have gone. I understood and sympathized with everything he had said. I was still reluctant though, even as I hugged and kissed him and he promised me again that everything would be fine. Perhaps I should have listened to my intuition then. Been more aware of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, maybe if I had then the events that extended from that trip wouldn't have happened and thrown my life into turmoil. But I didn't. I smiled and put on a brave face for the man I loved and began to help him plan for his trip.

* * *

He left on a Tuesday in early March. I went to the station with him, Rafe drove. It was a cold and rainy day and there were very few words spoken between the three of us. The engine on the train was going and the whistle sounded the five minute warning just as Danny handed his bag off to be stowed. He turned to Rafe first; whose view on the situation hadn't change since the arrival of The Letter. He stared at Danny for a moment before accepting the handshake that he offered and wished him luck. Then from out of nowhere, he hugged him. It was fierce, brotherly and quick, but a hug none the less. I smiled, amused that even my brother couldn't ignore the emotion of the moment.

"Come back, okay?" he said as the parted.  
"I will." Danny nodded.

With a silent nod, Rafe walked back into the station, giving Danny and me as much privacy as he could get on the crowded train platform.

We hadn't had a moment alone together since he had gotten the letter. Time and our schedules just weren't on our side, but last night just when I had given up on the thought, he surprised me by taking me to see Swing Time at the movie theater. We were able to hold hands and eat our popcorn and forget about the impending trip and separation for an hour or so. Now that we were standing together though, waiting for the train, I wanted that hour back.  
"Well…" he began, but then didn't finish.

"I hope you have a great trip." I told him and despite my sadness, I meant it.

"I hope I do. I'm kind of afraid of what they'll think of me."

"They'll love you." I replied. "How couldn't they?"

His hands were in his pockets and he hid his fear with a sheepish smile. "Well, they obviously didn't think too much of my old man."

I lifted a hand and let my fingertips glide over his cheek and into the short locks of his hair. "Don't think like that. They really will love you, just like we do."

"We?"  
I giggled, "You know I love you."

"Say it then."

"I love you."

As if it came straight out of a movie, the train whistle sounded and the conductor could be heard down the platform, shouting a stereotypical "All aboard!" Danny pulled me to him fast, wrapping his arms around me, burying his face in the amber curls of my hair.

"I love you." He whispered and though it was muffled I could easily hear and feel the affection in his voice. I knew he was just as in love with me as I was with him. We hadn't been a couple for long, but the years of friendship before worked to our advantage. I could almost hear his thoughts for myself. As he pulled back and gave me a final kiss, deep and searing, ignoring those around us who might gawk, I could feel his unspoken words of good-bye in my heart, promising his love for me and promising to come back to me soon.

I watched him get on the train and gave him a final wave before the door closed, but couldn't bear to watch it leave. I turned my back to it as the wheels began to turn and went back into the station and walked quickly through it and out to the parking lot to where Rafe was waiting in the car. He watched me as I got in and shut the door. The engine was already running, but he made no attempt to put the car into gear.

"Don't be mad at him, Rafe."  
"I'm not."

"He had to do this. You would have done the same."

"Yeah, I know." His fingers drummed on the door in thought. After a moment he said, "Are you okay with it?"

I looked out the window. I could see the train pulling out of the station and focused on it for a moment, feeling not only the dull sadness in my heart, but also the excitement for Danny. Family was needed, it was important part of life. Family is what keeps you strong when all other things fail. For so long, even while his father was alive, Danny had never known that comfort. Now, hopefully, he would. "Yeah, I am." I finally answered, turning to him with a smile. "This is a good thing, a great thing. We should be happy."

He nodded and then moved the gear stick and put the car into drive. The moment felt bittersweet. I wasn't looking to the time ahead without Danny, but I knew he would come back to me, to us, soon.


	11. Chapter 11

**Holy crap! I'm on a roll with these chapters! Help me keep it going, leave nice reviews! lol**

Chapter Eleven

I stayed as busy as possible with Danny gone. Distraction seemed to be the key to getting through the days. There was school; graduation was just around the corner, piano lessons (Mrs. Russell was now convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that my talent at the instrument was exceptional) and above all, Charlotte. Her constant chatter and bumpy relationship with Billy proved to be the perfect diversion from the absence of my own boyfriend. On a sunny afternoon in late March when Danny had only been gone a couple of weeks, she was giving me an earful on the walk home from school about Billy's acceptance to Tennessee State on a basketball scholarship.

"He's so excited, Emily, but I just don't know, Nashville is so far away."

"You want to stay with him then?" I asked, kicking at a rock on the dusty road that led to my house. The same road I had walked along with Danny on our first date.

"Of course! Don't you want to stay with Danny?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do."

"How many schools have you applied to?" she challenged.

"State," I replied, fully aware that wouldn't satisfy her curiosity.  
"That's it?"

The truth was, that yes, I had only applied to the one school. All those years of aspiring to get out of Shelby and make something special of myself now seemed unimportant to me. I had once dreamed of attending Sarah Lawrence in New York. It was my dream school, but though I had filled out the application I had forgotten or rather neglected to send it. The urge was strong to stay close to home. To stay close to Danny. Time was running out too.

"Emily, I do believe you're not only in love, but love struck. Watch you marry Danny as soon as he's safely back over the county border and have the first of many babies nine months later. You're going to forget how to spell the word "college" and spend the next ten years scrubbing baby vomit off of your dresses."

I kicked her for that and she laughed. Luckily for her, only my best friend could get away with talking to me like that. We continued towards my house, stopping at the mailbox at the front of the drive on our way. I reached in and pulled out the bundle, leafing through it quickly, which had admittedly become a habit since Danny had left. I hadn't received any letters from him yet, but I knew they were coming.

And then on the bottom of the pile, there it was! I shoved the other letters into my bag and clutched the envelope with his clear, bold handwriting on the front.

"Oh, finally!" Charlotte exclaimed with a mixture of excitement and mockery. "Open it, you Ninny! What does it say?"

Thankful for an understanding friend, I practically ripped the envelope open and unfolded the letter.

_Emily,_

_ I promised you letters and here is the first. I arrived in Atlanta a few days ago and well, what can I say, the city is something to see. After Shelby, it's kind of a shock seeing cars, tall buildings, and so many people all going somewhere in a big hurry. My Uncle George is great. He's married to my Aunt Pauline who you would love and I've met my mom's older sister, my Aunt Wilma who's married to my Uncle Hal. They're all wonderful people and welcomed me with open arms. I guess being nervous about meeting them was kind of stupid. I have cousins too…a lot of them! Rich, my Uncle George's son is a year younger than me. He and I get along pretty well. He's taken me around the city to see the sites and has told me a lot about my grandparents…they both passed away about ten years ago. I was a bit upset when I found that out, but the past is the past. I would have liked to have met them, but I'm going to try and not dwell on the fact that I didn't._

_ George and Pauline, well they're pretty well to do. He's a chief engineer at one of the factories here. After noticing my interest in planes he offered me a job, can you believe that? I almost laughed out loud. Rafe probably would have taken it up in a heartbeat. I guess my mind is set on more important things right now though. _

_ Like you._

_ I miss you, Em. God, you have no idea how much I miss you._

_ "_Maybe I should stop listening now…or you should stop reading." Charlotte laughed. "Sounds like we're getting into some lovey dovey talk."

I smiled, "Probably."

Then, just as a best friend should, she gave me a wink and ran ahead towards the house, seeing Brett standing on the porch with his girlfriend Susan, who had come for dinner, talking to Rafe. Thankful, I went back to the letter, reading slowly as I walked.

_ I think about you all the time, wishing you could have come with me. You would love this place and I would love showing it to you. There's so much to do and see, but I can only enjoy it so much without you here next to me. Soon though, I'll be home soon._

All my love,

_ Danny_

I smiled to myself, folding the letter up and putting it back in its envelope. Rafe was eyeing me as I finally approached the porch, coming to stand next to Charlotte.

"Get a letter?"

"Yeah."

"How is he?" Susan asked.

"Fine. He says his family is nice."

"I had a feeling they would be." She replied with a smile.

I told them all about the rest of the letter, well the non "lovey dovey" parts, and then we chatted about other things before Charlotte and I went in the house. I hung up my bag, taking the rest of the mail out of the pocket and laying it on the table in the hall. Charlotte took me into the living room and we sat down on the floor by the coffee table.

"Look what I got at the Five 'n Dime. Nail polish! Give me your hand; I want to test it out on you."

"Why—" but she grabbed my hand and laid it flat on the table, opening the bottle of bright red polish that I knew was going to give my father a heart attack. I let her paint though and listened to her gossip at the same time. The front door opened and shut and Rafe, Brett and Susan came into the house. Rafe paused in the hall to look through the stack of mail and Susan came in and sat of the sofa, watching Charlotte. My brother's girlfriend was a pretty one. She and Brett had been dating since they were in school. Her hair was a beautiful dark red, though her face was free of freckles. She was curvy, but not overly so, something I knew that made the guys do second and even third glances when she walked by. She was a Dear though and I had always liked her.

"Hey, Shrimp, what's this?" Rafe asked, the question ever so lovingly directed towards me.

"What?" I asked, not taking my eyes off of my nails for fear Charlotte would smudge.

"I got a letter too."

"Sorry, I didn't notice. From who?"

"Danny!"

That made me look over at him, "Oh."

He grumbled and began to open the letter.

"I love this color." Susan spoke up, "Charlotte would you do mine next?"

"Sure. What do you think, Em?"

"I think…" I held my finished hands up. "I think my father is going to think I'm channeling a French woman of the night."

She and Susan both laughed. Besides Brett, who was standing right next to him, none of us noticed Rafe's shocked expression as he read Danny's letter or that he quietly walked out of the room when he was done.

Susan and Brett of course, stayed for dinner. Mom's pork chops and greens smelled delicious and I was eager to sit down and make myself a plate, but after grace was said Brett cleared his throat and looked at Rafe and me.

"What?" Rafe asked his plate already three quarters of the way full.

"We've got something to say." Brett said, reaching for Susan's hand.

"So say it." Rafe replied. "And be quick about it, I'm hungry."

"We're getting married." Brett told him, beaming from ear to ear. Susan was smiling brightly too.

"That's wonderful!" I exclaimed and reached over to Susan to embrace her. "I'll finally have a sister! When? Have you decided on a day?"

Brett's gaze cut to Susan quickly. "Well, we're not really worried about a big shin dig. We'd rather just get it out of the way. Probably next week sometime."

"Get it out of the way? Sue, really? You only get married once."

I detected a hint of guilt in her eyes and maybe a touch regret as well. She squeezed Brett's hand tighter and then smiled again, "Yes, the sooner the better."

On my other side, Rafe tried to hide a snort of laughter under his hand. Then I noticed the expression on my parent's faces and there was no mistaking the disappointment I saw. It took a moment for me to realize why they were getting married so fast. Susan was pregnant.

Rafe could hide his amusement no longer. "Nice going, Brett. Her Daddy got the shot gun out, didn't he?"

"Shut up, Rafe!" Brett countered.

"Enough!" my father said. "They've made a mistake, but they're owning up to it and doing the right thing. And that's the last I want to hear on that subject."

My mother didn't say anything.

The tension in the air was thicker than a brick. I looked back at Susan, whose face was now fallen, and Brett who now had an arm around her. I knew they loved one another, I knew they had planned to get married, but babies changed everything. I wanted to say something, anything to change the mood that had set in around the table. My parents, I gathered, had been told prior to dinner. My mother's silence on the matter told me that was the truth. She seemed torn between wanting to lash out at my brother and crying tears of frustration over the news that her eldest child was making her a grandmother. In the end I said nothing. I feared making my mother upset by doing so, or making Susan feel worse about her situation.

I helped to clear the table after dinner, scraping and washing the dishes, while my mother scrubbed the stove somewhat mercilessly. Again I gave her space and finished my chores as quickly as I could. I was going to escape to my room and do some reading when I passed the opened front door in the hall. Brett was outside sitting on the top step, smoking a cigarette. He must have taken Susan home sometime between the end of our uncomfortable, silent meal and now and come back to the house. I took a breath and walked out onto the porch, closing the screen door quietly behind me. He said nothing as I smoothed the skirt of my dress and sat down next to him.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked him after a giving him a moment.

"There's nothing to talk about." He replied thinly.

I shifted and looked away. He was probably right. It was dusk now. The days were growing longer and the air sweeter with the scent of green and warmth. The setting was kind to my senses and gave me the renewed comfort to look back at him.

"I am happy for you."

He turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

"I really am," I continued, "You and Susan have been going together for years. I'm sure this wasn't the way you planned for things to be, but I know you both wanted to marry and have for some time."

"There's a difference between doing it because you want and doing it because your hands are being forced." He replied. "You should have seen the look on her father's face when I told him. He didn't lay a finger on me, but I practically wet myself watching him throw a glass across the room and scream at me until the rafters shook."

"He'll get over it. They all will. Our parents included."

"Mom will never talk to me again."

"Yes, she will. Don't be silly."

He shook his head and surprisingly released a slight chuckle. "I always thought it would be Rafe who did something like this."

I only paused for a moment before laughing myself. "I can see that."

Then we fell silent. He took a last puff on his cigarette and flicked it out into the driveway. We watched the orange flam of the tip slowly extinguish together before he turned to me,

"You really are happy for us?"

"Yes." I turned my eyes towards the sky. "It's all really simple for you when you think about it. You would have married despite it and you know that. Maybe this is just Gods way of telling you that you were taking too long in doing so."

He smiled, "Maybe. Everything happens for a reason, right?"

"Right."

"Are you going to marry, Danny?"

"It's barely been mentioned." I answered, rather wanting to avoid the subject.

"But you want to."

I sighed deeply. "A year ago if someone would have told me that I would be considering marriage at this moment in my life, I would have laughed. All I thought about for so long was my education. I wanted to go to college, to learn about everything that I could, to see the world…make something spectacular of myself…but now, now all I want is…"

"Him?"

"…Yeah." I took another deep breath. "And I feel like I'm failing myself or disappointing someone if I don't do any of that. I don't care that the future for us is so plainly clear. I don't care that if we do marry that I may never leave this town and that I could turn out like Fannie Harbinger and have five babies over the next seven years. "

"You only live once, Kiddo. It ain't about making other people happy. You are the one that matters the most."

I nodded, even though I didn't believe that notion. There were tears brimming in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. He was quick to notice though, my brother the ever protective and doting older sibling, and put an arm around me. "People change, dreams change. Don't feel like you've failed just because you are human. You're in love. Sure people make dumb choices when their heads are filled with clouds and naked babies with wings and arrows, but in the end they always get you to where you're supposed to be."

I was openly crying now.

"Stop it," I scolded, "I came out here to comfort _you_."

He smiled, "We're a mess you and I. Maybe Rafe has the right idea not keeping a girl around longer than two weeks?"

"Don't tell him that. We'll never hear the end of it if he finds out he was right about something."

We both laughed then, me especially, despite my tears. He gave me a tight hug and kissed my forehead. "Marry the boy if he asks, or go to college, wherever you feel like your sails want to take you, I'll be there."

"Thanks, Brett."

"And just to prove to you that you've made me feel one hundred percent better about my predicament, I promise to name that baby after you if it's a girl. If it's a boy, well I can't help you there. He will be Brett Jr."

"Sounds good to me." I smiled.

I was up the stairs a few moments later heading to my bedroom when I passed by Rafe's. The door was open and the light was on. He sat on his bed, staring at his folded hands below him, completely silent.

"Rafe?"

He looked up quickly at the sound of my voice.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"The future."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

April 12, 1936

_Dear Danny,_

_ With all that's happened since you left, it seems like you've been gone a lot longer than just a month or so. Brett and Susan were married last week right here in the living room. Reverend Arnold officiated and of course Mom and Dad and my grandparents were there. Susan's parents came too, though they didn't seem all that excited about it…along with Mom to tell you the truth… I am happy for them though. I know that once things calm down, everyone else will be too._

I stopped writing, chewing the edge of my pen thoughtfully as I pondered what else to include in the letter. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I had played the organ in church that morning and after that we had come home and I helped my mother open all of the windows in the house to catch the sweet fragrant breeze coming in from the west. I laid on the floor where the warm rays of sunshine scattered across the rug, my elevated toes moving absently to the Benny Goodman tune that played on the radio. I wished he was here next to me rather than so far away. Spring was here now, the days were getting hotter and the river was calling my name, but I would rather be here writing to him if I couldn't have him close.

I put my pen back to the paper about to write about my upcoming graduation when Rafe's heavy footsteps came down the stairs and into the living room. He playfully stepped over me and sat down in the rocking chair near the radio. I noticed the newspaper in his hand.

"Good news or bad news?" I asked.

"Just educating myself on current events."

I sat up, giving him a once over as I crossed my legs. "You've been acting rather peculiar lately."

He opened the paper, avoiding my gaze. "Have I?"

"Yes, you Donkey, you know you have. Now what's going on?"

"Nothing."

I scoffed and decided to leave the room before I threw a book at him. I grabbed my pad of paper and pen and stood up.

"Did you hear about what Hitler did?" he asked suddenly/

"What?"

"Hitler. You know who that is, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do. What are you talking about? What did he do?"

"Violating the Treaty of Versailles last month, going into the Rhineland."

"What about it?" Now, I was curious. I sat down on the coffee table, facing him.

"He's stirring a pot, Emily, you don't see that? He's trying to put Germany back to where they were before the Great War. He wants Germany to be at the top of the world and he wants to be the leader of all of it."

I took a moment, processing what he had told me. Of course I knew it all. It was all over the radio and in the papers, even on the screens in the theater. Still though, if my brother, my care free, somewhat selfish brother, had taken notice of these events, it couldn't bode well.

"You think there's going to be another war?" I asked, the answer obvious.

He nodded, "I do."

"Is that what you and Danny have been talking about then?"

He looked back at me, surprised.

"I'm not blind." I told him. How could I have missed it? There had been several letters going back and forth between the two for weeks now. I knew something was going on. "What are you planning?"

"Nothing, Em." He rose, "Just don't worry about it." He began to walk away, but I stepped in front of him, arms crossed, ready for war myself.

"No, tell me. I want to know."

"No."

"Why not?"

He began to redden and the veins in his temple swelled. "You're damn right infuriating, you know that!"

"Well I wouldn't be your sister if I wasn't, now tell me!"

"No, I won't! There's nothing to say, at least not yet. Not until I get back."

My eyes cut to him quickly. "Back?"

Though I was by no means short, Rafe towered over me at over 6 feet tall, but as soon as I spoke those last words he immediately shrunk even lower than my 5 feet 7 inches. I could see him regretting what he had just said.

I rounded on him, sensing his vulnerability, "Back from where?"

"Atlanta." There was a long pause after he said that. I just stared at him, unsure of what to say. "Don't be mad." He finally said.

I sat back down on the edge of the coffee table. Something was going on now I was sure of it. I felt like a child not knowing the big juicy secret that all of the grown-ups did. In hindsight I realized that neither Rafe or Danny were intentionally trying to keep secrets or make me feel as if I couldn't be trusted, but at that moment I felt out of control and if there was anything in this world that I hated, it was that. I stood up; avoiding Rafe's gaze and took myself outside, forgetting the half finished letter to Danny. I walked without any destination in mind, somehow finding myself in the workshop, the old crop duster taking up most of the room inside. I moved passed it though and sat down on a crate, taking a deep breath. I expected to be alone with my puzzling thoughts, but Rafe had been quick on my heels and entered almost as soon as I had sat down.

"We're joining the army."

I had barely digested his words before he continued in an obviously un-rehearsed monologue. "When he wrote to me a few weeks ago he told me that his cousin had a friend who was a pilot in the air corps. They're starting to recruit more guys, military or civilian to fly their planes. They train them, give them a uniform and a plane and make them officers. The pay is decent, there's good security, and we can go all over. There's bases in Arkansas, Florida, California, everywhere." He paused. "We all want out of this town, Emily and this is the perfect way for Danny and me to do it."

"But he didn't want you to tell me?"

He shook his head, "No, he wanted to tell you himself."

"Was he going to break up with me?"

"No-well, I don't think so. He didn't say anything about it and I don't go asking questions where I know it's none of my business." There was an angry edge to the last part of his sentence and the urge to slap him was strong, but I didn't. My mind was going in a hundred different directions, none of which I could clearly decipher. I stood up and walked quickly back out of the shed, in the house and up the stairs to my room, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

"Em, I'm sure it's not what you're thinking it is." Charlotte told me a few days later. Rather than going home after school we had gone down to the river. It was dreadfully hot and humid out and the cool water had been too tempting to resist. We both took off our shoes and stockings and sat down on the dock, sticking our feet in. I wiggled my toes and enjoyed the cool sensation while she attempted to make me feel better.

It wasn't that I was mad at Danny; I was more or less mad at the situation he had put me in. Without realizing it I had put my own plans on hold for him. Hearing that he had gone off and made his own felt almost like a betrayal.

I swirled my feet in the water, my head hanging down. The bright sun was burning hotly down upon us and I could almost feel my exposed skin bake underneath it. I felt like stripping down to my slip and jumping into the river, but at almost 18 year olds old, I figured that wasn't exactly proper.

"Emily..."

I looked up. I had unintentionally ignored Charlotte and gave a small smile of apology. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, her new bob allowing her curls to flounce. She reminded me of Shirley Temple. "Just don't let it bother you. You shouldn't be mad."

"I'm not mad. I just don't like not knowing what's going on. I feel like I don't know which way is up. This time last year I thought I had it all figured out then everything with Danny happened and threw my world through a loop. I don't mind that it did, but at least before this I was sure that he was going to be a part of my future. Now I'm not so sure. I'm not sure of anything."

She put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. There was nothing unordinary about that. Charlotte had always been affectionate, it was just her nature, but the sudden touch of another person suddenly brought the tears of frustration and fear I had been harboring to the surface. Everything seemed to have gone pear shaped since Danny had left. Brett and Susan's surprise announcement still wasn't sitting well with my mother. In fact she was barely speaking to either one of them. It made family dinners rather uncomfortable. Then there was the fact that graduation was only weeks away and I hadn't even bothered to make plans for college…and then Danny.

I buried my face in my hands, leaned into Charlotte and let the tears flow.

**Sorry for such a short chapter. I'm trying my hardest to come out with chapters more frequently and didn't want to take forever on this one. Hope you enjoyed though! Send some LOVE! 3**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Rafe left for Atlanta on May 1st. I was not speaking to him at that point nor was I writing Danny anymore letters. Of course his kept coming in the mail. I'd open them, glance them over to see if there was any mention of the army, but there never was and so I would toss them in my nightstand drawer and let them pile up without any reply. I was honestly surprised the first few times that he hadn't. I'd assumed Rafe told him that I knew, but either he didn't care that I did or Rafe had never said anything. Considering my brothers big mouth, I found that highly unlikely.

The day Rafe left was a Friday. I was at school when my father took him to the train station. I actually heard the train whistle as I walked from my classroom to the playground where I usually met Charlotte. As I adjusted the heavy satchel on my shoulder I heard a voice call out my name. Turning around I saw Andrew Callison jogging towards me.

"Emily."

"Hi Andrew," He was a nice guy, one that had been in my class since I was 7 years old, but not someone who I would call a close friend. His father was one of two doctors in town so he came from a very well to do home.

"I'm glad I caught you," he looked around, "You're not heading anywhere are you? I don't want to keep you."

"Oh no, just home. I'm waiting for Charlotte to walk with me."

"Oh well, okay, I'll get right to it then…are you going to the prom?"

I froze. "What?"

He smiled, "The prom. I wasn't sure. I know it's only two weeks away, but I'd really like to take ya. There's supposed to be food, dancing…great combination if you ask me."

"I'm with someone." I replied slowly.

"Oh no," he laughed nervously, "I did know that. It's not like that, I just thought we could have fun together. No romance, Scout's honor."

I looked around wondering where on earth Charlotte was and why she wasn't rescuing me from this awkward moment. I had no desire to go to the party for seniors that our school was throwing for us. I remembered Brett taking Susan all those years ago and tome it was something for couples. Since Danny wasn't here I didn't see myself going at all and now here was Andrew Callison asking me. I didn't have anything against him. He was nice enough. Typical basketball jock, rather cocky, but not overly so. I studied him quickly. Green eyes, brown hair, tan, tall, but shorter than Danny. He was rather muscular too.

"Thank you, Andrew, it's so nice of you to think of me, but I think I'm just going to stay home that night."

He didn't even bother to hide the fact that he was disappointed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, though I wasn't.

"Oh okay, well, if you change your mind. Let me know."

"I will." I smiled politely and turned to continue walking towards the playground, then stopped. Lord help me, I was being pathetic! Staying at home on a night when all of my friends would be having such fun. There were a precious few that would be leaving soon, heading towards successful futures, and some that would be staying here, taking up jobs on their family farms or in joining in their business. Girls that would marry those boys and start their families. Future responsibilities and obligations loomed before all of us, no matter what our paths might be, this was our last night as just children. To have fun, be carefree and celebrate. I'd never forgive myself for missing it, and a small voice told me Danny would probably agree. I turned around, desperate to catch Andrew before he disappeared back inside the school.

"Andrew!"

He turned, "Yeah."

"I changed my mind. I'll go with you."

He smiled brightly, "Great!"

* * *

"Dr. Callison's son?" my mother asked later that evening. I was helping her set the table for dinner and had just told her of my intention to go the prom.

"It's not a date, Mom."

She nodded, pushing back a stray blonde curl that had come loose from her braided knot and continued to lay down plates for her, myself and dad. I put down the napkins and silverware, following after her. "He is a nice young man," she observed suddenly, "I've met him at church, haven't I?"

"Yes." I replied, her tone making me suspicious.

"It would be good for you, I think. You shouldn't feel tied down at such a young age."

"Tied down?"

"Oh, don't mistake my meaning. You know I love Danny, you and him make a wonderful couple. I just think that at 17 almost 18 years old, you shouldn't feel be bound to anyone is all." She sighed and uncharacteristically pulled a chair out from the table and sat down. "By the time I was your age I had a one year old baby on my hip. I don't see that for you. I see better things. You have so much potential, you know? That's why I encouraged the music lessons, you're talented, everyone says so. Being stuck in this dusty little town would just be wasting a gift from God."

I stood over her, shocked.

"You think I'm going to be stuck here if I stay with Danny?" Obviously she didn't know about the Army plan.

She looked up at me. "I'm saying, I've seen it happen. It happened to me. It will happen to most of your friends. This is a man's world, Emily and towns like ours are prime examples of that fact." She paused. "I wanted to travel. To see the Pacific islands, Europe, Mexico. All of those places I would see in National Geographic…I wanted to be the one taking those pictures." She was lost in memory now, I could see her eyes fall back to the decades of the past. "My parents got me a Kodak box camera for my thirteenth birthday. They were well off, always have been, others were sure they were spoiling me, but that gift was so much more to me than just token, it opened my eyes to the world."

I sat down in the chair next to hers, focusing on her as she spoke now.

"I looked through all of the picture books and dreamed of the day when I would be able to see those things with my own eyes. I wanted to make other's_ Feel_ with my photographs." She paused. "I met your father at your Aunt Maggie's wedding. We danced and he dazzled me. He was just a farmer's son, but he had seen the world. He had been in the war. He had seen England, France. I wanted to hear every last detail about it, even if it did include talk about battles and trenches. We went out on a few dates and after one weak moment I fell pregnant." There were tears in her eyes now and I quickly produced a handkerchief to give to her. She took it and dabbed at her eyes.

"I love your father and I love Brett, but I felt as if they were thrust upon me too soon. Your father doesn't know that and I will never tell him. By the time Rafe came along I had become accustomed to this life and by the time we had you, I was fully emerged in it. I was content and perfectly happy to ignore what might have been. Now here I am, sitting here, about to become a grandmother at thirty-eight years old." And then she began to cry harder.

Unsure of what to do, I put an arm around her and patted. I had never seen my mother cry, never. It felt odd then as I watched her shed tears over everything that had happened and everything that could have been. I realized then why she was so angry with Susan and Brett. Without knowing it they had ripped open an old wound and dumped salt on it. I wouldn't deny her words had hit home. My dreams may have been different, but there weren't all that dissimilar from hers.

My heart filled with sympathy for her. I could find no words, but something told me she didn't need any. The fact that she had finally been able to speak to someone about what was bothering her seemed to have been exactly what she needed. She sobbed in my arms, stopping only when she heard my father enter the house. Quickly she blotted at her eyes with the handkerchief and attempted to right her disheveled state before he walked into the kitchen. It was too late though, while he was not one that wore he heart on his sleeve, he knew when others were hurting especially his wife of twenty-two years.

"Emily." He said my name softly and gestured for me to leave the room. I nodded and did as I was told, pausing to give my mother a final embrace before I left.

* * *

It was hard to shake off that moment with my mother. For the next several days I observed her quiet, melancholy mood. I didn't tell anyone what she had told me, but gathered my father knew. Never in my life had I doubted that they loved one another. The stolen kisses and loving, but quick embraces scattered across my memories from childhood. I remember finding it silly as a child, but more endearing as I grew up and realized what that affection stood for.

Meanwhile, Charlotte was on a mission to find the perfect dresses for the prom. She persuaded her father to drive us to a department store in Memphis and with my own father's permission, and money, I found a beautiful full length pink and white silk-organdie dress. The sleeves were capped and edged with lace, the bodice fitted. When I got home, Susan was there helped to take it in to fit around my slender waist and to curl every last strand of my back length hair the night of the dance. She fluttered over me like a nervous mother reading her daughter for a wedding. I found myself amused by it…when I wasn't preoccupied by thoughts of Danny.

I wished he was taking me.

I didn't even think of it as Andrew taking me, more like I was going with him…and Charlotte and Billy. When he showed up at my house shortly after 6pm that Saturday afternoon, I was ready, dress fitting perfectly, not a strand of hair out of place. Mom let me put on some rouge and put color on my eyes and lips. I felt exactly like a princess…only without her prince.

Andrew was such a gentleman and looked handsome in his black trousers and starched and pressed white shirt. He held the door of his father's Ford opened for me and made sure I was settled in before shutting it and going to the driver's side.

"Thanks again for coming with me, Emily."

"Thanks for asking me."

He smiled and started the car. I must admit I had had my reservations about going out with a boy that wasn't my boyfriend, but Andrew made it clear to everyone that we were simply there as friends. It didn't take long for me to realize though that Andrew was great friends with Billy and that was mostly the reason he had asked me to come; so he could hang out with Billy without Charlotte getting bored. He and Billy spent a good deal of time talking basketball at the dance, leaving Charlotte with me, rolling her eyes in annoyance. We did dance though. There were a few tunes I was familiar with and he guided me through the steps fluidly, remarking on my dancing more than once.

"So when does Danny get back?" he asked, when we took a break after a few dances. He handed me a glass of punch.

"I'm not really sure." I replied, noting to myself that during my quick skims of his letters he hadn't give a date on coming home.

"Where is he?"

"Atlanta."

He smiled. "Oh okay. My mom's cousin's aunt's sister…or something or the other lives there."

I laughed. "A close relative then?"

"Extremely." He said, laughing heartily.

The conversation paused after our laughter died down. Curiosity getting the best of me, I turned back to him "I hate to pry, Andrew, but why did you ask me to come with you tonight?"

"Billy asked me. He knew Charlotte wanted you to come, but they both knew you wouldn't with Danny being gone."

I nodded.

"You're not offended are you?"

"No, I was just curious. We exchange pleasantries every once in awhile, but we've never really spoken before. It was just unexpected."

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw you through any loops. I guess this wouldn't have happened at all if Blanche hadn't given me the boot a few months back."

"Blanche?"

"Kincaid. Did you know her? Probably not she's a few years older than us. She works at the theater, the girl at the popcorn counter."

"Oh, yeah I know her. Red hair, dark eyes."

"A figure that would convert a priest."

I laughed again. "Can't say that I noticed that."

"Yeah, well I did. It was my undoing. She threw me aside for some banjo player in Memphis."

"Banjo player?"

He shrugged, "Actually I think it was a trumpet player, it just sounds more pathetic when I say Banjo."

I agreed, "It does."

He laughed. "Glad you see it my way, McCawley. What do you say to another dance? This ex dame talk is making me feel a little blue."

"Sure." I let him take my hands and pull me to my feet. We went back on the dance floor and began to jitterbug to Cole Porter.

As he had promised my father to get home by my curfew Andrew and I readied to leave the school's gym at 9:45. Another couple, Jimmy Bynes and Betty Loughlin hitched a ride with us. This wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't decided to make the back seat their own personal area and began necking intensely before we even left the parking lot. Andrew laughed it off, but I honestly felt uncomfortable and couldn't wait to get home. When I finally spied the mailbox to my driveway, lit up by the headlights of his car, I instructed him to stop and let me out there.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, its fine." The couple in the back was beginning to unnerve me at that point. I missed Danny desperately.

"Well, all right." He pressed the breaks and brought the car to a stop. I opened the door for myself and thanked him for the wonderful evening.

"I had a lot of fun, truly. Thank you."

"You're welcome. It was fun. Take care."

"I will. Good night." And not wanting to be as rude as they had, I turned to Betty and James and waved with a fake smile plastered on my lips. I watched Andrew pull away before I started walking. I was tired, the night had been fun, but I had been covering up my sadness.

I missed him.

I kicked myself for ignoring his letters. What a childish move that had been on my part. I should have just dealt with my anger in a mature and rational way, not thrown a tantrum like a toddler would. I made up my mind to go and write him a long letter as soon as I walked through the door. I hurried towards the house though it was difficult in the heeled shoes Charlotte had chosen for me. Not quickly enough though, the house began to come into view and so did the silhouette of someone sitting on the porch swing. I knew it was him before I had taken another step.

Instinct screamed at me to run to him, throw my arms around him and kiss him until my lips were bruised, but I fell back and slowly came to a stop just in front of the steps. The house lights were on and glowing gold inside of the windows and he stood and walked to the edge of the deck, crossing his arms and propped himself against the post.

"Have a good night?" he asked.

I showed no emotion and nodded my head, "Yes."

"Who were you with that can't walk you to your front door?"

"If you're asking if I was with my Guy, I wasn't." I replied steadily, "Just a wonderful night with friends."

There was a hint of smile on his face. "And where is your Guy? He's an ass not taking you to your own prom."

"I can't rightly remember." I told him. "As a matter of fact it's been so long since I've seen him that I've forgotten his face and his name."

"Oh yeah?" he started down the steps and came to a stop in front of me. "That's pretty bad."

"It is. Maybe his name is David or Dean—"

And then he was kissing me. I felt my barriers breaking down against his sudden burst of passion and found myself relishing the feel of his hands on my face and his body pressed against mine. We he pulled back smiled at me I was smiling right back.

"Danny. His name was Danny." I whispered

He laughed and kissed me again.


	14. Chapter 14

**And another chapter! I was going to add more on to it, but I think its good by itself :) I hope you all agree and as always R/R!**

Chapter Fourteen

I stood there, in his arms, letting my senses consume everything around me that was purely _him._ Sight, sent, touch…oh I finally had him back. I kissed him again, demanding silently that he return them and of course I wasn't disappointed. Between a break in our frenzy he pulled me off to the side of the house, hidden in the dark shadows and out of sight of my family. Our lips met once again and he was pressing his body against mine making his desires known to both of us. In between the sweet presses of his lips on mine he murmured about my beauty and let his finger tips graze the fabric of my dress and pressed his face into the curls of my hair. I delighted in every moment of it, until I remembered my feelings towards him in the last couple of weeks and abruptly pulled away.

"Wait…wait, I'm mad at you!"

"What?" he was breathless and confused.

"Mad, mad, I'm mad at you! The Army, Danny? Without even talking to me about it, without any kind of warning…the army?" Without even waiting for an answer I knew he had been avoiding the topic. Of course, Rafe had said something, the knowledge that I knew wasn't new to him.

"I was hoping to do this somewhere else." Was his answer. His breathing and mine were still uneven from our actions only minutes before. I was torn between jumping back into his arms and demanding the truth from his own lips…oh those beautiful lips that drove me crazy…

"How could you do this to me? I thought…"

"Emily, if I made you think that this was going somewhere…"

"You did."

"That was exactly my intention. I love you, God help me I love you. I would never leave you if I could help it."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to surprise you. I should have known Rafe wouldn't be able to keep a damn secret." His words may have given the impression of being mad at Rafe, but the flicker of amusement in his eyes gave away that he wasn't.

"I don't find this funny, Danny."

"Look, from the moment I made up my mind about it and this was before I even mentioned it to Rafe, I was thinking of you and of us. You don't deserve to be stuck in this town. Do you think I was deaf all these years whenever you would talk about getting out of Shelby and seeing the world? When I made the decision, I made it for both of us. I knew staying here forever working odd jobs here and there wouldn't be what you wanted, no matter how many times you would have said otherwise."

I pursed my lips together, letting him continue.

"No doubt Rafe mentioned it, but there are bases all over and you can come with me. The bases provide housing for families. You could still go to school; I won't stop you from doing that."

My head was now spinning from the news he had just laid before me. He truly had put some serious thought into this idea. I took a step back, my back brushing against the side of the house. Even in the dark, his features were clear to me. I saw the honesty and love in his eyes, how much he wanted me to feel better about this, but I felt…strange. He was talking about us like… US. He wanted to do this together oh and I did love him for that, but my memory flashed to my mother, crying at the dining room table those weeks ago, wondering where her life had gone, knowing that it would have turned out so much different if my father had entered the picture later on than he had. He hadn't said the words, but Marriage was what he meant.

"Danny…" I began, but then stopped when I saw him pulling the small box from his pocket.

"Emily, I promise to love you for the rest of this life and the ones beyond that. You are my heart and my soul; I wouldn't mean anything in this world if it wasn't for you. I want to take care of you and for you to be my partner. I want to see and experience a thousand new things and more with you. I want you to have my babies, I want you to be driven crazy by their shenanigans…" he smiled when he said that, breaking from his serious oration. I did the same. " I want us to share every wonderful moment of our lives together. "

My breath caught in my throat then as he pulled the soft white box from his pocket. I wasn't expecting this. This morning I still thought him to be four hundred miles away and now he was standing in front of me proposing; proposing marriage, a life together, and a future.

"Will you marry me? He asked then, opening the box and revealing an antique, white gold ring with a simple diamond embedded in the center. It was exactly what I would have picked for myself.

I won't deny that my mind immediately flashed to my mother, crying her eyes out over marrying too young or to Susan, only a few years older than me and forced into a marriage because of her condition. This wasn't the same though. I knew it. I had loved Danny since before…since before I could clearly remember anything. He was a part of my heart and piece of my soul. Wherever I went in life, I wanted him with me. Through all the good and all the bad, I wanted Danny to be that constant.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. "Yes, yes, yes." I whispered, pulling away only to let him slip the ring on my finger and then back into him embrace.

"You don't feel like I'm rushing you."

"Rushing me?" I laughed, "We've known one another for nearly eighteen years."

He laughed and pulled me back, his arms remaining around my waist. "I already asked your dad."

"You did?" I was a bit shocked.

"Rafe too. Neither one of them seemed to have much of an objection." He joked.

"My mother?"

"I assume your dad told her. Why?"

"Where did you get the ring?" I quickly changed the subject.

"My uncle. When I told him about you, he gave me this. It was my grandma's. Grandpa gave it to her when they got married right before the Civil War."

"Are you serious?"

"Hard to believe huh?"

"I'll treasure it for the rest of my life."

He traced my chin with the tip of his thumb and smiled, "I know you will."

We stayed outside for a little longer, basking in the glow of our engagement, dreaming of what the future held, before we went inside and made the announcement that I had accepted his proposal. My dad tried to hide tears, Rafe hugged us both while my mother stood away from it all, a half smile on her lips. I went to her while Dad poured some whiskey into glasses for himself, Rafe and Danny.

"Ma, don't be upset. Please. This is my choice."

"I know it is."

"No one or nothing has forced my hand. I love him."

"I know you do."

I took her hand and squeezed it. "Please be happy for me."

She looked me over. I could see the sadness pass over her eyes and then a wave of sentimentality. Tears brimmed in the corners and she quickly pulled me into a hug. "Only if you promise to not let your dreams die." She whispered.

"I promise." I whispered back and squeezed her hard.


	15. Chapter 15

**I've been agonizing over this chapter for pretty much EVER! lol I just couldn't get it right until now. Hope everyone enjoys!  
**

Chapter Fifteen

In the weeks following that night I barely had a moment to catch my breath with all that was going on. The news of my engagement spread throughout the family and everyone sent letters, cards and gifts of congratulations. I had a nice letter from Danny's aunt and uncle welcoming me to the family and expressing their wish to meet me soon. Charlotte was thrilled beyond reason and immediately began to collect dress patterns for me to choose from, my mother seemed to be in genuine excitement about the event as well. We sat down the morning after Danny had proposed and decided on September 3rd as The Day. It was far enough away to prepare a small ceremony and reception, she said, and also was after Susan was due to have the baby. I was adamant on not stealing the attention away from her, Brett or my new niece or nephew. Then there was my graduation. Walking across the erected platform in the school's gym and receiving my diploma and certificate for having the highest grade point average of my class, was exciting and I was filled with pride for myself and family. Their faces as they congratulated me were ones I would never forget. Danny was the last one to pull me into his arms that evening. He kissed my cheek and said, "There is no limit to what you can do now." I smiled with tears in my eyes and kissed him back.

I was on Cloud Nine those few weeks, and I thought of that and smiled to myself as I sat at the church organ one Friday afternoon in mid July. I was in a rehearsal with the choir and had just finished "I Am Free". The director applauded the choir and myself and ended the session, sending us all on our way. I stayed behind for a moment, collecting my music and then headed out of the church after everyone else had gone, getting on my bike and riding home.

My parents had left earlier that morning for my grandparent's house. They were staying the night so Rafe and I were going to be on our own until tomorrow afternoon. Despite the Army plans he was still working at the scrap yard and flying the crop duster for my Dad. Danny had quit the scrap yard, but still flew and worked on the Duster when it was needed. I heard the rumble of the plane in the air as I neared the house. I looked up and saw the red Duster shoot gracefully across the sun knowing it was Danny in the pilot's seat. I stopped at the mailbox and grabbed the letters inside, leafing through them. My heart stopped when I saw one of the envelopes addressed to me. I turned it over, hoping…yes! It was from my Aunt Edith in California, she had finally written back after I had sent a letter to her about Danny and I. Though she moved away from Tennessee long before I had been born, my father's youngest sister and I had always been close. She had always encouraged me, always wanted the same things for myself that I did for she had actually done them herself. She had gone to college and was now a professor at the University of California. It was near unheard of for a woman to be so successful, but she was, and she was my idol.

I pushed the bike up to the porch and hurried up the steps, sitting on the rocker and tearing open the envelope. Her elegant scrawl greeted me, but the smile and happiness faded away from me as I began to read.

_Emily,_

_ I would be lying if I said the news from your last letter pleased me. In fact it does quite the opposite. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be thinking, but perhaps you aren't. Has the idea of love clouded your wisdom? You always said you didn't want to be just another girl from the country who married young, but here you are doing exactly that. Don't you know what will happen to you? You say you have plans with him, you say that you're going to go to college and do something with your life, but you won't. It won't happen. His career and what matters to him will come before it all. You will always be second place to a man, it doesn't matter if he loves you or not. _

_ I implore you to reconsider this decision. Imagine how wonderful your life would be if you would be allowed to spread your wings and blossom without anyone to hinder you. You would have a place here with me. You graduated at the top of your class, there are scholarships for that. You are intelligent, so intelligent. The University would not hesitate to accept your application…_

I had to stop reading after that; her words had stabbed at my heart and my hope. I crumbled the paper up and let it fall to my hands and onto the porch. Her words had stung. There was truth in them, yes, but she didn't have to as cold as she had been. This woman had been a staple in my life since I was a child, always supportive; always a loving presence and I had expected all of that from her especially at this moment.

I pulled my hankie out of my pocket and wiped my eyes. Behind me and beyond the house I heard the Duster touchdown. The engine died and knowing Danny was surely on his way to the house I attempted to straighten myself out, but it was no use, he noticed something was amiss. I saw the smile on his face fade away and be replaced with instant concern.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, but failing to hide the lie.

He saw the crumbled up ball under the chair and kneeled down to pick it up. I watched through blurry eyes as he read it. He was calm as he read from the first word to the last and smoothed out the paper upon finishing it.

"Well…"

I said nothing.

"Were you expecting this?"

"No," I replied, wiping my eyes again.

He looked down at the letter and then back at me. "She's not saying these things because she hates you. As much as I don't like reading it, she's not trying to be mean."

"I told her everything. I told her we had it all figured out. You're leaving in October, but that we'll marry before that. I told her that you'll be done with your Army training by Christmas and that after the New Year we'd be able to move to your first training base, wherever that might be, and then I would start school…"I was becoming flustered, telling him what he and I both already knew, but not understanding why Aunt Edith couldn't see that it was a perfectly good plan. I bit my tongue to hold back the rest and pressed my eyes closed.

He didn't move, didn't say anything, just let me breathe and have that silent moment to myself. When I took a breath and opened my eyes again he was still there and reached for me.

"We should go do something."

"What?"

"It's Friday night, neither one of us have anything going on tomorrow, why not?" he thought a moment and then said, "Let's go to Nashville."

"That's an hour and half away."

He gave me a sweet, quick peck on the lips, "If I can get you to forget about this for the rest of the night, it will be worth every second. Now, go get dressed. I'm giving you an hour."

I changed into my new red polka dotted dress and black shoes that I had bought recently on a shopping trip with Charlotte. I looped a belt around my waist and curled my hair, pinning it back, trying my best to mimic Miss Olivia de Havilland.

When I came downstairs, Danny was waiting by the door, his hands stuffed in the pockets of brown pair of slacks. He smiled broad when he saw me and held out a hand. I took it and he pulled me to him, his hands coming around my slim waist.

"You look beautiful." He said, running a soft knuckle across my cheek. "No more crying, though, alright? You'll ruin the whole picture."

"Okay." I whispered, pushing back the bad feeling that would surely result in my makeup running.

It took us a little more than an hour to reach the city limits. I had only been to Nashville a few times before and never at night. The lights and the crowded streets were a sight to behold. Danny knew of a dance hall in a nicer part of the town and headed to it. It was the only place in town that didn't cater to country music.

"Swing dancing?" I asked as he opened my door for me and helped me out. Of course I had seen it before, but the idea of doing it myself…well, I was leery.

"Once you hear the music it comes natural, I promise."

"When have you been dancing?" I asked, as we followed a small crowd down the sidewalk towards the Hall.

"Atlanta."

"With who?"

He laughed, "With my cousins. Come on. You'll have a great time."

We entered the smoke filled hall a moment later and I was immediately captivated by the crowd of people both on the dance floor and around the bar. A band was on stage, their conductor donning a white zuit suit and conducting with a fervor that was contagious. Danny led me out onto the dance floor despite my protests to the contrary.

"Danny…"

"Here." He put an arm around my waist and pulled me close and began to move in large, wide steps to the tune. I followed his lead, having no choice since his grip was firm. The trumpets and trombones were loud, the drums pounding, but despite it I started to loosen up. I followed Danny's lead with more certainty and he smiled. I locked my eyes onto his and felt the air between us crackle like a firework. He spun me around and pulled me back and began to move faster, as fast as the other couples around us, and wouldn't you know it, I followed along without even realizing it. I let him dip me, throw me in the air. One song faded into the next and I heard the familiar intro of 'Sing Sing Sing' by Benny Goodman. It wasn't Mr. Goodman himself, but it was close enough.

My dress twirled high as Danny spun me around again and I was smiling from ear to ear, enjoying every second. When had reached its crescendo and ended, I breathlessly smiled at my husband to be.

"Didn't I tell you?" he joked.

"You did." And I pulled him into a kiss. He responded and the intensity immediately escalated. No one around us seemed to care or even notice. It was like we were in our own world, secluded and shielded from everyone else. When we broke, reluctantly, I pressed my cheek to his.

"I love you."

"You'll never know how much I love you." He answered back. I closed my eyes, the warmth of his words spreading throughout me. Only hours before I had been sniffling on my front porch and now I was over the moon with happiness. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and the band began to play again, this time a slower tune. We swayed softly back and forth, heedless of any dance steps, completely enveloped in our bliss.

The feeling was still very much present hours later when we finally made it home. The house was dark and empty when we walked in an as I set my handbag down I called out for Rafe. When there was no answer I turned to Danny and shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't think he's here."

The words had barely left my lips when I felt Danny's on mine. The kiss was strong and hot and I melted in his arms. He cupped my face, letting his lips move from my lips, to my cheeks, to my neck and down my chest. I couldn't help the moan that softly came as he found a spot just below my ear that had me shaking in my shoes. I peeled off his coat and threw it aside.

"Is this proper?" I asked, between kisses, though I didn't care.

"You're going to be my wife. To hell with that."

I laughed and broke the lock of our lips and took him by the hand. "You'll have me in a bed this time, Mr. Walker."

"Yes ma'am." He grinned and allowed me to lead him up the stairs to my room.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"I like Alice for a girl. William for a boy, but Brett can't stand either." Susan chuckled as we sat in her den, sorting through a mountain of freshly laundered baby clothes.

I folded the tiniest white shirt into a neat square and smiled, "What does he like?"

"Charles and James."

"No name for a girl?"

"I asked him that very same question and he said there was no need since I was going to have a boy." She laughed. "We'll see about that won't we?" And she patted her large middle and went back to tucking to matching the booties.

"Not too much longer then?"

"A few weeks, I'm guessing. It's so hard to do anything but lie down and sleep lately. I can't understand how women can do this over and over again." She frowned. "Although I shouldn't be saying that to an innocent like you. For the purpose of procreation and to keep our species going, I'm supposed to lie to you and tell you this is a magical experience."

I laughed at that. "No need, Sue." And then I became serious. "I'm sure when this is all over and you're holding the baby it will all be different."

"So they tell me." She placed another pair of booties in the basket. "Your mother came by yesterday."

This was news to me. Though Ma had been decidedly more civil about the whole Grandmother affair, she was still only talking to Susan and Brett when absolutely necessary.

"She did?"

She noted my surprise. "I know, it shocked me as well, but we sat down and had a perfectly civil conversation over some iced tea. I think she's starting to warm to the idea of the baby. At least I hope she is. I'm not sure I can go the rest of my life with her mad at me over…well, this. Who knew a moment of carelessness could cause so much trouble…" She stopped suddenly and pressed a hand to her mouth. "I suppose I shouldn't be saying stuff like that in front of you either."

"I'm not a child. I know how babies are made."

"Well that's a good thing." She teased, "Considering you are about to be a married woman. Are you planning anything special for the big day?"

I shook my head, "I just want something simple. Ma wants me to wear her dress and then we'll have a reception at the house. Danny will be leaving for training not long after and I don't want the hassle."

She nodded and went quiet. I watched her as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Sue?" I got up and went over to her. "Are you okay?"

"I-"she interrupted herself with a wince and gripped my hand.

I suddenly panicked. "Oh my God. It's time?"

She nodded, her body still clenched.

"Okay, um…" I looked around, frantically trying to find the sense to handle the situation. Brett was at work. My house was a fifteen minute bike ride down the road. We were alone in the house and there were no neighbors close, what was I going to do?

"Where's your phone?"

"Hall…" she said, releasing a breath.

Not sure of what else to do, I grabbed a folded blanket from the pile in the basket and laid over her and then fetched a pillow from the couch. "Darling, here, hold this tight when you feel the pain. I'm going to call Dr. Callison." The idea came to me while the words left my mouth. I remembered I still had Andrew's number in my bag from when we had gone to the prom. I ran to the kitchen where I left the bag and dug through it frantically, finding the scrap of paper at the bottom. I then ran back to the hall and picked up the phone.

The operator came on and told her the number, a moment later it began to ring and it was Andrew himself who picked up.

"Andrew, its Emily…" I told him where I was, what was happening and he called for his father who once again needed the information explained to him. He told me to hold tight and that he would be here soon. He then handed the phone back to Andrew.

"Are you okay? Is there anything you need?"

"Could you get Brett?" I asked. "He works at the maintenance shop in Madison. Fletcher's."

"Okay, I got it. Try to stay calm okay, babies are born every day."

"Yeah." I replied, as if that were a comforting piece of information and hung up the phone.

I went back to Susan, who was pale and covered in sheen of perspiration. I pulled the blanket off of her and helped her stand. "Let's get you into bed." I told her, as gently as a mother to a child.

She nodded, wincing once again as we made our way down the hall to the main bedroom. I let her stop and grip my hand when another contraction hit her. I felt terrible seeing her in so much pain and not knowing any way to fix it. Finally after taking twice as long as we would have normally, I was sitting her down on the bed and helping her take her dress off. Underneath she wore her petticoat and insisted that was all she wanted to be wearing. Not wanting to cause further tension I let her have her way and laid her down onto the cool pillows.

Once I saw her settled, I ran to the kitchen and filled a bowl full of water and grabbed a clean rag from the cupboard. Susan's eyes were closed when I came back in so I set the bowl and rag down on the bureau quietly and began to pace the room, waiting for the doctor to arrive. A few minutes later I heard a firm knock on the front door. I rushed into the living room to open it before it could wake Susan. Dr. Callison, Andrew's tall and lean father, stood there and without missing a beat demanded to know where the patient was.

"In the back room," I said and pointed down the hall. I shut the door and followed him, entering the room as he was instructing Susan to sit up so he could examine her. I quickly went to her and offered my hand which she took with a gracious smile. A few moments, and hand squeezes, later Dr. Callison announced Susan to be 7 centimeters along.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"That your sister-in-law has been in labor for quite some time, I'm guessing. It should be soon." He replied.

I looked to Susan, who shrugged. "I thought it was normal pain." And then she grimaced and gripped my hand again, screaming so loudly I feared I felt the walls shake.

I sent a soothing hand to her head and attempted to comfort her. "Shh…its okay. Just breathe. Take deep breaths."

Dr. Callison rolled his sleeves up. "They'll be coming faster and quicker now. You should leave the room."

"No!" Susan screamed.

"I'm not going anywhere." I told him sternly.

"You're a young unmarried woman; it ain't fittin' to have you in here."

"SHE STAYS!" Susan screamed at him, now in the grips of another pain filled contraction.

Dr. Callison sighed irritably, but chose not to pursue the topic any further. Instead he instructed me to get him some hot water, clean rags and blanket. I repeated the list over and over to myself as I ran from the room and gathered everything up, putting water on the stove to boil. When I came back out of the kitchen on my way to the bedroom the front door swung open and Brett burst inside. He saw me and took me by the shoulders.

"Where is she?!"

"In the bedroom."

He dropped me and ran down the hallway. I was right him.

"Out!" 's voice was loud and adamant as I entered, bundled down with rags and a blanket.

"She's my wife!" Brett fired back.

"A young girl in here is one thing, but I'll be damned if I allow another man in this room when that baby comes out. Now, go!"

Ma then appeared in the doorway, Rafe with her. "Brett." Her voice was soft and she reached for him with a motherly hand. "Take Rafe and go phone your father. He'll want to be here for this."

Reluctantly, Brett looked at our mother and then at Susan before nodding and allowed himself to be led out. Ma handed him off to Rafe and came into the room.

"Emily, your water is boiling. See to it."

"Yes, ma'am." I ran from the room, fetched the water and ran back, barely noticing my brothers and Danny sitting in the living room, surrounded by the baskets of baby clothes that Susan and I had been folding not long ago. When I entered the room, the doctor announced, "It's time."

Ma had taken my place next to Susan and instructed me to set the water down and wet the rags so they would be sufficiently cooled in time for the baby. Dr. Callison then used the water to wash his hands and told me to hold blanket out for him.

"As long as you're here, you might as well be useful." He grumbled. I did as I was told. Going to Susan's feet, blanket ready. As the doctor instructed her to push, and my mother held her hand, I watched in awe as Susan began the task of giving birth. It seemed to take forever, I'm sure to Susan especially, but with Dr. Callison's experience and Susan herself, the progress came.

"A few more pushes should do it, Susan."

Susan groaned, but allowed herself to be propped up by my mother and gave a huge grunt and began to push hard. That's when I saw the baby's head of bright red hair, just like Susan's, come through, and with another push and the doctor's hands, the rest of the body began to emerge.

"It's a girl." He announced and placed my niece in my waiting arms. She was screaming, her little mouth in a wide 'O' voicing her displeasure at the eviction from her warm womb. Tears began to run down my face as I wrapped her up and took her to the bowl to clean her. I wiped her head and little body with the damp rags, marveling at her perfection. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and then just as quickly I remember her mother on the bed, anxious I was sure to see her daughter. I quickly finished, swaddled her and brought her to Susan, fresh as a daisy.

"Oh my God…" Susan said, tears in her eyes as well as she took her daughter into her arms. "Oh God, she's beautiful. You're beautiful, my darling, beautiful…" she kissed the baby's head and the little one gave a little sigh of content at her mother's touch.

Ma put a hand to her granddaughter's head, stroking the strawberry colored curls lovingly. I saw tears in her eyes as well and knew that all of the reservations she may have had about Susan and the baby were now a distant memory.

"What will you name her?" she asked.

Without looking up, without a moment to pause and think, Susan replied, "Emma. Emma, after her aunt Emily.

Fresh tears came to my eyes and Ma's arms came around me, kissing me on the cheek. "I think that's perfect."

I hugged Susan, as best as I could with her lying down and the baby in her arms. Then I kissed Emma, my beautiful niece and namesake, and then I went back into my mother's arms and hugged her tight.

"I think you've found your calling, my Dear." She whispered in my ear as she held me close. "I think you've found your calling."

* * *

"It was so amazing, Danny." I said as I cuddled next to him in the porch swing later on that night. The crickets were chirping, the stars were shining bright and the happiness about the new baby was all around us. "I felt like I was useful, part of something bigger than myself."

He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"I could be a nurse." I concluded.

"You definitely could." He replied, his voice warm and sincere.

I turned and smiled up at him. "Are you just saying that?"

"I mean every word of it. You're a naturally carrying person. You're smart, why stop at being nurse. Be a doctor."

I laughed and kissed him.

"I'm being serious," he told me.

"One step at a time." I said and turned back around to cuddle closer to him.

His soft sweet lips came down and brush against my ear, "Dr. Emily Walker has a nice ring to it…"he whispered and then held me tighter.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

The movement on the other end of the bed stirred me from the peaceful and sound slumber I had been in. I opened my eyes and scanned my room in the dark, my eyes coming to rest on Danny as he was buckling his belt. He felt my eyes on him and looked up.

"Morning." He whispered.

I smiled. What a risk that had been, one that had been well worth it my opinion I thought as I remembered the night before. Shortly after everyone else had gone to bed and I was nearly asleep in my own bed he had let himself into my room and silenced my protests with passionate and demanding kisses. The risk of being caught had only seemed to add to the tryst. I struggled to stay quiet throughout each caress of his hands and brush of his lips. My heart raced each time the bedsprings would creak. Then we had fallen asleep, wrapped in one another's arms, my head resting on his chest and I felt what I could only describe as Heaven. I didn't want it to end.

"Don't leave." I told him, hushed as he slipped his t-shirt on.

He smiled. "I don't see it turning out well for either of us if I stay."

"Three more days until we're married, why does it matter?" I could feel myself burning for his body next to mine again.

He finished dressing and crawled quietly back onto the bed, capturing my eyes with his own deep chocolate ones. "It matters to those who think we shouldn't be doing this until we're married."

"Prudes." I replied and pulled him to me. I wasn't wearing anything beneath the blanket that covered me and invited him with an arching of my back to acknowledge that fact for himself. He couldn't resist and pushed the blanket aside, cupping a breast in his hand, brushing his thumb over the peak. I sighed into his neck and let myself fall back down on the soft pillow beneath me.

"You aren't playing fair." He managed to say between moving from my lips to my collar bone. My reply was to start tugging at the shirt that he had just gone through the hassle of putting on.

An hour later I finally allowed him to creep out of my room. The light of the sun was on the horizon and a new day was upon us. I dressed and ran a brush through my hair. I came down the stairs to the smell of toast and coffee. No one was around so I snagged a piece of toast for myself from the oven and quickly drank a cup of orange juice before I went out the door. I was due at the church to meet with the reverend about the ceremony. I took my bike and enjoyed the coolness of the morning, noting the sweet smell of autumn that was in the air. I made it to the church quicker than I had anticipated. The doors were still locked and there was no sign of Reverend Arnold so I sat down on the steps and pulled a book out of my hand bag.

"Emily!"

I looked up from the page only a few moments later to the sounds of Andrew's car pulling up in the parking lot.

"Hey." I said, shutting the book and standing. "You're up and about early this morning."

He put the shiny Ford in Park and got out, leaving the engine going. "I could say the same thing about you. Today's not the day is it?" he joked with a grin. "You look a little under dressed for the occasion."

"No. It's not. Of course you would know that if you had responded to my invitation."

He looked sheepish. "Hey, now, I can't be held responsible for that. You know I'm leaving for school tomorrow."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't deny that had disappointed me.

"But, that's not the reason I wanted to talk to you. My Dad was real impressed with the way you handled yourself when he delivered your sister-in-law's baby."

"He was?"

"Yeah, so much in fact he told me last night that he'd like to have you on in the office answering the phones and making appointments…and occasionally helping him out. He thinks you've got a knack for dealing with patients and if you're willing to make a career out of it, he'd like to help."

My hands were shaking more and more bit by bit as each word left his mouth. I had never felt such excitement or such elation from a single spoken paragraph. I was so shocked, my tongue so knotted, I couldn't answer him.

"Em?" he looked amused.

"Wha—oh, I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard. He really said that?"

"Yeah." He laughed.

"I…"I scrambled to find the right words, but Lord help me, I was at a loss for a coherent thought. "I'm…I'm getting married."

He seemed to understand the entire meaning I had behind that statement. "Oh yeah, I told him that. Danny is off for training soon isn't he? Well he said this will give you something to do while he's gone and when he comes back and ya'll move you'll have a reference from him if you need it." He rubbed his jaw and came closer to me. "You know Doll; in all honesty, if I were you I'd take it. My Dad has an eye for this sort of thing. I mean if it weren't for him telling me so, I doubt I would have the courage to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor. If he sees that you've got a gift, odds are you do."

"Yes!"

"Yeah?" he was pleased.

"Yes, of course!" I threw my arms around him, swinging myself off my toes as I hugged him fiercely. "This is just…Danny and I were talking about this very thing not long ago and I said I felt like it was for me," I faced him. "But I never expected this to happen."

"Well I'm glad I could surprise you…well, that my dad could, but I'm happy to the messenger." He gave me another smile and I gave him a playful hit in return. Reverend Arnold's car pulled into the space beside Andrew's and he got out, tilting his hat towards us.

"Pardon my tardiness." He apologized.

"Don't mind it." I told him and gave Andrew another smile and then quick hug. "Thank you." I whispered "And thank your father. I can start as soon as Danny leaves."

He patted my back slowly and whispered a "You're welcome." In reply. I pulled back, smiled once more and grabbed my things, following Reverend Arnold inside the church. Failing to see the look on Andrew's face as I did so. Not knowing that his smile slowly became a frown or that he pushed an impulsive demand down so far inside of himself where he hoped it would never surface. He was a gentleman, he wouldn't overstep the boundary that had be laid before him and so with a wave and whisper of a good-bye that I didn't hear, he got into his still running car and left.

* * *

"Ma!" I yelled as I pulled the bike up to the porch an hour and half later, putting the kick stand in place and running up the steps in a very unladylike fashion. "Ma!" I knew she would be the only one home. Danny was seeing to his own pre wedding preparations, Rafe and Dad were working. I walked into the house, calling for her again as I set my things down on the bench.

"In here." She replied. I heard the voice from the dining room and walked towards it, bursting with the news of the new job, ready for her to share in the excitement, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her. My smile fading, my hand clutching the door frame, I saw her sitting at the table, a saucer and cup of tea before her and next to her, straitlaced and prim…

"Aunt Edith."

**Kind of a short installment, but it seemed good to end with a bit of a cliffhanger lol. Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter coming soon!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

The arrival of my Aunt Edith didn't go exactly the way one might think it would have. She didn't pull me aside to talk, nor did she make any references to the letter she had written to me. In fact she was as sweet as pecan pie to me. It shouldn't have surprised me. Aunt Edith was nothing if not a good actress. She believed that putting a good face on even the ugliest situations was the best way in which to deal with them. When my father remarked on her abrupt appearance she simply gave him a warm smile, winked at me and replied, "You know how I like to make an entrance, Jake." She always had a smile plastered to her face whenever Danny entered a room and always had something kind to say to him. It made me fume.

The evening before the wedding came and she still had yet to breathe a word to me about her letter and by that point the entire business was making me very grouchy. I grumbled through my final dress fitting, where my grandmother scolded me for slouching and stuck me with a pin. I was silent through the baking of the cake and hor d'overs and was both when Danny took me for a walk that afternoon.

"Most brides can't stop smiling before their wedding." He told me as we passed a fenced in field with a few horses grazing within it. I stopped and stared at them, though not really seeing much within my gaze.

"Sorry." I mumbled, turning my back to him. Bless him, but he had been patient with my bad attitude, I just couldn't shake it though. As much as I loved the woman, I didn't trust her. The wedding butterflies were only adding to it and then the fact that only a few weeks from now, Danny would be leaving for his basic training, it was almost too much to deal with. His arms came around me just as I felt like I was going to break.

"Don't worry." He whispered into my ear.

"I can't help it."

His arms crossed around my waist and I leaned back into him, thankful for the warmth of the embrace. He didn't need to say anything to calm my nerves. Just having him there worked all on its own. I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled. He had a smile and a kiss waiting for me in reply. We started back for my house after that, walking hand in hand and in a comfortable silence the entire way. As we approached the house the front door opened and Susan came out. My sister-in-law was back to her slim self a mere six weeks after giving birth and was looking quite lovely as she came down the steps to meet us, her arms crossed and playful look on her face.

"You're cutting it a bit close don't you think? As soon as that sun sets you're in bad luck territory."

"Bad luck?" Danny asked.

"You know, seeing the bride the night before the wedding. Bad luck." She teased and then reached for me, "You're staying at our house tonight, Danny. Rafe and Brett will be there with you. We're not going to risk any sort of less than good luck on you two. No go on and pack a bag and don't forget your suit." She shooed him inside and then put an arm around my shoulder and guided me up on to the porch. "No more sadness, Emily. I know you're feeling a bit melancholy since Hurricane Edith made her entrance, but you don't need to be. Nothing and I mean nothing is going to stop your wedding from happening."

I couldn't help but laugh at her overly optimistic attitude. I didn't know where it had come from, but frankly I didn't want to argue. It was a comfort to know that someone felt so strongly about it. I let the good feelings that she and Danny had cast upon me carrying me through that night and in to the morning, which dawned bright and beautiful through the eyelet lace curtains of my bedroom window.

I sat up on my elbows and surveyed the weather thoughtfully before looking over at Charlotte, my self proclaimed bridesmaid, who had spent the night and fallen asleep next to me in the bed. She had kept me well distracted with her constant chatter until well past midnight. I marveled at the fact that I had woken up as early as I had. The ceremony was at 11 and the clock on my nightstand read just after 7. I knew it was time to start getting ready. Just as my feet came down on the cool floor my door opened and Susan came in, her hair caught up in curlers and Emma nestled in her arms.

"Oh good, you're up. It's time to get ready."

"I know, I was just-"

"Charlotte." She cut me off and roused the sleeping Charlotte from her slumber, "Here take the baby, I'm going to run the bath for Emily."

The baby was passed to Charlotte who cooed at the sight of her while Susan pulled me up and grabbed my robe. She ushered me out the door and into the bathroom where the bath was started and I was ordered to get in and wash my hair. I wasn't given any time to enjoy the relaxing warm water or the lavender scented soap that she gave me. Ten minutes later I was back in my room, wrapped in my robe and pushed into a seat at my vanity while she fussed over my hair. She towel dried it and then brushed the curls to a golden shine before the pins came out. Charlotte cuddled the baby on the bed and offered occasional encouragement to Susan. Then my mother entered, the wedding gown draped carefully in her arms, not a wrinkle in sight. It was a gorgeous dress. The same that she had worn on her wedding day and kept carefully wrapped in tissue in her bedroom closet for the last twenty-five years, waiting for me. We had to alter it slightly to fit me. She had after all been in a delicate way when she had worn it, but now it fit me perfectly.

As soon as Susan finished with my hair, I stood and let her and my mother help me in to the dress. It was ivory silk and lace with sleeves that touched my elbows and sash that tied under my breasts. I felt as lovely as a princess once the last snap had been snapped and dared to look at myself in the mirror.

"Danny is going to have a fit when he sees you." Charlotte said, handing the baby back over to Susan.

"I agree. You look beautiful, Emily." Susan smiled.

I thanked them both and then caught my mother's eye and saw the tears sparkling within them. "Ma…"

"Oh don't mind me. I'm just doing what mother's do best." She pulled a hankie from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. I smiled and felt tears in my own eyes. "Alright then." She clapped her hands together, "It's time for the rest of us to get ready." She ushered the other girls out of the room and then gave me a quick and careful hug so as not to crease my dress before she left the room. I settled back down on my bed, afraid to do much else. After a moment I started to reach for a book on my nightstand, but was interrupted by my door opening. Much to my chagrin, it was Aunt Edith who stuck her perfectly coifed head in.

"Well look at you." she commented, clearly pleased with my appearance.

I stared at her.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to start anything, I swear. You know where I stand on this and I'm not going to bring it up, especially now…at this moment." She let herself in and shut the door and then turned to look at me again. "You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen."

Still, I said nothing. My aunt was never one to let a lack of conversation stop her from talking.

"I want you to know that as soon as I sent that letter I felt terrible about it. No matter how I felt about your news, you didn't deserve that. I knew the only way to make it right would be to come here myself and tell you so. I don't agree, Emily. I'm sorry, I can't. Not when I've seen what marriage has done to a million girls before you, but if this is what you want…"

"It is!" I rose to my feet, ready and waiting to be on the defensive. "I love Danny."

"I can see that." She replied in an annoyingly calm voice. "I just don't see why it can't wait."

"I told you why! If you had bothered to read my letter without steam shooting out of your ears maybe you'd remember that. "

"I know I know, joining the army, wanting to take you with him. Do you know how many girls I knew that fell for that during the War.? Most of them never even left the county, let alone the country! You going to end up just like them, Emily. Your dreams are going to be just an arm's length away and then you're suddenly yanked away from them by morning sickness and aching breasts. You're going to pop out a baby every year until you dry up and your husband won't want you anymore!"

"Get out!" I screamed at her, "Get out! Leave and just don't come back!"

"Have I hit a nerve then? I'm not ignorant you know, I can see that you're no blushing bride today. You know exactly what tonight will bring because you've been there before. You're scared it's already happened? Scared your dreams are already gone!"

The urge to slap her was hard to contain after she said that. My fists were clenched so tightly I could feel the beautiful manicure Charlotte had given me the night before, painfully dig into my palms. The harsh jab was repeating itself over and over again in my head and I just wanted to reach out and release my anger on her.

"Is everything okay in here?" Charlotte, thankfully, chose that moment to walk into my room and I felt an immediate relief of tension at the sight of her. Edith's gaze shot to my friend and she immediately smiled.

"Yes, Charlotte, perfectly fine. I was just giving Emily my love on her special day."

Charlotte raised a skeptical eyebrow, but said nothing and allowed my aunt to exit the room. She shut the door safely behind her and then turned to me. "What on earth?"

"Don't…" but the tears were already brimming in my eyes. Heedless of my dress, my best friends arms were quickly around me.

"Shh…darling, its okay."

"She's horrible!" I sobbed.

"I know, she is. I heard. Try to forget it if you can."

We both knew that wasn't going to happen and in response, my tears came faster and stronger. She clutched me and attempted to stroke a hand through the curls of my hair.

"Listen to me," she said after a long moment of tears. I was pushed up to an arms length and handed a tissue, "She might be right when she says that things never turn out for most girls, but Emily, you are not most girls. You were one of , if not the smartest in our class. You make the best of every situation and thanks to your brothers you have the strength of a bull," at that I laughed, "I've never been married, but I know that the step alone is a huge one, but you're not marrying just anyone, you're marrying one of your best friends. This man knows you better than I do and whatever happens over the next fifty years, good or bad, tragic or wonderful, he will be there. And he will always be pushing you to succeed. Your aunt doesn't see that because guys like Danny aren't very common. She thinks he's just another male set out to oppress women, when he's the complete opposite. " she brushed away a tear soaked lock of hair and smiled at me, "Everything is going to turn out your way, I know it will."

* * *

Charlotte's words gave me the push I needed to get up and wipe my eyes. She cleaned me up, fixed my hair and walked with me the down the stairs to meet up with the rest of my family. On the ride to the church she held my hand and when the music began to play and I walked down the aisle towards a beaming Danny, she was right behind me.

I went to the altar that day with a knot in my stomach created from someone else's reservations, but I managed to push it away long enough to declare my love for Danny in front of my friends, family, and God and vow to love him forever. After I said my vows and the ring had been put on my finger I found the knot gone and replaced with a feeling of hope and warmth. When the reverend pronounced us man and wife I found myself in his arms within a half a second, kissing him for all of the world to see, especially my Aunt Edith.

m


	19. Chapter 19

**Welcome to all the new "likers"! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying my story. Review if you can, and feed my ego ;)**

Chapter Nineteen

October 1938

Oh how quickly those next few weeks went by.

For our honeymoon we spent a week in Nashville. We stayed at a beautiful hotel that Danny's aunt and uncle graciously paid for and enjoyed the food and sites and even went back to the club we had visited over the summer and danced until our feet couldn't hold us up any longer. Being referred to as "Mr. and Mrs. Walker" sent my heart fluttering. Being his wife was just as wonderful as I had imagined it would be. There was barely a moment in that week where he wasn't by my side. It was almost as if I could hear the seconds ticking away to the moment that he was going to leave me and I wanted to embrace every moment that we had together. I perched myself on the edge of the tub and watched him shave in the mornings, craved his arms around me at night and in the early mornings when the sun golden rays had barely begun to peek through the windows, with my ear to his chest, I memorized the beats of his heart and let the sweet echo lull me into a state of contented nirvana.

My aunt was as far from my mind as she could be during that week and even after we arrived home I vowed to keep it that way. When my mother brought her up the afternoon we got back over tea, I politely refused to acknowledge the subject and then began to talk about the weather as soon as she had finished speaking. I wasn't going to let her, or the thought of her, ruin the time I had with Danny. I would welcome her with open arms if she ever decided to change her mind and apologize, but until that moment happened she would be left in the very back of my mind where she couldn't cause me anymore grief.

The night before he and Rafe were due to leave for their basic training in South Carolina, Danny and I sat out on the porch swing in the crisp autumn night, under a full moon, wrapped in one another's arms. My mother had out down herself with a baked turkey dinner and after I had finished helping her clean up I had joined him outside, realizing that the departure hour was fast approaching.

His hand held mine and lazily he fiddled with my wedding ring. I snuggled into his shoulder, listening to the crickets chirp, trying to memorize and lock in what I presumed to be one of our last moments together for some time, at least until he graduated from his basic military training in December. It would be right before Christmas and the recruiter had told both him and Rafe they would probably be given leave for the holiday. I hoped it would be true. If that were the case maybe he could just come home with me after the graduation. His pilot training would start right after the New Year in January and continue for nine months before he would be released to his first base. That's when we could finally be together again.

It seemed like forever.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Nothing really." I replied, turning to him with a smile, "What are you thinking about?"

"About this next year and how it's going to be slow as hell."

I giggled. "It won't be as bad as you think. You'll have Rafe to keep you company. The recruiter saw to that didn't he. What did he call it, the buddy program?"

"Yes, but he doesn't smell nearly as good as you do." He teased and kissed the tip of my nose. "People might find it odd if I hold him like this too."

"That I can't argue with." I agreed. He laughed, his eyes shining bright and warm. Inside the house I could hear someone turn on the radio and the sound of Edward Murrow's voice begin the evening news. His first report on Europe and Adolf Hitler grabbed my attention. Ever since Rafe had brought the subject up all those months ago, I was more aware of the German Chancellor and his Nazi party. I looked over at Danny as Mr. Murrow spoke about something called the Munich Agreement, but despite the neutral words of his report, his voice gave away the emotion of worry. Danny's hand came down on my back as I slid forward on the swing to get a better hearing vantage through the open window. He waited until the report drifted to a lighter topic before he spoke.

"You don't need to worry about that."

"Rafe is." I replied.

"That's not our fight and if it turns into it, it's not our war. Roosevelt won't have it." He told me, calmly, referring to the president.

"But what if—"I began, but was quickly silence by the shake of his head.

"Don't dwell on it, Em. It has nothing to do with Rafe or I. We won't be going anywhere anytime soon."

I wondered silently if he really believed that or if he was saying that to make me and himself feel better, but at the risk of going down a road I didn't want to travel, I kept my mouth closed. Instead I smiled at him and settled back down in the swing. I wasn't going to make this night an ugly one. It was our last one together for some time and I wanted a good memory to hold me over until we were reunited.

It was raining the next morning when all of us arrived at the train station. Aside from Rafe and Danny and myself, my parents were there, Brett, Susan and the baby and even Charlotte had tagged along, presumably for my benefit. I smiled at her as she stood back from the family pack, near the doorway that led back into the station. She smiled back and then settled herself on a bench under the eaves to protect herself from the light shower that was falling from the sky.

Under my umbrella Danny and I stepped away from my family and as the drops of rain drummed on the umbrella above us he took me into his arms and held me close. I blinked away the tears that wanted to surface and tried to push them as far down as I could. I was determined not to spoil our good-bye with a wet and swollen face.

"You'll take care of yourself." He advised me in a soft tone.

I pushed down more tears and whispered, "Yes, of course. And you'll do the same."

"Yes."

For whatever reason, hearing him say that, acknowledging that we would be apart and that he would be on his own, broke down the dam that was holding my sorrow and I began to unleash a torrent of tears that rivaled the rain shower that was falling from the sky above us. I fell into his arms and let the sobs come forth.

"I can't do this. I don't want to let you."

He held me back, his fingers tips on my face brushing away the tears.

"Hey, you know what this is?"

I shook my head, still crying.

He smiled, «This is the beginning. The beginning of our lives together. Without this step, however large it might be, we wouldn't be able to do anything else. A year from now, ten years from now, we'll be where we're supposed to be because we took this step today. It will be worth it. Worth all the tears, all the heartache, I promise."

I nodded, but the tears still flowed from my eyes unabated. He looked pained and began to dig in his pocket and after a moment pulled out a tissue wrapped packaged and pressed it into my hand. "I got it in Atlanta." He told me as my tears vacated and my eyes filled with question. Curious, I began to unwrap it and soon located a beautiful gold locket beneath the wrapping. It shone bright and polished in its nest of white paper and I ran my finger tip across its surface, admiring the detail of the center engraving of a flower and the lace motif that surrounded it. Consumed with love and gratitude I jumped into his arms and wrapped my arms tightly around him.

"I love it."

"You'll put my picture in it, right?"

I laughed at his teasing and pulled away. "Since you're the one who gave it to me, I suppose it's only fair."

"Danny." Rafe's voice suddenly spoke up from beside us. I hadn't even heard him approach. "It's about that time."

I looked around and noticed that the station platform had become less crowded and the train was in its final preparations to depart. When my eyes went back to Danny I saw the shadow of regret upon his face before he pulled me to him for one final hug. My mother had appeared behind me when we finally parted. I held the tears back and the locket tightly in my fist as I sank back into her maternal embrace and watched my husband follow my brother onto the train. He turned around one final time before he boarded and gave me a smile. In it I suddenly passed back to years before. I saw distinctly that moment in the upstairs bathroom when our gazes found one the other for the first time, our first kiss under the moonlight, the night of his father's funeral…I prayed for those memories to hold me over until I saw him again.

And then he was gone. Up the steps to the car and behind the door the conductors was now locking. I turned into my mother, refusing to watch the train roll away. She patted my back softly and promised that the weeks would go by fast.

I hoped she was right.

* * *

A few days later, I was better. Not completely recovered, but I felt a great deal better than I had that morning and I said as much when I walked in Doctor Callison's office on Monday morning at nine o'clock, ready and excited to begin working.

"Did he arrive safety then?" Dr. Callison asked as he took my sweater and hung it on the rack near the door.

"I haven't heard from him yet, but I'm sure they did."

"That's admirable work, I will say. My brother Hank was in the army during the Great War. Stayed in after it was over too, he calls himself a "Career Solider". "

I smiled. "I believe that's what Danny is hoping for."

"Well I'll hope for the best then. Now, here is your desk…"

He led me to a nicely polished oak desk in the corner, bare except for a calendar and cup of pencils. He began to explain my duties of scheduling appointments and assisting him during procedures and exams when needed. I was given my uniform, a simple gray dress with cuffed sleeves and white apron to go over it. I would have to purchase white stockings and shoes to go with it, but for that day Dr. Callison allowed me to wear what I had come in wearing.

My first week working was busy which I was grateful for. It kept my mind off of missing Danny and it felt good knowing that I was finally getting the chance to do something I loved, which was in turn helping me along to my greater goal. Dr. Callison had promised the training I would receive working for him would greatly help me later on in nursing school and in turn help me get to work faster.

That first week I helped set a broken leg, gave an eye exam and assisted with my second labor and birth for Mrs. Thurber's fourth baby. It was a little boy, her first after three girls.

"What will you call him?" I asked after she and the baby had been cleaned and the doctor had left her room to speak with her husband.

"Michael," she said, not taking her eyes off of the chubby cheeked bundle in her arms, "A good strong name, don't you think?"

"He'll need it," I agreed, "With all of those sisters."

She chuckled and kissed little Michael's forehead. "It's so strange to think that nine months ago this little creature was making me dreadfully sick every morning, making my insides cramp horribly, and now he's here and I hold no grudge against him."

"Every morning?" I asked.

"Yes, oh God yes. The others had never made me so ill. Strangely enough it was the first clue that I was expecting.

I could feel the smile on my face freeze as she said that. My mind went to that morning and the two before. The vomiting in the morning and the nausea that lingered for the rest of the day. I told myself it was my nerves. Danny and Rafe leaving, starting my first job; nerves. It didn't occur to me until that very moment that…that it could have been anything more.

I raced home that evening on my bicycle and dropped it as soon as I reached my porch and raced up to my room without a word to anyone. I sat on the floor by my bed tried my best to count, tried to remember the beginning of my last cycle. As many times as I thought it out, wrote it down and counted I kept coming up with the same answer.

"No,no, no..." I muttered to myself. "No, no, no…"


	20. Chapter 20

I was pregnant. As much as I wanted not to be, I was and was consistently reminded of that fact. As the days went on I found the nausea becoming worse and more persistent. Every morning when I woke, when I caught the scent of a certain something, when I stood up too fast. It was absolutely terrible. What was worse were the pains in my abdomen and my tight and heavy breasts. I was exhausted, nauseous and in pain and yet I didn't say anything to anyone. Though it seems silly, I would have kept the secret forever if I could have been able. That wasn't the case though.

It was the second week in October.

For breakfast there had been biscuits and bacon gravy. The scent of the gravy from the pan was nauseating enough, but once a plate was put in front of me it took all the self-control I could find not to vomit on the spot. I picked at my food, nibbling a biscuit to keep up appearances, but was off to the safety of the bathroom once my parents left the house to begin their chores for the day.

With my hand gripping my middle and my other holding my hair back I kneeled on the bathroom floor, throwing the contents of my stomach into the commode. When I finally felt somewhat normal again I lifted my head and suddenly realized that I had left the door open…and that my father was standing in the way.

"Dad—" I began in a hoarse voice, my throat still burning, the taste of my regurgitated breakfast still fresh in my mouth, but he waved a hand to hush me and came into the bathroom, shutting the door. I watched silently as he grabbed a towel from the cupboard and wetted it in the sink. He handed the perfectly folded rectangle over to me which I pressed against my mouth.

"Your mother was the same way with you, couldn't keep anything down. Sometimes not even water" he sat on the edge of the tub, "She lost so much weigh the first few months the doctor wanted to put her into a hospital. Of course she refused, said it was going to take a lot more than that to keep her away from her boys." He smiled at the memory while I stared at him in silent disbelief.

"Bless her; your brothers didn't help matters. I started to take them out with me when I flew for a job. We'd come home to her fast asleep on the couch. You seem to still have your energy though, consider yourself lucky."

"Are you very mad at me?"

"Now why on earth would I be mad?"

I ran a hand through my tangled curls and closed my eyes, "Because I didn't tell you."

"You're a married woman now. Who you tell and when is your business entirely. I must say I would have preferred to hear it from you rather than figure it out for myself right now, but that's neither here nor there. "He rubbed the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. "You haven't told Danny yet have you?"

I shook my head.

"Why not, he'll be pleased."

My silence answered what confidence I held in that notion.

"You don't think so?"

"This wasn't the plan." I replied, "This wasn't even a distant plan."

"Well God seems to think otherwise." He said tenderly. "And I must say I like this plan much better than yours. That sweet little Emma has definitely warmed me up to the idea of being a grandpa. It's all the good without any of the awful smells." He joked and I couldn't help but smile.

"I just don't think I'm ready for this."

"No one ever is, Emmy. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle though, does He?"

"I suppose not."

He put a comforting hand on me and gave my shoulder a loving pat. "You'll be just fine. You'll get everything you wanted and then some."

"Dad, women don't have babies and then work. That's just not the way that things are done."

"And why not?"

"It…I don't know. It just isn't."

"So change the rules. You never followed them before. You've let the fact that you're a female stop you from doing anything, why now?"

I shook my head. He was right. I sat back against the wall and crossed my legs, feeling one hundred percent better than I had only a few moments ago. I smoothed my hair down and looked to him, a shower of optimism cascading over me.

"I'm sure my son in law will feel the same."

At the mention of the root of my worry, I bit my lip. As much as I loved him, as much as knew he loved me, I had no idea how he would react to this news, and that scared me.

Dad helped me clean myself up and drove me to work in his truck. I spent the entire day sitting at my desk thinking about everything. Dad had insisted that I tell Ma, sooner rather than later and that consumed most of my thoughts, thinking about what to say.

That night, while she prepped the turkey for dinner the next day I watched her from a safe corner of the kitchen. She didn't seem to notice my silence and went about her business with the bird. After she put it in the ice box and went to the sink to wash her hands I took my chance.

"Ma?"

"Yes?" she rinsed the soap off and reached for a towel on the counter.

I paused. Lord, what was I going to say? How was I going to do this…

"I'm going to have a baby." I spit it out fast.

I watched her slowly turn towards me, he face suddenly pale. "Excuse me?"

"I'm pregnant." My head fell in shame as soon as I said it, all of my courage flooding out of me like water on a rapid.

"You're what?" but she didn't wait for me to answer. "How…since when?"

"Since…since I was."

"How long?"

I estimated that I was about 8 or 9 weeks along, something I was hesitant to say considering I had been married a little over a month.

"A couple of months." I finally said. The words hit her like a bag of bricks and I watched with a knot in my stomach as she gripped the sink. Her eyes were wide and shooting daggers my way.

"Exactly how long?" she demanded through gritted teeth.

"Nine…nine weeks or so. I'm not exactly-"

"TWO MONTHS?!" she screamed. Hearing my mother, my kind and composed mother scream was another blow to my emotional armor. I sank back further against the wall, wanting to cry, wanting to vomit, wanting to be anywhere but there at that moment. When my father came running in at the noise he saw me gripping the wall and my mother breathing fire.

"Patty—"

But there was no calming her. She turned to him and immediately let loose, "Don't! Did you know about this? Did you? I swear Jacob McCawley I will bring the roof on this house down if you kept this from me!"

"Calm yourself!" he replied firmly. "What has the girl done?"

"Gone and gotten herself pregnant! Defied me and you and the Good Lord above by sinning before she was married."

I don't think the thought of that had occurred to my father until that moment for he cut a quick look to me that meant to question the statement, but realizing he would lose what little grip he had on the argument, he let it go. "If you'll remember, Wife, we-"

"THIS is different!"

"They're married now. We weren't even married we found out. I'd call that progress."

"Well I call it throwing a perfectly good life away!" she retorted and then turned to me. "You've really done it, Emily. Edith was right. Your chances are gone. Everything you had you threw away! You'll have nothing now! NOTHING!"

That was the final blow. Tears welled in my eyes, my hands shook and the bile swelled in my throat. I rushed passed her, passed my father and through the back door, retreating in the cold dark night, running as far as I could before I couldn't hold it anymore and vomited what little food I had on my stomach into a bush. Staggering I sat myself down against a tree and hugged myself through the thin dress I wore. I cursed my mother, cursed God, and even cursed the innocent baby in my womb for doing this to me.

As I cried and cursed and felt the world around me falling, I suddenly stopped. I felt warmth come over me and dam the flow of tears.

This wasn't the end.

My father was right; if anyone could make this successful it was ME! I was the first valictorian in our small high schools history. I had paved the road to become a nurse without even really trying, I could do this! I could have everything and be a mother too.

And I would be a damn good one! I would never tell my child their life was over simply because a path hadn't worked for them. I would help them pave a new path and with Danny by my side as their father, anything would be possible.

Still shaking from the tears. I got up and brushed myself off. With all the elegance of a princess. I walked back to my house, up the back porch and in through the kitchen door. My mother and father were both at the table, him comforting her, when I walked in.

"I know you're upset." I said to her as she looked up at me with tear stained eyes, "But I am doing this. I will be a nurse and I will be a great one, but I will also be a great mother. Maybe the way this baby came to be isn't ideal or morally right, but I'm not the first girl who has done it and I certainly won't be the last. I married Danny and it wasn't because I had to. I married him because I love him with all the love that I have inside of me.

"I was scared to tell you before, but now I don't know why. You were upset about Emma, but as Dad told me nothing about her coming into this world has been bad. She has been a blessing to this family and my baby will be too."

"Emily—"

I held up a hand and shook my head, "_This_ is what I'm doing. I will tell Danny the moment I see him again in December. He will come home, I will tell him and we will all have a Merry Christmas together…as a family."

My mom looked from me to my father and then back at me again with intense doubt in her eyes.

"Fine." She replied. That was it, not an apology no reassurance. I waited for a long moment too wondering if she would, but she just sat there staring at me. Finally I looked her directly in the eye and gave a curt nod.

"Glad that's settled. Good night." I kissed my father on the cheek and then left the room.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you so much for the reviews and the new Likes and Follows! It's awesome stuff like that that keeps me going with this story! Hope you enjoy...even if its a rather short chapter ;) Happy New Year!**

Chapter Twenty-One

The time that followed that intense moment in the kitchen was not pleasant. My mother and I engaged ourselves in a fierce battle of silence. I spoke to her only when necessary and she hardly spoke to me at all. My poor father, living among two feuding women must have been miserable. It didn't help that the line of communication from my mother to me always went through him. I honestly don't know how he put up with it without going completely mad.

In early November, four weeks after I had broken the news I found a letter from my Aunt Edith in the mailbox. I didn't even have to open it to know that my mother had told her about me. The anger was practically dripping from the envelope. When I went inside and found her sitting in her chair, knitting needles in hand I threw it on the table next to her and thanked her for discretion on the matter. I could get over the fact that she had told my aunt, she would have found out anyway, but the fact that she couldn't wait until I told Danny, my husband and the baby's father about it, angered me to an unforeseeable point. She also told Susan who in turn told Brett who in turn confronted me with his congratulations when I arrived home from work about a week after the letter situation.

"My sister is going to be a Mama!" he boomed the second he saw me walk into the house. Before I could even attempt to shut him up he swept me up in a hug and swung me around.

"Brett please, I'm already nauseous!"

He laughed and set me carefully back down. After giving me a once over he gave me a fierce hug. "This is the best news, Em."

"Tell that to Ma." I said as he released me to shed my scarf and coat. "Where is she anyway?"

"Upstairs." He replied. "She mentioned a headache."

I kept my clever comeback to myself and instead focused my attention on Susan who I spied in the living room holding a bouncy Emma in her arms. I cooed over my niece. Kissed her sweet head of golden curls, forgetting for just a moment about everything that was going on in my life.

Later that night when I was alone in my room, I curled up on my bed and read Danny's most recent letter to me. That coupled with the picture on my nightstand ebbed the pain that had been present since he left. I lay the letter down on the bed and returned the hand to my middle. I wondered if it was a boy or a girl. I wondered if that would matter to him.

There was a sudden soft knock on my door that brought me out of my thoughts and I slowly rose from my bed and smoothed my pajamas out before I opened it. To my surprise my mother stood there. She was in her robe, her hair brushed back in a simple braid. Her stature was innocent, but I still kept my guard up.

"Yes?"

She opened her mouth about to reply and then stopped and closed it again.

"Ma, what is it?" I asked again, becoming ruffled.

She shook her head finally. "Nothing. Good night."

And then she disappeared into the dark hallway. I shut the door and shook my head. For a moment I thought just maybe she had come around. That maybe she would apologize. It seemed I was wrong. Attempting to shake it off I went back to my bed and continued reading Danny's letter before I fell asleep.

* * *

The weeks went by fast as Thanksgiving approached. The day before the holiday that I had eagerly began to look forward to, simply because my morning sickness had finally left, I got a surprise visitor at work.

Dr. Callison had gone out on a call and left me to, as he said "keep the ship afloat". I took the opportunity to clean up around the office. I was just putting the last of the papers in the file cabinet when Andrew walked in. Presumably home from college for Thanksgiving he gave my hair a tug to signal his arrival and laughed when I whirled around, startled.

"God, don't do that!"

He laughed again and gave a less than meaniful apology. "Where's the old man?" he then asked, referring to his father.

"Out, but he'll back soon."

"Look at you." He changed the subject, "The uniform suits you. Much better than the old lady who was wearing it before."

"Thank you." I smiled.

"How are things?" he invited me to sit down at my own desk while he pulled a chair up beside it.

"Fine," I replied, pausing to decide whether or not to tell him my news. I knew I could trust him not to say anything, but at the same time…

"How's Danny getting along? Rafe?"

"They're fine. Army life apparently suits them both. They'll be home the second week of December."

"Just in time for Christmas."

I nodded. An awkward pause followed, as if we had both forgotten how to carry on a conversation. I felt like I needed to tell him and maybe he felt like there was something I needed to say.

"Andrew…" I finally started.

"You're pregnant." He finished.

Dumbfounded I stared at him. "What? …How did-you're father told you?"

"Yeah he might of mentioned it." He shifted in his seat.

"I asked him not to say anything to anyone."

"He didn't outright say it. He just mentioned something about needing someone to cover for you in the spring and summer. I think my training in medicine put the rest together."

I read the expression on his face,"You were hoping to come here today and ask me and that I would tell you you were wrong, weren't you?"

He suddenly sat up in his chair, signaling that the light and friendly conversation between us was now over.

"It's none of my business." He replied. There was no hiding the iciness that has his voice had taken.

"You're my friend; you have a right to your opinion."

"Friend? Yeah…"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, now suddenly defensive.

"It doesn't mean anything!"

"What is wrong with you?"

He jumped up. "Nothing, is wrong with me. It's you. You didn't want this, did you?"

"No, I didn't. But I can't say I'm terribly upset about it."

He nodded his jaw tense and turned his back to me.

I stood up and followed him, now more mad than anything else. "God, Andrew, will you stop being like this! If you've got a problem with this just spit it out!"

"NO!" he was both firm and loud and I stepped back, losing my nerve. "I won't say it, because it's not right! You're married and it's not right and it will never be right for me to have any opinion about this! More than that though, I like Danny. I do and I won't say it because I respect him!"

I realized then what he meant. Why he was upset. He words left him totally exposed and the way he looked at me, like a guilty and remorseful child who had gotten caught doing something he shouldn't have. He loved me. That day on the church steps before my wedding came back to me. The way he had always been there for me in the past few months. I had failed to see it all this time and for that I felt guilty.

"I think I should leave." He finally said.

All I could do was nod. My voice was lost.

"Congratulations and…bye."

And then he was gone.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

Taking a deep breath I forced myself to suck in as much as my middle as I could possibly stand while Charlotte, who stood at my side, began to force the zipper of my skirt up. It wasn't working though, I knew it wasn't. I released my breath and stepped back, sitting on my bed. Taking a deep breath I looked down at my middle which had expanded at least two inches in the past month.

"Em, it's no use. There's no way I can let it out anymore either."

"It's okay, Charlotte. Don't worry about it. I'll just have to go buy something else. I love this skirt though," I stroked the green fabric. "It would have been perfect for Friday."

"We'll find something else to dazzle Danny with, don't worry." My best friend reassured. "It's not your fault. You weren't even showing a few weeks ago and now." She placed a hand on my small rounded middle, "Well now the little one is making its presence know."

I nodded. "Well I wish they would have waited another week or so." I stood and went to full length mirror by my dresser. I placed a hand on the bump. "He's surely going to notice the second he walks off the train that…well that I'm like this."

My enthusiasm about my pregnancy had dwindled in the past few weeks. It wasn't because I didn't want the baby. Oh no, I still very much did, the blame for it rested entirely on Andrew. I hadn't talked to him or anyone about what had happened that day. I still couldn't find the words to properly respond to him. He had been a great friend to me over this past year and when he had made his confession to me, I felt as if all of that had been a lie. Then I felt the guilt for not realizing it before he had said anything.

Between all of that and the fact that my mother was still being as cold as an icicle towards me, I had become irritable and withdrawn. It was Charlotte who had pulled me out of my bad mood that afternoon by reminding me that my husband was due home in just two days. She swooped in on me and began to pull clothes out of my closet and put together the outfit for me to wear when I met him at the station.

"No, he won't. If you wear the right outfit…" she came over to me. Hands on her hips she studied me up and down for a moment, "I know we'll layer you." She grabbed a red and gray printed dress from the bed and a black cardigan. "I'll move the waist up on this and you'll wear the cardigan and then of course you'll have your jacket on. It will be just perfect. It will cover your chest too." She added with a sly smile. "Not that Danny would complain about that."

I laughed. A good chuckle that I desperately needed. I took her hands within my own and gave them a squeeze. "You couldn't be a better friend if you tried, Love."

She smiled and kissed my forehead. "Come on, let's get the sewing box."

* * *

Two days later and some odd hours later, I sat on a bench on the train platform, wearing my perfectly styled outfit, my hair pulled back in beautiful pin curls, a black hat on my head and white gloves on my hands, I was picture perfect for my husband's homecoming.

I opened my purse and pulled out the folded yellow telegram that I had received the day before and read it again for the thousandth time.

Basic Army Train completed Rafe and I leave Columbia tonight Will be arriving on the ten o 5 train Friday Can't wait to see you and have my arms around you Yours Danny.

My attention to the letter was diverted by the sound of a train whistle in the distance. Brett emerged from inside the station and gave me a grin as he helped me to my feet. Knowing my fear of being found out, he helped me adjust my jacket around my middle. I could see steam coming up from beyond the trees.

"I'm nervous. My hands are shaking." I said in a whisper to him.

He gave my hand a squeeze and flashed me an encouraging smile. "Well stop it."

The whistle sounded again and the rush of the wheels on the tracks came closer. I spied the engine fast approaching and clutched my brother's hand as the brakes locked and it began to slow in front of us. My heart was pounding as the conductors opened the doors of the passenger cars and the train came to a complete stop. I looked up, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of them through the windows, but I couldn't see anything.

People began to exit the train and I clutched Brett's hand with more strength as I struggled to control my nerves.

"Emily!"

Before I could locate the source of my name two strong arms clad in army green were around me and sweeping me off the ground. I didn't have to see his face to know it was him. His scent, his touch, yes, it was him! My face burrowed into the rough wool of his uniform as held back my tears of joy. He set me down a long, wonderful moment later, with his sweet firm lips against my own. I sighed in bliss not wanting the moment to end.

But of course there was propriety to consider and I regretfully let him release his hold on me as he shook hands with Brett.

"Welcome home, Brother!"

Danny beamed. "It feels good to be back." Blindly his hand found mine and clutched it. I smiled up at him, loving the feel of his skin against mine after so long.

"Seems Danny got the best homecoming." Rafe voice called from behind us. Brett had him in a fierce hug in no time. He then brushed a playful knuckle against my cheek.

"Looking a little chubby there, Sis." He laughed.

But he was the only one that did.

I looked at Brett whose eyes were wide and horrified, no doubt mirroring my own. I didn't understand how-

Then Rafe gave me a gentle shove, "Geeze, Em, take a joke. I've got a few months' worth of teasing to make up for."

"Rafe…" Danny scolded, not realizing anything had been amiss. He took me in his arms again and whispered, "You've never looked more beautiful to me." His words with thick with love and desire. I could feel myself return both forgetting my donkey of a brother suddenly very impatient for us to be alone.

When we got back to the house, both Danny and Rafe went upstairs to drop off their luggage after giving my parents their share of hugs. Not removing my jacket, I went up the stairs a few moments after Danny had gone up. I found him in our room, stuffing his neatly folded clothes in the dresser. I shut the door behind me.

I had to tell him now. It was the right thing to do. Ma and Susan were preparing a feast downstairs that would surely take up our time late into the night. I wanted it to be now.

Hearing me come into the room, he looked up and smiled. I marveled at the changes that had happened to him in the three months he had been gone. He was leaner, but more muscular. His hair was shorter and his mannerisms had changed in a way I couldn't explain, but he was still the same man. Still my husband. Dropping what he had been doing he came to me and pressed a fevered kiss to my lips. I instantly responded, forgetting my intention for coming into the room. My hands were cupping his face and within a second his hands were pushing my jacket off. Then came my cardigan. His lips were on my neck, and then he was nipping at my ear.

"You're beautiful…" His voice was hoarse was oozed with desire. Tingles shot throughout my body as his hands found their way down my arms, down my waist, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind them. His tongue slipped into my mouth and the erotic feeling that shot throughout me left me shaking in my borrowed red heels.

He moved me to the bed, pushing me gently down on it. His lips moved down the V-neck of my dress. Unbuttoning the fabric as he moved further down. My eyes closed, I attempted to control the excitement coursing through me. He was back above me then, his breath hot on my tingling skin. His hands moved to my breast, covered only by my petticoat, my dress now pooled off to my shoulders. Then his hand moved down, lower and lower and then he stopped, pulling back fast as if he had been burned.

I sat up quick knowing exactly what had stopped him.

He looked at me with wide eyes and then down to my obviously rounded middle. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. "I came up here to tell you…"

"Tell me what?" he asked though it was perfectly obvious.

I pulled my dress back up over my shoulders and stared at him, feeling his uneasiness over what I was about to say.

"That I'm pregnant." I replied. "Just about three and half months."

He stared at me.

Not knowing what else to do, I continued to talk. "I found out after you left."

He nodded and gulped.

"I was going to write to you, but it didn't feel right. I wanted to tell you in person. Not like this though."

Again he nodded.

"Danny, say something. I've been nervous enough about telling you and been through so much on my own. I really need you to say something."

He dropped his gaze from me and for a moment I could see there were a million thoughts running through his mind. Then just as quickly he was at my side, his brown eyes full and firmly on me. "I'm going to be a daddy?"

I nodded. "Yes."

His lips found mine, soft and sweet and his hand cupped my face. When he pulled away I found tears in his eyes. I smiled at him, feeling the tension float away. His hand moved down to my middle and caressed the small bump that was our baby.

"You're fine?"

"More than fine. Over the moon would be a better expression."

I kissed him then, relived, SO relieved!

"I love you."

"I love you too." He pulled me close, nuzzling my cheek. I sighed, feeling more calm and content than I had in months. I was far too lucky to call this man my husband. Far too lucky…


	23. Chapter 23

**Yeah Yeah, another case of writers block…and school. School doesn't help…lol.  
Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-Three

"That's a nice belly there, Little Sister." Rafe came up from behind me and gave a soft pat on my rounded middle. "Married life has made you fat and happy, huh?"

"You should just watch what you say." I slapped his hand away, "Pregnancy has gifted me with a short temper."

He plopped himself down on my bed, paying no heed to the mountain of towels I had just neatly folded. "I can't believe it. You and Danny having a baby. Seems like just yesterday you were hiding your love from one another."

I grabbed a wash cloth from the basket and began to fold, "Be quiet."

"Ma doesn't seem to be very thrilled about it." He observed, twiddling a string around his thumb, indicating my middle "In fact I'd say she was downright sour about it. The house is lacking in Christmas spirit."

"You don't have to tell me that." He didn't. The fact was plain as day to anyone who took a moment to observe the McCawley/Walker family. There was a definite frostiness in the air and it wasn't due to the Christmas weather. Desperate to change the subject I finished the last towel and turned to my brother. "How was he in training? Tell me the truth."

He gave me a slow McCawley smile. "Do you really have to ask? Top of the class, Sis."

I smiled, pride shooting through me, "He wouldn't tell me."

"Of course he wouldn't. The boy has enough humble in him for the both of us."

"While you have enough arrogance for five." I teased.

He gave a nod of his head, "Thank you, Ma'am. You know you have a pretty damn fine officer on your hands there, Mrs. Walker. Be prepared for fine state dinners and cozying up to all the right people, because he'll be going places. Mark my words."

"Going where?" Danny came into the room and put an arm around me. I smiled at him.

"Sky's the limit, Danny Boy." Rafe got up off the day and gave my husband a pat on the shoulder, "Now let me get the hell out of here before you two start doing that –",Danny kissed me on the cheek, mockingly and was rewarded with a groan from Rafe who quickly left the room. Danny laughed in his wake and kissed me again.

"What was he talking about?"

"Just praising you."

He rolled his eyes. "Everyone is leaving in about a half hour for church."

"All right."

He smiled and brought his arms around me and kissed me again. "First Christmas together and with a baby on the way. I have to say this time last year, I couldn't even see this."

"A lot has happened."

"All for the good though." And he put a hand to the baby. We had felt it move the other night. Lying in bed we had held one another and talked for hours and he had said something that had made me laugh. Suddenly the little one jumped and we both saw and felt it. I laughed again as Danny looked at my middle both shocked and amazed. He put a hand down on the noticeable bump and waited impatiently for it to move again. When nothing happened he removed the hand and ever so gently laid his head down, his ear to my womb, and waited. Our gazes locked for a long beautiful moment, I ran a lazily hand through his soft hair and closed my eye letting my heart clench within my chest in absolute contentment. Another kick brought them back open and I was greeted with the sight of Danny laughing quietly, rubbing his check in mock pain. "I've disturbed her." He said crawling back up next to me.

"Her is it?" I teased with a grin.

"With golden curls just like her Mama, you watch."

I rolled my eyes. "I think it's a boy. Matthew I think I'll call him."

"Do I not get a say in the name?" He propped himself up on an elbow, hovering above me.

"Depends on the name."

"Isabel."

I made a face. "He'll get made fun of for that on the playground with that one."

"No, SHE won't."

"It's a boy."

"She's not." And he came down and playfully nipped at my neck. I laughed out loud and immediately clamped a hand over my mouth, not wanting anyone else in the house to hear me, but Danny removed my hand and quietly kissed a delicate trail up my chin, to my cheek and to my ear. "When we have our own house I forbid you to be quiet." He had whispered, hot and throaty that sent me shivering in anticipation.

"Penny for your thoughts." I broke away from the memory, smiling. He smiled back. "And what were you thinking about?"

I raised an eyebrow, "You."

He took my meaning without hesitation and quickly went to the door and locked it before scooping me up and setting me on the bed, heedless of the clothes I had just folded. "I've got time for that." He told me before his lips came down on mine.

* * *

An hour later we entered the church, my parents ahead of us heading to the closest pew they could find to the altar. The sanctuary had been properly attired in Christmas wreaths and poinsettias. It smelled of evergreens and vanilla, a scent that oddly didn't make my stomach turn like most other strong fragrances. Both Danny and Rafe paused in the aisle to greet a small group of people that came upon them. I stood back letting them have their moment of glory. Everyone in town seemed to be bursting with pride for the two of them and there was no denying they enjoyed it, even my ever humble husband. I smiled to myself as I watched.

"Even Mr. Kelper is in awe. That's saying something." A voice said from behind me. I turned around quickly and saw Andrew there, clad in a pinstripe suit and poker face. Part of me was ilated that he was there, part of me felt guilty...for that I couldn't explain.

After a moment I shook off both reactions and produced a small laugh. "You're right."

"Have you got a sec?" he then asked, swatting away the however recent façade I had built in my mind that we weren't going to discuss what happened. I had no choice but to nod my head though. Danny was occupied, my parents were out of sight and the service didn't start for another fifteen minutes. I followed him up the aisle and into the entry way, which was oddly empty. He led me over to a corner near the stairs that led to the steeple and turned to regard me with a somber expression. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to-"

"By God, yes I do have to. I've been kicking myself in the ass for weeks. I should have never told you or put myself in the position for it to happen."

"You didn't really 'say' anything…"

"I all but did, Emily. Don't be like that." He sighed and sat down on a bench that has been placed against the wall. I stood above him though, a hand going to my middle. "You know I can't even tell you for sure when it happened either. It wasn't at the prom, it wasn't even in the weeks after that. Suddenly, one day I realized I was in love with you."

Well there it was, I thought. Even though I'd know, hearing the words come out of his own mouth now made it painfully real. There was no going back now.

"Like I told you though, I like Danny. He's never done anything to make me think he's anything other than a good guy and I know that you love him. You've both got so much to look forward to and I won't allow myself to get in the way of any of it." He watched him swallow hard, the words clearly paining him. "Even if you were someone I could picture myself doing all of that with."

I felt a tear fall down my cheek and quickly put a hand to it. It didn't stop more from brimming in my eyes though. "I'm sorry," I said after a long moment. "You were my friend and I didn't think…I just didn't think." He stood when he saw my tears, though I wept them in near silence and put himself what must have been a mere six inches from my face. "I don't feel that way for you." I continued, You're my friend and that's the only way I ever cared for you. You encouraged me, helped me and I knew you would always be there no matter what."

"I won't be anymore, Doll. I can't be." He whispered. I nodded, the tears flowing freely and hung my head. That was it. It was all over. "Just know," he said after a moment, "that for most of the time, it was just friendship. I didn't deceive you this whole time."

"I know."

He wrapped his arms around me then and hugged me close. My body didn't resist or clench back like I thought it would, instead I found myself sinking into his shoulder and letting that one last friendly embrace linger for a moment. When it ended and he pulled back, his lips were on my cheek and as we separated further they lingered on my skin, tracing a path that nearly, perhaps purposely, came very close to my lips. When we were apart he gave me a forced smile. "Merry Christmas, Em." Then he was gone. He didn't go back into the church, but rather went out the front doors into the cold night. Within a few moments before I'd even had a moment to collect myself, the door to the church opened back up and Danny appeared behind it.

"There you are."

I quickly wiped my eyes. "Yeah, sorry."

"I thought you were out here with Andrew."

"I was, but he had to go. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and all that." How easily that lie slipped off my tongue. It was the right thing to do though. I hadn't done anything wrong, but Danny didn't deserve to get upset over the knowledge. That wouldn't benefit anyone.

"Well come on they're going to start soon." He said with a motion of his hand. I went to him and let him put an arm around my shoulders as we walked back into the room and found our seats.

* * *

Christmas passed quickly, far too fast for my liking. Before I knew it January had come and with it, Danny and Rafe's departure. They would be going to an Army base in Long Island. Where they would be stationed for the next two years.

"The base has housing for families." He told me one night. We had taken advantage of the warm front that had moved in and gone for a walk after dinner. I held his hand as we strolled. "I'll put us on the list as soon as I get there. It might take a while though."

"I don't mind."

"Maybe its for the best though. When the baby comes you won't want to be in a strange place. You'll want your mother and Susan there to help you."

"I'm more concerned about you being here." I told him and I was. Foolishly I'd begun to think there wasn't any way he could be here when the baby came. Babies didn't follow a calendar.

"I'll put in leave for the entire month of May. I will be there, I promise." He told me a firm tone that made me smile up at him. I didn't fully believe that he would be, but I knew that he did and that was close enough. "I can come back for Easter too. First week of April?"

"I'll be a whale by then." I replied dryly.

He chuckled. "I doubt I'll notice." He stopped and pulled me close to him, kissing the tip of my nose. "It kills me when we're apart. You know that right?"

I nodded.

"I think about you all the time. There's no room in my head or heart for anything else." He brushed a hand softly across my cheek, pulling my gaze up to his own. "Try not to worry. I will be there."

"I don't want you to leave." I replied solemnly. "We've spent more time apart than together since we got married."

"I know."

"It would be different if.." I had almost said "If I hadn't fallen pregnant." But I stopped myself and put a hand to the baby, silently apologizing for nearly wishing they didn't exist.

His hand came down atop my own as if he knew what I had been thinking. "We'll make do, Em. The best things in life aren't planned." His words offered comfort, but the knot in my stomach make no signs of undoing itself. I didn't want him to leave, but I didn't say so. It would have only made me more upset. Instead I hugged him close. It was all I had so I gave in to it and hoped it would be enough.

He left a week later. Once again I said goodbye to him on the train platform, once again I watched him get on board and watched him roll away from me. I didn't cry that time, however. I stood there, my back as strong as a steel post and fingered the locket around my neck. I was devastated on the inside, crying rivers and shaking with sadness, but I kept it to myself. He would be home again soon.

When I got back home, still holding in unshed tears, I walked into the house quietly. Taking off my jacket and gloves and putting them in their proper place before I walked into the living room. Ma was there, sitting primly in the rocking chair. That was all about her that was collected though. The tears in her eyes all together shocked me, but before I could say anything she was up and coming towards me.

"Ma?"

"They're gone again." She said sadly.

"Yes." I answered, puzzled. This was the most she had spoken to me in weeks.

She responded with a sad smile before pulling me into her arms. To say I was shocked would have been an understatement, but that feeling quickly passed as I seemed to melt into her motherly embrace. We had been at odds for so long, I had forgotten the comfort and safety that it offered. Even her scent was a comfort and I fell into her without hesitation and let the tears I was holding in break free.

In that sad moment, one in which I didn't think I could find any bright spot, my relationship with my mother was mended. It was without fanfare and celebration, but it was all the same. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.


	24. Chapter 24

**Ah! Thank you all so much for your reviews! This chapter was a tough one to write, but I think your encouragement gave me the push that I needed to get it done. Tissues may be required…just to warn you. **

Chapter Twenty-Four

_ 3 months later_

The first thing I thought of when I woke up that April morning was that it was Friday and that Danny would be leaving New York that night to come home for Easter. My second thought was the intense nausea that gripped me when I sat up. My stomach was awkwardly large now. My hands and ankles were swollen, my back was in constant knots, six weeks out from giving birth I was miserable and irritable…and now nauseous.

I paused for a moment before I moved again. I felt slightly better then and stood up and was knocked back down by the stabbing pain in my abdomen. I gripped my middle and gasped in agony.

"MA!" I screamed. She was the only other person in the house. I knew Dad had already left by that time. The nausea returned as my voice rang throughout the room and I suddenly felt warm. By the time my mother came into the room I could feel the perspiration start to form on my forehead.

"Oh my God!" she was at my side in an instant, hovering, worry all over her face. "It's time?"

I shook my head through the pain. "No, no it's too early."

"Maybe you mixed up your dates?" she said as she looked me over and then stuck a pillow under my head.

"No, I didn't!"

She nodded. "Has your water broken?"

"My what?" I panicked.

"Never mind." She shook her head. "I'm going to call the doctor. If it's this early you need to stop it."

I nodded, but Lord I felt sick again. I told her just in time for her to produce the waste basket from under my nightstand and hold it out to me. I quickly lost the contents of my stomach into it. My stomach was hard as a rock after and I groaned and rolled over, willing the discomfort to go away. Ma was gone only a moment to make the call and was back at my side with a bowl of water and rag. She put it to my forehead and I welcomed the coolness against my hot skin. The contractions came and went, I was in no condition to follow the timing and felt myself slip in and out of consciousness. I have no idea how long it took for Dr. Callison to get there, but after a long moment of blackness he appeared above me with the same expression of worry on his face that was on my mothers.

"Emily, tell me what happened?"

I felt woozy. "I don't know. I woke up…and I felt this way."

He looked to my mother and then mentioned he was going to check me. I felt the blankets and my nightgown lift while my mother put a hand to the crown of my head. I turned my head as I felt him down there. It was uncomfortable and only added to the pressure I was feeling. I saw my mother eyes on him as he finished.

"She's in labor."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. We'll need to get her the hospital."

"She can't have it here?"

He paused. "No, I don't think that's a good idea." I could tell he had chosen his words carefully, I was barely coherent, but I knew that. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

I remembered very little of my trip to the hospital. The pains came on stronger as I weaved in and out of consciousness. I thought about Danny, the baby and watched both of them fade in and out in my mind. When I woke up after a particulary long moment of darkness I found myself in an all white room, wearing a white gown and laying in an uncomfortable bed. I felt numb, everywhere.

My mother was next to me her head down unaware that I was awake. I reached for her and barely croaked out her name, but she heard and was instantly alert.

"How do you feel?"

"Numb." I told her.

"They're trying to stop it,." She said. "You've been out for hours."

"Hours?"

"It's close to dinner time. Danny is on his way. We sent him a telegram, he should be here within the next nine hours."

My head fell back and I closed my eyes.

What happened after that I can't recall. My mother told me later and all I have is her story to go by. For close to six hours, I was fine. I had been given some medication to stop my labor that had left me both numb and weak. She sat by my bed watching me, praying that everything would turn out alright. My father came and went along with Susan and Brett. Neither of them could handle seeing me in such a state. My mother said my overall appearance made them ill.

Sometime after midnight was when it all fell apart. My mother noticed it first. A groan in my sleep and a clench of my body and blood began to appear through the blankets from under my belly. Gripped with fear she ran from the room and screamed for the doctors. She was pushed from the room while a slew of people rushed in. She sat outside the doors for hours with my father, my brother and Susan…waiting, hoping and praying. Charlotte was there after a few hours. Brett had called her and she came with her mother and sat next to my family, tears in her eyes.

Danny arrive by taxi at 4:30 in the morning. He ran the entire way to the room and Ma said he was pale and breathless when he arrived.

"What happened?" he demanded of all of them. "Where's the doctor?"

"They come in and out." Susan told him, solemnly "They won't talk to us."

What followed that was plenty of screaming and hollering by my husband before a doctor appeared. Not Doctor Callison, but another, this one older with graying hair.

"She's gone into labor. Her body has rejected all of our efforts to stop it."

"The baby?" Danny asked.

"Is in distress. She's nearly two months out from her due date. The child isn't ready to be born yet."

Danny collapsed in a chair at his words. Burying his face in his hands. "This can't be happening."

The doctor kept going though, his face void of emotion. "She has lost a great deal of blood. Her pressure and pulse are very low…" he paused before continuing, "In order to save her…we may need to disregard the fetus."

"What the hell does that mean?" my father yelled. Danny was shaking in shock. He couldn't look at them or say anything.

"We cannot save them both." The doctor said plainly. "I'm sorry, but you will have to choose. The fetus has very little chance of survival if it is born now, but your wife will not last much longer in this condition."

"Where is Dr. Callison?" my mother then wanted to know. "He knows her, he knows her history, he's been there—"

"He's in with her."

"Does he agree with this?"

"He's never seen anything like this. None of us have."

My mother then said that out of nowhere Andrew appeared. Someone must have called him, but she didn't know who. He had heard the entire exchange and was kneeling down in front of Danny before anyone else could move.

"Save her, Danny. Choose her!"

Danny shook his and mumbled something that no one understood.

"Damn it, Danny! SAVE HER!" Andrew yelled at him.

Shaking, tears streaming down his cheeks Danny looked up and at the doctor. "Her." He told him, "Save her. Do whatever you have to do."

The doctor nodded and then left.

And I was saved.

I was given a caesarian section. I was practically sawed in two, but I remember nothing from it. When I woke up afterwards I was foggy and weak but was coherent enough to hear that my baby had been a girl. A four pound little girl with dark brown hair and pouty lips, born still and blue. There was no way she could have been saved…


	25. Chapter 25

Thank you all for the wonderful reviews for the last chapter. It was VERY difficult to write. Putting myself in that place literally put me in tears as I was writing and writing this chapter was pretty much the same. I've fallen in love with these two and writing about all of this has been very hard. I do hope you "enjoy" this next installment.

Chapter Twenty Five

I named her Laura Jean. By myself, I picked that name out. Danny refused to offer any input, even when I asked if he wanted to name her after his mother. He simply shook his head and looked out the window. Reverend Russell was seeing to her baptism and promised that he would make sure she was buried in the churchyard. We were able to hold her before she was taken or rather, I held her. The nurse handed her to me, swaddled in a pink blanket and I wept openly as I cradled her in my arms. She was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Dark hair sparsely covered her perfectly round head. She had Danny's eye shape and her fingers were long and slender like mine… perfect for piano keys. If it weren't for the gray tinge to her skin I would have sworn she was asleep.

"She's with our Father, Emily. I promise you." Reverend Russell told me at my bed side. I nodded and brushed away tears. He set a hand to my shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "Danny?"

Danny hadn't left my side since it all had happened, but he hadn't offered any words of mourning or comfort. Now he was in the chair on the other side of my bed, silent and staring into space. He looked up when he heard his name and nodded to the Reverend, but then went back to his original position. When the nurse came to take her away I kissed her cold cheek and whispered words I'll never repeat again. Whispers of regret and promises of love and devotion.

Danny never even touched her.

Her funeral was five days later. Rafe was there. The death of his niece was considered dire enough for the Army to let him come home. When he arrived, only a few hours before we were due at the church he came rushing into the house and up to our room. Danny had gone out by himself at dawn and still hadn't come back so my brother only found me. Standing at my mirror, already dressed in my black dress.

"Emily…" he said and then had me wrapped in a brotherly hug not a moment later. "Oh my God." I collapsed into his embrace, ignoring the pain that throbbed in my breasts and stomach from being held so tightly. Ma had helped me wrap myself in tight bandages the day before, to help me heal faster she said, but so far all I noticed was more discomfort.

"I don't know what to say." He told me, pulling back.

I shook my head, "No one does."

"Where's Danny?"

"I don't know. He left before light this morning. Neither of us slept last night either. I don't think we've slept since…"more tears came forth and I paused a moment, bringing a hand up to quell them, but Rafe put a gentle had to my arm and pushed it back down.

"Don't on my account. Cry. You deserve to cry. We all do." He moved me to the bed where we both sat down. I shook my head, but let the tears come anyway. He snuggled me against his shoulder and let me weep deep, gut wrenching tears, holding me tightly the entire time. I was never more thankful for his presence.

A short while later my Grandma McCawley came up to my room to find us both. Her paler was pale in the dark blue dress she wore and she came to me with a somber face. "It's time to go, Dearest."

I broke away from Rafe and looked at her and then at the clock on my nightstand. It was time. The time I had dreaded for the last few days. To the church for the service and then putting my daughters tiny casket into the ground next to her grandfather, grandmother and aunt, Danny's family.

"Is Danny here?"

Grandma looked Rafe and paused before looking back at me. "I'm sure he will meet us there."

But he didn't.

I sat numb throughout the entire service without my husband at my side. My father seethed behind me and Rafe got up and left several times throughout the service, checking for his absent best friend I was sure. I sat between my mother and Grandma, both of them holding me tightly, but I felt nothing. I was void of all emotion, dead to the betrayal I was only partially aware of. All I could think of was my daughter, in the box before me, lifeless and gray, that I would never hold her in my arms again, never watch her grow up…and then I broke down into Ma's arms.

"I will kill him the second I get my hands on him." Rafe gritted. "What the hell is he thinking leaving like that?"

"Most likely he wasn't thinking." Charlotte said, her arm around me.

"I don't give a damn!" Rafe shot back, pacing the living room now.

"There was no trace of him anywhere?" Brett asked

"Not even a speck of lint." The four of us had gathered in the front room after everyone else had left and the rest of the family went their separate ways. Charlotte had set a sweater around my shoulders and was keeping me close. Brett was in the cushioned chair near the window looking forlorn and Rafe was pacing, set on wearing a hole through the rug, livid at the situation. "I'm going to kill him." He said again and cracked his knuckles.

I got up then, not wanting to hear anymore. I pushed past Rafe who looked back shocked in my wake and made my way to the kitchen. I lingered next to the tea pot for a moment, before putting the thought aside and knelt down, rummaging under the sink for the bottle of Jack Daniels I knew my father kept there. Finding it, I slid down onto the floor, my back against the counter, opened the full bottle and threw the cap to the floor. I took a swig from the bottle, ignoring the burn and the urge to retch and let the liquid coat my insides like a blanket. And then I took another and another. No one came in to find me and I didn't care. I sat there gripping the bottle letting the still images from the day play back in my head. Laura's coffin being lowered into the ground, the stone above her sweet head that read "Laura Jean Walker April 2, 1938", my family and friends comforting me telling me that "these things happened" and "you'll have plenty of other chances".

There wouldn't be any other chances. I had been given a crude and hurried cesarean section to get her out of me. My uterus had been left in shreds. There would never be another baby to hold in my womb. All I would have, all I would ever have was the lock of her hair that my mother had thought to get me. It was neatly secure in the locket Danny had given me now, stowed in my jewelry chest upstairs. I didn't have the strength to wear today. At that though I took another deep gulp from the bottle. Almost a second after I took it away from my lips, the back door opened and I knew it was Danny without even seeing him over the counter tops. He walked up, surely unaware that I was sitting on the floor of the kitchen for when he appeared in my view our eyes met and I saw the brief surprise flash over his eyes, followed quickly by guilt. He remained silent though. Standing in the middle of the room, his head down and shoulders slumped.

After a moment I looked down at the bottle in my hands, noting the dizziness I was now feeling and asked, "Where were you?"

He shrugged his hunched shoulders. "At the creek."

"The creek?" I looked back up, I'm sure with eyes ablaze.

"Yeah."

"While I was burying our daughter you were at the creek?" there was no mistaking the disdain in my voice.

He nodded, "Yeah."

I got up, slowly. Gripping the counter for mental and physical support and suddenly unleashed a fury. "Who does that? Who leaves their wife alone, fragile and weak to deal with all of that? I'll tell you who, no one!" I was shaking by the time I reached the end of my sentence. I was angry, more angry than I had ever been or would ever be. "How could!?" I screamed at him.

"I couldn't do it-"

"Do you think I woke up this morning thinking the opposite? I was there though wasn't I? I loved her enough to be there, I loved her enough to say goodbye!"

"Emily, don't say that."

"You shut up! You have no voice here! You're a selfish ass who could think of no one but himself when the world around him was falling apart! You will not tell me what to do! You weren't there when I found out I was pregnant, you weren't there through the nausea or the back aches, you weren't there when the pain started and you have offered me nothing since then!"

"Em, stop." This time it was a different voice that implored me to stop. Brett came out of no where and tried to step in between us, but I pushed him away with all the strength I could muster.

"NO! He left me ALONE! I will not stop! I won't because he deserves it! You're a coward, Daniel Walker! A cold hearted, selfish coward and I hate you! I hate you with everything inside of me!" the words left a dead shock in the room and pushed tears from Danny's eyes, but I sitting on a throne of fire and could care less. I knew somewhere, consciously the whiskey had triggered the words, but again I didn't care. I collapsed back onto the floor and wept more, cursing him more and driving him from the room. Brett stayed with me, picking me up and hugging me against him as if I were as light and small as Emma. I cried hard into the shoulder of his shirt, gasping, gagging. I wanted to die and so I cursed myself and wished for death.

The next morning I again woke up to an empty bed. I remembered nothing about how I gotten there the night before, but I remembered with severe clarity everything I had said to Danny. When I went downstairs my parents were both in the kitchen sipping from their coffee mugs, which they both promptly put down upon my entrance.

"Where's Danny?" I asked without preamble.

My mother looked to my father who in turn hesitated before looking at me. "He left this morning."

"What?"

"He went back to New York." My mother solemnly clarified.

I felt the blow of her words in my very core and had to grip the door frame to keep from falling back. I suddenly wanted to throw up and sink into darkness. _He had left me._

"No…"I mumbled despite the shock, shaking my head.

My father looked at my mother for only a moment before he rose and put an arm around me. "Come on, Butterbean. Let's get you some tea."


	26. Chapter 26

I literally sat down and started writing this THREE HOURS ago! Eight pages in three hours, damn I'm good! Lol Anyway, thanks so much for all of the reviews and encouragement. I hope this chapter pleases! : )

Chapter Twenty-Six

August 1938

Four months passed. Four long months where I teetered between on the edge of sanity and insanity, slipping back and forth into the darkness as sure as a pendulum ticking back and forth. No efforts were made on my side or Danny's to contact the other. In the beginning Rafe, my parents and Charlotte attempted to open the lines on both fronts, but I resisted and I gather he did the same. I went through the summer without leaving our property. My twentieth birthday came and went without any celebration or even notice. I felt far older than that. Estranged from my husband, dead child and I had barely left my teenage years behind. I wanted to die. There was nothing to sugar coat about it, I wanted to bury myself next to my daughter and let God take me to her. There were days I didn't get out of bed, days where I would lay in the bath until the water chilled and my skin shriveled contemplating slipping beneath the surface and never coming back up. I hated him for leaving me, hated myself for what I had said…I prayed for death.

One morning, hot and humid, I did manage to make it downstairs though. Ma combed my hair and pulled a loose chignon and set me on the sofa in the living room, giving me Anne of Green Gables and turning on the radio while she went about doing her chores. I made no argument about the classical music she'd put on, or the childish book, but neither did I enjoy them. I sat on the couch, somehow enjoying the heat and listening to the wind chimes through the open window. Then there the sudden sound of a car approaching. I looked down at my book and opened it to the first page. _"Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow…" _I murmured to myself and then heard the knock on the door. Ma came in from the kitchen, surely not expecting me to get up and opened it.

"Andrew." I heard her say.

"Mrs. McCawley, is Emily in?" he replied back.

Ma took a step back and looked at me from the hall. My eyes met hers and I shook my head. I didn't want to see him or anyone, but to my dismay she stepped back and opened the door wider. "Yes, she's in the living room. Come in."

"Thank you ma'am." He stepped in side and his eyes immediately went to me. I suddenly felt very self conscious remembering that I hadn't done much to keep myself up in the past few months. I knew I must have looked dreadful, but he smiled as if nothing in the world had changed and strode toward me while Ma announced she would be in the kitchen and left. He sat down in the rocking chair to my right and then produced a small wrapped package out of his pants pocket.

"I know I'm late, but Happy Birthday."

I stared at him.

"It's not going to bite ya. Take it." And he pushed it closer to me. I had no choice but to take the box from him and then with a silent prompt to open it. I peeled back the layers and opened the small box seeing a tiny bottle of perfume inside.

"I wasn't sure what scent you'd like so I went with roses. Is that okay?"

I nodded, barely hearing him.

"I got a job near the university so coming home hasn't been easy. I didn't mean for it to be so late."

"It's fine." I managed to look up. "Thank you."

The smile faded from his face then. "Em, you look terrible. I know I shouldn't say that, but you don't look healthy. You've lost a considerable amount of weight."

I said nothing.

"Dad said you quit work too." He leaned forward in the chair and took one of my hands into his. I was honestly surprised I didn't recoil from the touch. "Doll, listen to me. You can't do this. You haven't left the house I'm guessing, you're not eating, and you're a shadow of your former self. You need to get up and take care of yourself. Get out and get some sun, some fresh air."

I pulled my hand away. "No." I said simply.

He pursed his lips. "Where's Danny?"

I looked away and that answered his question as surely as me telling him. "He left the morning after her funeral." I finally told him. Andrew had been at the funeral, I vaguely remembered seeing him, but he had been there.

He honestly looked shocked by my statement. "What?"

"I haven't heard from him since then."

"He wasn't at the service though was he?"

I shook my head.

"What kind of piece of - No. Never mind, I won't say that. You haven't talked to him at all?"

"I don't really care to."

"Why not?"

"I just don't." I replied with stubborn finality.

He stared at me for a moment and then stood. "Get up."

"What?"

"I said Get up." And he reached down and pushed the book and box aside and pulled me to my feet. I was wearing a pair of loose fitting blue trousers and cream colored blouse, an outfit my mother hated, but he looked at it with approval and told me to find my stockings and shoes. He was taking me out.

"Andrew, no."

"No arguing, do it." He said so firmly, I quietly went to do as I was told. When I came back downstairs few moments later, having put on the footwear I found him waiting by the stairs with my mother beside him.

"Take her to the A&W and make sure she eats something." Ma said to him, her eyes on me. "That waist of hers is making me sick to my stomach."

A half hour later we were both in booth at A&W, a cheeseburger and plate of fries in front of me and a large chocolate shake on the side. Andrew just had a bottle of coca cola.

"You better eat, Kid or you'll your mother to answer to." He took a sip from his bottle. "And I won't have you wasting my heart earned money neither."

Gingerly I took a fry from the plate and nibbled it.

"That's better." He laughed. "Now, tell me what's really going on because I swear if I have to pop for a ticket to New York to kick your husband's ignorant ass I will."

"Don't do that." I told him solemnly, "It's my fault…" And then I told him what happened that night in the kitchen right down to the last hateful word. I left nothing out, for some reason not fearing his opinion on me after the fact. In true form, he listened intently until I was done.

"Those are pretty strong words."

I nodded and reached for my shake, taking a long sip of it.

"On the one hand I see where you were coming from, but on the other I see where he was coming from too." He leaned in. "You know I was there that night, don't you?"

"Ma told me."

He nodded. "I came home for spring break. When I got to the house Mom told me what happened and I got in the car and sped to the hospital. When I finally got there and found where you were I saw the whole group gathered out in the hallway and Danny…" he shook his head, pursing his lips, "He was white as a sheet. Shaking, looked like he was going to throw up right then and there. It was shock, it had to have been. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move and that damned doctor was sitting there demanding he choose between his wife and baby."

I swallowed down the knot forming in my throat.

"I'm not telling you this to upset you, just so you know he wasn't just being a coward. I probably stepped out of place, in fact I know I did, but no one should ever have to make a choice like that. He was sitting there trying to process what was happening and couldn't." he paused a moment, taking another drink from the bottle in front of him. I got the feeling his wished it was something harder than a pop. "You could have died, you know."

"I wish I would have."

"No, you don't!" he nearly snapped and I went silent. "He saved your life. That was all he knew then was saving you. You don't think of details in moments like that, you think of one thing and one thing only, getting to the place where everything is somewhat okay again. You can't hate him for that."

I picked a bit of bread from the hamburger bun in front of me, flicking it off to the side. "I can't have any more children." I then told him. I hadn't said that to anyone yet, so plain and simply.

"You're sure about that?"

"That's what the doctor told me."

"My dad?"

"No, the other one."

"The one who nearly butchered you to begin with? Yeah Dad told me about him."

"I think he hates me for that." I said softly, "I feel like knowing that that was it, that there wouldn't be any other opportunities drove him away."

"That's bull shit." He answered back and I almost smiled at his candor. "He didn't marry you to have babies with you. He married you because he loves you."

I looked up at him, feeling as if the shell I had been living in since that day had broken and clattered around me. I felt like I was truly seeing things for the first time as they were and then I realized how hard saying those things must have been for him.

"Andrew—"

"Nope." He held his hands up, already knowing what I was going to say, "I'm a big boy, Em. I can handle this alright? You need comforting and I'm your friend. It's what we do."

"Yes, but—"

"Shut up and eat that burger, okay?"

After we left the restaurant, where I actually ate most of the food on my plate, Andrew put me in the car and drove out to the other side of town. I didn't ask where we were going and rather enjoyed being outside, with the top down on his Chevy, letting the wind blow through my hair. I gazed at the passing scenery, inhaled the sweet scent of freshly cut grass. Tommy Dorsey's Swanee River was on the radio and I felt better than I had in months. We ended up nearing the county line where the Macon bridge crossed over the Mississippi River, but rather than going across the bridge, Andrew turned off the road and down a dirt one that led down to the water.

"What are we doing here?"

"Getting you some sun." he said, parking the car next to a few others that were there. He opened my door for me and helped me out and began to lead me down to the river where there were a dozen or so others splashing around on the muddy banks of the river.

"I'm not really dressed for it." I said, noting my long pants and heeled shoes.

"Take your shoes off and pull your pant legs up then. It's too hot out for that outfit anyway." He grinned and plopped down on the beach and began to do the same. Having no choice and noticing how inviting the water looked I sat down beside him and pulled my shoes and stockings off, stuffing them inside. My pants were long and it took a moment to roll them up. I took the pins from my hair, letting it down from the chignon it had been in and used them to secure the make shift rolls. When I looked back up I saw that Andrew had been watching me.

"What?" I asked in a half laugh.

"Nothing." He shook his head, "You just look like your old self again."

"Do I?"

"Yeah." His eyes fell for a short moment.

"Must be the fried food you just made me scarf down." I teased, shaking the knots out of my maple colored tresses. "Come on." I stood up. "I'm ready to go in."

We splashed and waded as deep as our rolled up pants allowed for hours. The other folks there were all college students and though Andrew said he recognized a few faces, we stayed apart from them which I didn't mind. It was near sunset when he decided it was time to leave and I found myself reluctantly agreeing. When we got back to my house it was dark, but the house was lit awaiting my arrival. Andrew walked me to the door and handed me the hair pins that I had put in the ash tray on the way back. "I hoped I helped." He said.

I smiled and nodded. "You did. I feel like a completely different person than I did this morning."

"Good." He began to turn to leave when I suddenly called back for him.

"How long will you be in town?"

He was halfway down the steps of the porch and said "About a week. Why?"

"I wouldn't mind getting together again. It felt good to get out and not…well not be here."

He smiled. "I'm not opposed to the idea. Tomorrow?"

"After breakfast?"

"That early?"

"Do you mind?" I smiled.

He laughed out loud. "Not a bit. See you then. Bright and early."

************************************************** ************o

I spent the next few days out of the house. Charlotte and I went to an afternoon matinee and did some window shopping one day, but the rest of the time I was with Andrew a fact that did not go unnoticed by my parents.

"Where are you going?" my mother asked on Friday morning when I came down the stairs with a sundress over my bathing suit, my hair tied back in a scarf.

"To the river." I sat down at the table and took a drink from the glass of orange juice at my place. My appetite had made a great return since that first day Andrew had come over. She was peppering a plate of eggs and set them down in Dad's place.

"Emily, I don't want to imply anything, but well you've spent an awful lot of time with him this week. You don't want people talking."

"Ma, he's my friend. That's all."

"I know that, but with Danny gone, you to have be mindful about that sort of thing."

"Danny is choosing to be gone right now."

"I know that, Dear."

"So leave it be then. I can promise you that I'm not doing anything wrong." I grabbed a piece of toast from the platter in the center of the table and put some jam on it and then took a bite, but my mother's worried brow remained. When I finished, I rose and went to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Look at me, Ma. I wasn't like this a week ago. I could barely get out of bed and now here I am and it's because my friend has helped me."

She nodded, though she didn't seem entirely convinced by my argument, but then I heard the knock on the front door and knowing it was Andrew I kissed her on the cheek, grabbed an apple from the basket and went to it.

We went back to the river, this time armed with bathing suits, towels and drinks and food. We alternated swimming and laying out on the towels, talking about his life at college and other things in medicine. I hadn't realized how much I had missed working until we started speaking of it. I wasn't ready to go back yet though.

"Have you ever thought about going in the other direction?" he asked as I finished off a 7 up on the towel.

"What do you mean?"

"Being a doctor?"

I thought back to the conversation Danny and I had once about that. Him encouraging me, calling me "Doctor Walker", but then quickly pushed it aside. "Yeah, I have."

"You could do it you know." He was laying down, his eyes closed against the glare of the hot sun.

"Yeah…" my voice was far away and I put the bottle of pop down on the ground beside me, laying back on the towel.

"If you wanted to, if things don't work out…not that I don't want them to…well, you could come to school with me. There are girls there you know."

"Yeah I know." I replied, still far away. My mind was drifting to Danny, but I was fighting the path. Suddenly Andrew turned on his side next to me, propping himself up on an elbow. I looked over at him, "What?"

"You could do it, I mean it. I'd be proud to work along side someone like you."

"Andrew—"

"Just at least think about it. Medical school. You. It can happen, you just have to make the jump."

I smiled at him. We were so close together, our faces were nearly touching. When did that happen? His eyes were so blue. I hadn't noticed that until that moment, as blue as the sky above us, his lips…I didn't expect the sudden movement. One second he was beside me and the next he was hovering over me. "Andrew—"but he didn't give me a chance to finish. His lips captured mine up in an all-consuming kiss that both shocked and delighted me. A whimper escaped from my core and then a near growl from him and he pressed deeper into me. I was vaguely aware of where we were, that there was no else around and then felt his tongue softly slip into my mouth. The kiss was raw and passionate. I had been deprived of affection for so long that I found myself sinking into it without a second thought. My arms came around his neck, pulling him closer, urging him on. He broke away, trailing his lips down my bare neck, down my chest, stopping when he hit the fabric of my suit and then back up again. He murmured my name, reciting sweet whispers against my skin that made me tingle with excitement.

I was forgetting everything, oh God everything was gone! The darkness, the sadness…I pulled him back up to me and recaptured his lips. I needed to forget it all and this was working. His fingers traced along my jaw, down my neck to my shoulder, to the strap of bathing suit. I felt him hook his finger within it and pull it down, down until he exposed my entire breast to the hot air between us. His desire for me was building, throbbing against my leg and my body knew it. I wanted him. I wanted him to take me right there on the bank of that river, right then. I wasn't a shy virgin, I didn't care. I moved his hand down to where I wanted him to caress me, where it burned to be touched, but then my mind drifted off.

I was with Danny, it was our honeymoon again. We were back in that big bed, the one we'd never left in the hotel room. The love I had for him, the love that had created a child in my womb, it was there and as hot and strong as ever. Tears came to my eyes and I opened them to look into his beautiful brown eyes, but that wasn't what greeted me.

Quickly I pushed Andrew away. Shaking my head, making myself decent. "No. No."

He was panting hard and looking at me in question.

"I'm sorry. I can't. I want to, but I close my eyes and I don't…"

"You don't see me." He painfully finished.

I nodded, wiping away the tears that were coming on strong now.

"I love you." He told me, "I love you, Emily. I don't care about any of it."

"I know." I choked on a sob, "I'm so sorry. I'm stupid I know, but I can't."

He rubbed his hands against his face, frustrated I was sure and it was entirely my fault. But then he spoke, "No, you're not stupid. I am." And without another word his got up, pulled his shirt back on and began to pick up the towel and other things we had scattered around us. I grabbed my dress and turned away from him to slip it on over my bathing suit.

We were silent on the drive back to my house. I felt sick to my stomach over my moral betrayal and I'm sure he had his own plaguing thoughts to keep him occupied. When he pulled up to my house, I didn't even wait for him to put the car into park before I opened my door, bundling my towel in my arms, but he grabbed my arm to stop me. I looked at him, "What?"

"You need to go to New York. Go to him. Go to him and fix everything."

I nodded. He was right.

"You too good of a person, you know that?" I said, "Probably the best man I know."

He almost laughed. "Yeah if I'd been any other man I wouldn't have stopped."

I squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile, "I know."

When I went into the house I went to find my mother without even taking my shoes off at the door. I found her upstairs, sweeping under the beds in Rafe's room.

"You're back already?" she said.

"I've decided something."

"What?"

"I need to go New York."

She smiled and put the broom outside. "Yes, you do." There was actual delight in her voice. "I was waiting for you to realize that."

I smiled back, already forgetting about what had prompted the sudden decision.

"Let's see about getting you on the next train there."


End file.
